So, I didn't really know which category to put this in but thought this one might be the best bet. One of my works in progress is a novella set during 1471 (in England) and the opening scene is the Battle of Tewkesbury. I have the basics down and some of the character's emotions but other than that the whole scene feels static and distant so I need help ... I was wondering what you think are vital elements in literary battle or fight scenes that make them read well, sound realistic, and help the reader invest in the protagonist (who is a Yorkist in case you were wondering). Any ideas or opinions would be amazing, thank you!
Not too long ago I gave a member a private crit on a historical fiction battle scene and it suffered from the same problem, static and distant. I haven't read your scene, so I don't know what's going on it, but I can tell you what I found in the scene I did read that made it this way: History Lesson Syndrome I know that for historical fiction writers, getting the details correct is a passion. I get this. Genuinely, I do. But if you take my POV way up into the clouds to recount the whole battle to me, for every foot of elevation I lose a corresponding amount of investment in any character. You may need to let go of some of the bigger picture and focus on a smaller part of the battle, a part that is within the genuinely possible range of engagement of the POV character. Facts Trumping Feelings It's a battle. Lives are being lost by the second. Blood is flying by the bucket. Heads are lost. Arms, legs, entrails. Phrases like torn asunder are literal, not figurative here. People have shat themselves, and not just a few. It's fucking horrifying. No amount of penicillin will take care of the wounded - if they even had such a thing, which they did not - as limbs now best described as bloody stumps drag terminal bodies pitifully in no discernible direction. Men as big and shaggy as bulls call for their mothers like babes and weep. Yes, yes, the facts of the battle matter, but those are dry and impersonal, and, as you already note, static and distant. I need to feel the hot river of urine run down my leg as my neocortex closes shop and it's all limbic and motor function from there on. Just my 2p. ETA: Caveat: Obviously the reactions and feelings I mentioned aren't the only ones available in a battle. Of course. I can already feel some member furiously typing to correct me that people can engage a battle with determination and courage and valor and all that good shit. So, to you, O Furious Typer: duh, yes, of course, obviously. My point is emotions over facts, not which emotions in particular.
@Wreybies makes some good points. To go cinematic, think of the opening battle scene of "Saving Private Ryan". We start out in a landing craft and nobody can see a damn thing, just the steel walls of the boat around them. They're checking their gear, praying, and one guy actually does have piss trickling down his leg, then the boat hits the beach, the door slams down, and already a couple guys are dead. Worm's eye view, focusing on the feelings, not how many craft are inbound, or how deep the German defenses are, just one tiny, bottom-view periscope of the whole battle. Also, sorry that I'm not familiar with the time period or specific battle, so feel free to disregard as appropriate, but another thing to think about is the professionalism and experience of the troops involved. In On Killing, Dave Grossman argues that many pre-modern battles were largely just shoving matches in the initial stages. Many of the combatants would not be trained, full time soldiers, but some variety of hoplites (civil levies, the bakers and sculptors under arms mentioned in the movie "300"). If (if) your POV character is one of these, he's going to have a hard time sticking his sword into another person for the first time, as may his opponent. I'm envisioning moments of terrified shouting and shoving, hoping that somehow this isn't really happening, it really isn't so bad until suddenly someone does something fatal to someone else, and as they're fond of saying now, "shit gets real" and devolves into the horrors mentioned above. Hope this helps, but junk what doesn't work for your story.
I'd also point out to furious typer that courage is not a case of not being afraid , its a case of doing your job and your duty as a soldier despite being so scared that even the piss seeping into your boots feels cold. A soldier who says he isn't scared by battle is either a fool, a sociopath, or a liar.
On point Antony Riches (the Empire roman series) does a good job of capturing the chaos of battle - likewise Bernard Cornwell particularly in 1356 and Azincourt.
Thanks everyone, these comments are really helpful I'm feeling better about tackling my next draft already!
I'm just brainstorming here ...no experience of battle or even of writing about one. But the perspective of your character is probably also important. If this character is leading or directing a battle—or his own particular portion of the battle—he'll have a different goal from the footsoldier who is probably just trying to survive and kill off as many of the 'enemy' that he can while staying alive himself, while listening for commands from his commanders. A leader, on the other hand, will be watching the progress of the battle (even if he's in the middle of it) and looking for moments when he needs to change direction, fall back, advance, whatever. He'll have the ultimate objective in mind, and he'll need to direct the others in some way.
And bear in mind that, at the Battle of Tewkesbury, communications would have been chaotic (and the smoke of their artillery wouldn't have helped)...riders heading from the King's command group to the leaders of the various "battles" and telling them what the King wanted them to do (bear in mind the confusion at the Battle of Balaclava/Charge of the Light Brigade caused by verbal orders), based upon what the King could see (not always reliable) as long ago as it took for the rider to cover the distance. And that's assuming the rider wasn't collateral damage on the way over. Plus, the Duke of Gloucester then has to translate these orders into actions by his troops. Any order is tough to implement once the troops are in contact with the enemy. And the hardest order to follow in any battle is "Retreat in good order." Once you start to retreat, a rout is not far behind, and hot on the heels of the rout is the enemy's cavalry, killing you as you run...in any mediaeval battle, the vast majority of casualties is after the battle has been won and lost.
