I'm still on my second lot of edits on my complete redo of my short story and I'm really stuck with all my dialogue. The dialogue was a big problem in my last attempt and it still is now (and now I can see it and it makes me feel sick to reread what I wrote). Here are the main problems I'm having with it: It is either too juvenile, posh or stiff. When I make changes it seems to flip between these. I'm having trouble making individual voices, they all seem the same. The ways emotions are expressed seems wrong. One character is concerned for another, but I don't know whether it really works. Here is a sample of what it's like at the moment. It isn't pretty, frankly I find my dialogue yucky. “It’s not going to be enough,” said William, his head hanging over the short stack of coins. “I’ve got to pay the Lanbry Express to get it there- fuck, have we got time?” Tim nodded with a smile. It would only take a few minutes. “-and by that time there’ll only be this.” William split the stack in two, one with three outsids and the other with only two, that one being the remainder. Timothy leaned back to look up at him, William’s eyes obscured with loose black hair. “You could always wait until we’re a bit further up the coast, closer so you won’t have to pay as much.” “And by that time they could be out of a home.” Timothy opened his mouth to say something but closed it realising whatever he said wouldn’t help. Ugh, it makes me want to cry. Sorry for asking all these questions lately.