1. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Horrible place in my life right now.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by MatrixGravity, Jul 22, 2011.

    I'm 18 right now currently unemployed, live at home, and everything that's going on is taking a huge toll on me. I feel mentally and psychically exhausted from all this stress and I am really alone here at the moment. One of my major concerns right now is the terrible social life I have. I only have about two best friends right now, and I hardly see them because I can never make plans with them because they simply don't seem to want to hang out so I'm basically stuck sitting at home for days unless I want to go somewhere alone which is always a downer. I'm so tired of being alone, and over the last two months I have been searching for a job and really trying to put myself out there, but at times I wonder what the point of it all is anymore. I just say.."Yes I'll get a job.. then what"? I just want to have companions.

    Normal friends that I can actually hang out with. I just feel like I'll start working and I won't make any friends in the workplace and I'll just be waking up everyday, working, coming home and being alone all over again. I just want things to get better you know? I got over my ex a few months ago so thats no longer an issue but the social isolation is prolonging my horrible anxiety disorder that I rather not disclose because its so uncommon most people don't understand it, and my terrible friends aren't helping either. I just don't have any outlook on life anymore. I don't know what I want to do with my future anymore, and I wake up everyday wondering what I'll do today, what I'm going to be doing next week, and I fear that another year will go by without accomplishing anything. I was once told that you will miss 99% of the shots you don't take, but my problem is I simply don't know where to aim. Last month I developed this huge interest in pursuing acting, but since then that interest has greatly decreased and I feel somewhat discouraged because of the fact that it's a difficult field to break into. I am stuck at crossroads in my life where I am just unable to figure out which path to take. This is what I have going on right now. Just neverending worries and constantly trying to figure out what to do. I

    want a brighter future but if only I knew how to find it. I don't know.. Maybe once I get a job then things will come into perspective but for now, It's overbearing and I am trying to hang in there. You guys have no idea how bad of a place I am in right now. I won't get into too much detail but thats what I am trying to say so far. I'm just so desperate for companionship, just so I don't have to feel alone anymore. I remember when I was in a relationship last year, I never had any of these worries because I was always with my girlfriend and I always had plans with her. I never had to worry about this. But right now as a teenager I feel like I'm wasting my life away while other kids my age are out living it up and here I am day in and out wasting away like a pathetic little loser, and I can't believe I let things get this bad. I don't know. Maybe I should move away, I have no idea where to go or what to do anymore. I want to escape this solitude, and I also feel like I've missed out on so many teenage experiences. Partying, having fun, social events like that, I have never experienced them.

    I was really social last year but things took a turn for the worst. I just feel like I will never get to experience these things. Especially since I live In NYC, you'd think making friends would be easy but when you don't know where to start it gets complicated. Oh, how I wish I could just finally get employed, and make a bunch of friends at work that would invite me to social gatherings and to little events where I could be surrounded by people all the time and have fun, but unfortunately thats not the world we live in. Ain't life just grand..?
     
  2. EdFromNY
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    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

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    I sometimes think it's harder in New York, because the city is so large that it's easy for people to remain insulated from one another. For some, isolation is a comfort, for others, it's a curse.

    You are 18. Are you going to be going to college? Even if you go to a community college, it can be an excellent experience, and there are some good ones in New York. Not only would you expand your horizons through education, but you would also be able to participate in activities with people with similar interests to yours. It would also give you the chance to develop completely new interests. You could try different things on for size.

    You mention an anxiety disorder, but your post reads like you are seriously depressed. Have you sought professional help for this? If you haven't, you should. And if you have, and you still feel this way, then maybe you should seek out someone new. At 18, it can seem like the world is about to cave in on you, but the truth is that it's a really good time of your life because you still have your choices in front of you (not necessarily a fun time or an easy time, but a good time). But if your find yourself on a downward spiral, you won't recognize all the opportunities you may have. And if you are locked in anxiety or depression, then your natural tendency will be to avoid the kind of social reaching out that you need to do. So, getting the help of a qualified professional you trust is a really important step.

    A great thing about this city is that there is always a chance to help someone who's in need. Volunteering can be a great way to expand your horizons and to meet new people. Trust me, people who like to help others usually make really good friends.

    There really is only one thing you shouldn't do - and that's to sit and think you have no options. You do. Good luck and God bless.
     
  3. LordKyleOfEarth
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    LordKyleOfEarth Contributing Member Contributor

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    http://www.meetin.org/city/MEETinNEWYORK/index.cfm?CFS=Yes

    MeetIn is a social site where people, who want to meet people, can meet people. My brother was active with the local branch for a while. Cool people. Hell man, you got nothing to lose right?


    That aside, hang in there; things always get better.
     
