1. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    Hey, here is my idea..."Impossible Dreams"

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Zionmoose, May 27, 2008.

    Hey guys, and ladies, it's nice to meet all of you. I've begun writing a script and i was wondering what you all thought of the initial pitch.

    The pitch:

    As the captain of his high school football team, Sean struggles with a secret passion he has...to prove science wrong and create a working perpetual motion engine.

    He has long had an obsession for physics; one that's been buried since he was a child. Wanting to escape his clichéd lifestyle shaped by football, he sets out on a journey to inevitably create what mankind believes to be "impossible."

    Armed with his intermediate knowledge and the passion to pursue the unreachable, his voyage begins...


    So what do you think? I've already begun writing the script, but do you think the idea is worth running with?

    Thanks for your opinions.
     
  2. Al B
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    Al B Senior Member

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    I think the idea has a lot of potential, largely because you have a premise based on the development of your character, and that's critical for a good tale. Additionally, you have the potential for some interesting conflicts that would stem from his 'jock' status in public and his 'nerd' status in private.

    With all that in mind, it doesn't actually matter what the science is, although it might be interesting if you could write that part with some convincing notions too, and with a script (hence ultimately a visual aspect to it) some at least remotely convincing science might be necessary. Having said that, if it is an 'impossible dream' you could concentrate on the journey, rather than the destination, so you don't have to end up with such a machine, although beware of the 'what a bummer' factor that threatens all scripts that have an unsuccessful outcome as part of the tale.

    The premise reminds me of some of the short stories by authors such as Harlan Ellison and FM Busby, and that's no bad thing, they've written some great stuff.

    I'd say go for it.

    Al
     
  3. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Write it, and then decide. Any idea is worth developing, if you have a plan for developing it, and the determination to carry it through.
     
  4. Tex
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    Tex New Member

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    Cogito it right.

    You know what you want to already. By asking this question, I'm guessing that you want to do it. Just go ahead, even if no one else likes it, you did it.
     
  5. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    Thanks for your suggestions. Its funny of you AL to mention making it about the journey as opposed to the destination, because thats exactly where this has been going. I have begun working on the project already as I have said, and maybe as I get more complete, I will post some stuff for you all to read.

    Again thank you.
     
  6. Aurora_Black
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    Aurora_Black Contributing Member

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    That sounds like it has potential, so a perpetual motion engine huh? I'd say thats going to be a mind-boggling discovery knowing that it will have to be continuously powered/force exertion of said machine. I'm intrigued to see how this can turn out. Good luck! :)
     
  7. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    Yes, I've always been intrigued by the idea behind perpetual motion, and really love the idea of proving that its possible. I just came up with this idea because I imagined what it must feel like to discover such a thing at my age, well slightly younger. But I didn't want the character to just be a science junkie, because I felt there needed to be some conflict in his life. So why not just give him 2 completely different lives; one of popularity, and one of secrecy.
     
  8. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    You will have a difficult time selling the "perpetual motion" theme, though. The Three Laws of Thermodynamics are very well established, and airtight. Worse yet, many of your readers will know them too - it's not like General Relativity, which is pretty murky to a well-educated reader.

    To talk your way around this, you will have to know the three laws well enough to argue convincingly that there are conditions for which the laws do not hold true.

    Your task is nearly as difficult as refuting conservation of energy
     
  9. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    while that's not an effective pitch, the concept is certainly worth developing...

    some advice... in writing a workable logline, i'd avoid using 'journey' and 'voyage' for what is really a 'challenge' this kid is tackling... forget the 'pitch' as you won't need one... what you will need [along with a professional qualit script] is a killer logline and a good, standard synopsis [single page in times 12pt] that lays out the beginning, the middle and the end, including all major plot elements...

    sounds like a good idea for an uplifting flick for kids... nice change from all the killing, maiming, torturing scheiss they get from most writers these days!... do you plan to do it as comedy, or drama?... who/what's the antagonist and what stands in the way of his attaining that goal?...

    i mentor and help lots of aspiring screenwriters and i'd be especially happy to help you with this, should you need a hand along the way... if so, just drop me a line any time...

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com

    ps: had you considered titling it 'possible dreams' just to be different and more upbeat, as well as 'catchier'?
     
