1. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Queries/Submissions help with the hook in a query!

    Discussion in 'Publishing' started by Mckk, Aug 25, 2012.

    The themes are death and redemption. I've come up with a number of hooks but these are my favourites. Which one hooks you the most and why? (or of course, if they're all crap, I'm open to suggestions and changes) Thank you!


    1. Everyone must sacrifice something for their dream, the only question is what.

    2. How much is a man’s soul worth, and what if you had to pay the price?

    3. The downfall of one man can be the rise of another, but what is a man worth?

    4. There are many reasons why a man might kill, but what would it take for a man to die?

    5. (new) - When a young man is hailed as saviour by his people, he fights them to find his own path, and it will be both his downfall and his salvation.
     
  2. B93
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    B93 Active Member

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    2 has by far the strongest hook, followed by 4. Forget 1 and 3.
     
  3. Pallas
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    Pallas Contributing Member Contributor

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    I agree 2 has a certain weight because of the reader's inclusion. Interesting, having a question as the hook, might try that with my queries.
     
  4. Crystal Parney
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    Crystal Parney Member

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    I like # 2 too.
     
  5. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    2. The others are too vague and philosophical for me.
     
  6. Mckk
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    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Thank you for all your comments :) I added a new potential hook that runs in a different vein to the ones I was originally thinking, do take a look!
     
  7. cabbage
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    cabbage Member

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    May I be honest? None of the above. 1 and 2 are banal. 3 and 4 are unclear. As for 5, I had to read it twice to understand the meaning that was not because English is not my mother tongue.
     
  8. cabbage
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    cabbage Member

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    Besides, people who know these things advise against asking questions. An agent, reading a query letter, does not expect to be puzzled, he does not expect questions, but answers.
     
  9. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    ditto that!... NEVER ask questions in a query... and only a rare few agents insist on it including a 'hook'... most simply want a well-written business letter with a compelling summary paragraph...
     

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