  4. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    There's nothing closed off to you at your age, Matrix. That's the great thing about being 18. You can take any of the paths before you and still have plenty of time to change paths if it doesn't suit you.

    I know that's easy for me to say, and I'm sure it probably doesn't feel like it to you, but it is OK to wander and be a bit unfocused at 18. I sure as hell was. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to try to live up to some ideal of 18 year old life. Do what makes you happy and let the rest sort itself out.

    Good luck.
     
  5. LordKyleOfEarth
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    LordKyleOfEarth Contributing Member Contributor

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    Except for bars, of course. :D
     
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  6. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    Heh. True. You can go get shot overseas, but grabbing a pint at the local bar is right out. Makes sense.
     
  7. Trilby
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    Trilby Contributing Member Contributor

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    Life has its up and downs. At different times in our lives we all experience problems of one sort or another.
    They can be emotional, financial or social, the one thing you can be sure of things do, and will change, especially if you take steps to change them, which by looking for a job you are being active in making that change.

    At eighteen, I remember going through a load of emotional stuff, it passed.

    I think you are doing the right thing by trying to find a job. What about group activity - is there a writing group in your area that you could join?

    What things are you interested in that you could pursue - sports activities, craft maybe?

    The main thing is try not to worry about it.

    Good luck with the job search.
     
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  8. East
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    East Member

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    My advice to you is to get out of North America and see the world. It will change your view on how you should live your life. You do not need to be locked into a career by 23 years old, despite what American media tells you. Visit different cultures. See how people live in different places. It will help your writing too, as a side benefit.
     
  9. Eunoia
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    Eunoia Contributing Member Contributor

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    I know exactly how you're feeling. I haven't been able to change my social problems much, but it is good if you can start thinking more optimistically towards things.

    You're unemployed, right? Well, why not do some voluntary work? It'll add skills to your CV, and you may make some friends, and even if you don't at least you're being social and interacting with people.

    What about any hobbies and interests? You said you liked acting, well why not join an acting/drama group? It may not be so you can break into it professionally, but at least you'll hopefully be having fun and you could maybe make some friends there. If you like a certain sport, join a club for it. A reading group at your library.

    As for your anxiety, obviously I don't know what kind it is, but have you tried joining a forum for it? You can discuss your problems online there and trust me, you won't be the only one with your problems. Also, there'll usually be regional self help meetings where you can try and tackle your anxiety and there's no pressure because you can move and deal with it as slowly or quickly as you like.

    Good luck. Hope things improve for you soon.
     
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  10. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Exactly right, East. (btw, love your avatar.)

    My advice, OP, is to take it slow, take it easy. Sooner or later, it shall all work out in the end.
     
  11. NikkiNoodle
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    NikkiNoodle Active Member

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    What you are going through right now is completely normal. I went through it to. Its going to sound strange, but this will be good for you. This situation is going to force you to step out of your comfort zone, grow, and be pro-active.

    It sounds like you were so used to relying on your relationship with your girlfriend that you neglected to make yourself an individual outside that part of your life. Well, now you have the perfect opportunity to put all the garbage down and put yourself out there. There are so many groups of people that can help broaden your horizons. Volenteer groups can help you meet great people and really give you a sense of accomplishment at having done something that matters, something good for someone else.

    Something I learned, partly from being in a very similar place in my life at your age and partly from other experiences in my life, is that you are NOT promised tomorrow. Planning and making goals is good and important but life doesnt always take you where you want to go. So many times our best laid plans go to waste and we end up looking around in confusion going, "wait just a minute. I wasn't supposed to be here. What in the world do I do now? This is NOT fair."
    We aren't guarenteed anything in life except the moment we are in. For this instant you are ALIVE. Breathing, thinking, feeling, living. Do you know what a great blessing that is? Get outside and feel the wind on your skin. Be quiet for a minute and listen to the sounds of the city. Live completely in the moment you are in because you don't know if tomorrow will happen. Hug your parents. Take advantage of life, and don't take right now for granted worrying about where you will be a year from now. Don't let worries about the future steal your present. You aren't wasting time if your living it.

    Don't wait and worry for the day life will toss everything you want into your lap. It wont come. Be happy to be ALIVE and step out of your comfort zone, put yourself out there. This time WILL come to and end. It's only a season. The next part of your life will happen, spring follows winter with all it's new growth and life and new opportunities. Here's a poem that hardens my fighting spirit, maybe it will do the same for yours.


    Invictus

    Out of the night that covers me,
    Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
    I thank whatever gods may be
    For my unconquerable soul.

    In the fell clutch of circumstance
    I have not winced nor cried aloud.
    Under the bludgeonings of chance
    My head is bloody, but unbowed.