  10. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    Well the conflict initially begins between Sean and his father, just some typical family issues. Then as he develops his relationship with girlfriend, his obsession begins to threaten what they have going. It eventually leads to the point where his project starts taking over his life in such a way that he begins to get totally closed out from the entire world.

    Its really more of a story of his struggles through his senior year trying to defy physics "conservation of energy", "laws of thermodynamics", and prove to the world that anything is possible. Whether or not this invention is possible will be determined based how I feel the character is developing. I am leaning more towards the fantasy side of the house mainly because, yes my knowledge is very limited on the subject of perpetual motion, so going with a modern fantasy will make it easier to sell the story.
     
  11. edens garden
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    edens garden Senior Member

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    This sounds like a script i would actually pay at the mainstream theater to see, rather than wait for the dollar movies. The idea of a young man who has the cliché American Dream who wants to give it all away in exchange for his own dream is refreshing. Usually it is the opposite you see. My advice, try to keep the focus on Sean, how he is willing to fight for his dream and live his own life rather than the successful completion of the machine. That way, if it does work the viewer would be happy for Sean for accomplishing his dream, and if it doesn't you are still happy that he lived his own way and fought for his dream.
     
  12. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    Thanks, I'm glad you all see where I'm trying to go with this. So far im working on the relationship between Sean and his father Martin. They have struggled most of their lives because of Martin's drinking problem, which subsequently drove his Mother to divorce his father. Even though his mother would have been a better choice to live with, he chose to stay with his father because he did not want to leave his friends and his life as a football player for the Silvervale Lions. Constantly dealing with his fathers negativity, he decides its time to prove that he will not end up like his drunken father.
     
  13. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    what you're describing in your latest two posts will make this more a 'lifetime' channel cheapie, than a general release feature...

    to make it a 'high concept' script, you'll need to focus more on the gizmo, than the kid's personal relationships issues... think 'weird science' and 'war games' and 'the manhattan project'...
     
  14. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    I will take this into great consideration. I never plan on losing sight of the project, i just really want to built upon the reason why he strives to do this.
     
  15. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    that's the part that will most likely keep it from being a box-office hit and relegate it to the cable channels that specialize in such stuff... those who pay ten bucks to see teen-aimed movies want to see things happen, not be subjected to the mc's inner conflict...

    but it's your choice to make and if you don't need to aim this for the movie houses, go ahead and write it any way you want...
     
  16. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    In your personal opinion, do you believe I should move somewhat away from the struggle then?
     
  17. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    to make a good movie and have some chance to sell the script, yes!...

    personal struggle plots are really hard to pull off successfully and take a master's hand to write it well enough that enough people will want to pony up ten bucks to watch two hours of it, to make it worth spending millions to make... [sorry 'bout that long, involved sentence! ;-)]

    but a story about a teen with a great gizmo will be 1. easier to write... 2. sell much more easily, if written even close to professionally... and 3. do better at the box-office...
     
  18. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    Thanks, I will take this into consideration...
     
  19. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    Here is a small sample of the formatting and opening. Does it look ok, or does it need some more work.

    <link deleted - If you want reviews, you MUST post in the Review Rooms, and not via links. Also N.B., formatting is not a writing issue.>

    I put it on myspace simply so you could see the proper formatting.
     
  20. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    nice try, but it needs a lot of work, sorry to say... you clearly need to learn the abc's of screenwriting...

    first, your writing is not accepted screenwriting style on several fronts... all action must be in simple, declarative present tense, no 'ing'-ending verbs...

    next, you're writing in camera directions, which is a big no-no and on top of that, doing it incorrectly...

    wrylies are way overused and overworded...

    punctuation is often incorrect in both dialog and action/description elements and dialog format is off... it's not centered, but has left-aligned margin, with right ragged, both set in from rest of script...

    there are other major and minor flaws i can't take time to deal with here, but will be glad to show you, if you send me that excerpt...

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  21. Zionmoose
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    Zionmoose Member

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    Ha, your absolutely right. Thank you.

    Way to many wrylies, I dont have any idea what I was thinking. I read that if you cant display most of the emotion through your writing then its probably not very good anyway, so thank you and I will work on this. As for the format, its just hard to show you. I use an online program that formats it correctly, however whenever I try to display it, for some reason it goes awry. I can download an RTF version of the file, but at always misaligns it.
     

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