    Beyond this place of wrath and tears
    Looms but the Horror of the shade,
    And yet the menace of the years
    Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

    It matters not how strait the gate,
    How charged with punishments the scroll.
    I am the master of my fate:
    I am the captain of my soul.

    William Ernest Henley


    Don't be down. It may sound trite, but it's absolutely true...but this too shall pass. Hang in there.


    All the best!~
     
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  12. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    Fake it til you make it has always worked for me.

    These times do pass, but you can make it pass a lot more quickly if you push yourself to do the things that will get you where you want to be. For instance, you say you want more friends, sincere friends. Eventually you will be put into a situation in which you will meet a good friend, but you might meet more or meet someone sooner if you go out places where people are interested in mingling.

    Think about your hobbies. Do you like art? How about you sign up for a drawing or painting class? Do you like a particular sport? Sign up for an intramural team. Or maybe you want to volunteer. Join an organization that benefits a cause that meets a few times a week. If you sit around in your house all day drawing or shooting hoops or raising money online, that's fine, but you don't meet many people like that. And getting a job will help too --I'm friendly with my coworkers, and we all go out from time to time.

    Unplug yourself from technology. Get off Facebook --it is really disheartening, when you feel lonely, when you see people who you thought you were friends with post photos of event after event after event that you weren't invited to. I understand that for sure. Take off your headphones. For example, everyone knows that kid in class who only takes out his headphones once the teacher starts class. He doesn't make very many friends, does he, because he has closed himself off socially. Instead of texting people who may or may not be your friends while you're out and about, put your phone away and pay attention to your surroundings and the people who share them.

    And don't wait for things to happen to you. Instigate them. Talk to the kid next to you in class. Walk up to a group of people and say hi. If you're on an intramural team, maybe ask them if they've ever done this before, or congratulate them on that awesome goal they just scored. It's really just that simple. Put yourself out there and be positive and talk to people. Just like you are flattered when people congratulate you, believe it or not, other people feel the same way; we all feel insecure about instigating conversation from time to time, but it pays big dividends when you take matters into your own hands --I promise. :)

    When you are in a position like this, when you feel like you are at rock bottom, you've really got two choices. You can sit there with your nothingness and it's much less likely someone will come down to you and lift you up. Or you can stand up yourself and even if you don't think you can lift yourself up, you can at least try. Put a smile on your face, act like it's all fine, and put yourself out there. It is hard sometimes to do that when you don't feel it, but people tend to befriend people who they think are fun and interesting and will benefit them in some way. If you can at least look like that, I think you'll see some results.

    Good luck with everything. Keep your chin up. Things don't stay bad forever; so be on the lookout for the good things in life and appreciate them when they come.
     
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  13. WriterDude
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    WriterDude Contributing Member Contributor

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    Like having to be 16 to be allowed to have sex, but you have to 18 to watch others do it in movies or buy... stuff. :p

    Anyway, Matrix, you have your whole life ahead of you. Trust me, there are people who have had a much worse time tnah you, but they all made it through it. I was unemployed for three whole years before I found a crappy job with morons for co-workers. But I kept the job for a while, and it opened up to a whole new job with much better people. For that matter, I remember back in the late 90s, I was really bored and hanging out with a friend. We had nothing to do, so we went walking around downtown at random when we met two of his female friends. I ended up dating one of them a whole year, and we even discussed marriage for a short while. Life can change when you least expect it. ;)
     
  14. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    I was unemployed for nearly two years, and finally started working again last October.

    It really is no fun at all being in that position. But there is really no alternative to taking it a day at a time, and putting a full time effort into jobhunting.

    You survive it because you must.
     
  15. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    I strongly urge you to take up some kind of volunteer work. It will keep you busy doing something useful and hopefully you'll meet some interesting people. It will be useful experience for your cv when you are job hunting also. I don't know how things work in the US, but it could be good if you did some kind of vocational training that had a large practical trainee requirement imo. The thing NOT to do is psychoanalize yourself or search for meanings etc. It doesn't help at this stage. Get practical, and get out there.
     
  16. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Its not that.. I dont think anything can help me at this point. No amount of volunteer work will change anything unfortunately. I am extremely envious of most actors/actresses who have their lives together. They were fortunate enough to get a head start into their careers and now they have their entire lives figured out and set. They have everything they could ever want, and get to constantly work on new movies with new people, and I doubt any of them has these kind of problems. I just despise them so much. Why couldnt I be fortunate enough to be as blessed as them? I feel like my existence is just worthless. I just woke up about ten minutes ago, and here I am with these thoughts again.

    "What am I going to do today"? "What am I going to do"? "What now"? "Is this really my life"? "

    You guys it's just horrible absolutely terrible. I wish things didnt have to be this way. I honestly dont think anything is going to change and I just feel like another year will go by with nothing achieved. I don't want to end up suicidal and these emotions are killing me. I feel overwhelmed and I feel like I am ready to just drop dead. This can't go on it just cant. I hate this feeling. I hate that everyday goes by and nothing changes. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I hate the way I look now I used to be way more attractive but something is definitely off now. I feel like this is honestly the end of the road. Things just cant get better and if they will, I wouldnt know how. I dont know how its possible to endure such hell at such a young age. This is mentally destroying me. I just look around my room and look at all the empty void that used to be once filled and everything is just gone. This just cant be life. I dont even care about a job anymore. So what I'll work? I don't want anything to buy. There is nothing I need. I dont know what im going to do anymore..
     
  17. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    For every actor who is successful there are a thousand who are not, and just because an actor is successful now doesn't mean to say they didn't have millions of rejections, bum jobs, and depressing moments. Or maybe their life is not as rosy as it looks. There are also always people--in every profession--who aren't rich and famous, but they are still happy, i.e. successful in life.

    And anyway, what's someone else's life got to do with you?

    Perhaps you need professional help?
     
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  18. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    You should probably talk to a professional, Matrix. Someone trained to help people with what you are going through might do you a lot of good. Best of luck to you.
     
  19. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    About the acting, the hard to get into side is stuff like movies and Broadway, and no one (okay, very few at least) makes their debut that way. Start off with local community plays put on through a local church, community center, casual theater group etc, because with those, pretty much anyone who tries out can get a part. Keep in mind you will probably get a smaller role if you're new to acting, but this isn't something to resent. Everyone starts small and works their way up: you can't get into lead roles right off the bat unless you're great at the art right away, which few people are. But don't let that discourage you, everything takes practice, and everyone was a beginner once.
     
  20. Daydream
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    Daydream Contributing Member Contributor

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    I went through exactly the same thing when I was 16, after moving from Australia to England. I had to go to a school that would allow me to do 2 years in one since I had missed half through the move from Australia to England. I prettymuch felt the same way for an entire year until I went to college. First piece of advice I can give you is relax, your only 18. That means you have alot of time to change things. BUT that doesn't mean do it whenever. This is something that will entirely depend on you. People won't just come to you because they see you in pain (not counting family etc) and that's the sad truth :( You need to do something that will involve you connecting with others. Join a sport club or any club, some kind of society, volunteer work etc. It's amazing how quickly things can change when you join some kind of a club. I mean it's just a start, but it goes on from there. You'll go out with them and meet more people who may have something in common with you that those from your club don't. Already there you've maybe made another group of friends. Anyway this it's hard giving advice over the internet. I hope this helps abit...and makes sense lol. Lastly just make sure to not sit at home and waste away thinking of what you could be doing...just do it! It's what I did for one year and it doesn't go down well...When I finally went to college and made alot of friends I felt like a bird flying for the first time!

    So anyway good luck with everything!
     
  21. aimi_aiko
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    aimi_aiko Contributing Member

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    Yes, I most certainly do. =/ I left you a PM.
     
  22. Jayyy1014
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    Jayyy1014 Jerrica Contributor

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    Them "actors/Actresses" you see in movies or on t.v aren't living the kind of life you'd expect. Love and fame isn't exactly the easiest to work out because of the time you give to work, And unless you want to work your life away, that isn't a peachy kind of lifestyle. Get out do some volunteer work, trust me it helps :) then maybe look for a part-time job as well. Go out and seek clubs/groups that interest you and join as many as possible. Great way to making friends and learning about your interests! :) also volunteer work looks GREAT on resumes! :) Equaling a more chance you'll get hired! also, don't ever feel alone, I know we're not as good as people you can physically hang out with, but we're here for you, most of us have been in that position and most of us are pretty good listeners! :) If you ever want to talk just hit me up with a pm or visitor message. :)
     
  23. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have to agree. Therapy helps a lot of people, including me, get through rough times in their lives. I hear that you aren't happy with your life, but you really are the only one that can change it. We are just people on the Internet, and we can give you the best suggestions in the world, but none of us can help you. We don't know you and we cant make you do anything, and almost all of us aren't qualified to give you psychological advice. If you feel so badly, you really need to talk to someone who can help you get on a good path. I know it doesn't feel like it, but there is a path out there for you; perhaps you just need someone to show it to you.
     
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  24. Interceptor
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    Interceptor New Member

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    woow, dude, slow down a bit...

    about that professional help, didn't he say that he doesen't have money?
     
  25. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    There are many programs that will reach out without a fee. Area hospitals will probably be able to direct you to them.
     

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