1. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    How do /you/ handle death?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Bick, Jun 23, 2007.

    I've had 3 deaths this year that really bothered me and I find no real way to deal with it. I just sit in a private place and let out my tears. I always get angry. There has to be better ways to handle death. Any ideas? How did you handle the death the family or friends?
     
  2. coral reef
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    coral reef Banned

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    AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE!
    my best friend died over a year ago, it still hurts, but after a year of drinking the pain away and crying myself to sleep, i realised that none of it bought him back. i found writing poetry and songs about him helped to relieve some of the pain, so i wasnt botteling things up. also it helps to think of the good times and have a laugh. and theres one quote i particuarly like

    "dont cry because its over, smile because it happened"

    it takes time, it hurts alot. but find a quiet place and write down your feelings, or write them letters even though they wont read them. and dont be afraid to talk to them, theyre always listening.
     
  3. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    So writing is a good way? I've tried to do that but when it comes to writing about someone I've lost, it just really depresses me.

    I do talk to people I've lost, but I've had to stop doing that since my mum was getting concerned :x

    :( Sorry about your friend. I lost a close family friend, he was what I would consider my dad... but not at the same time. Though at most times her was more a friend then a dad.
     
  4. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    It will depress you. But the sad feelings will never go away if you don't express them.

    I lost someone I loved deeply several years ago. She had a smoking-related heart failure, and was too young to die that way. She was a psychologist who worked at a group home, and was nothing short of amazing in reaching some very troubled boys whom everyone else had given up on.

    I wrote to her in a journal, daily. I set up a whole section of my web site at the time as a memorial to her. I kept her alive in my heart.

    She is at rest now. I am at peace. I will always love her, but I have moved on.

    The pain passes, but only if you let it run ts course. You live on, and you remember the person's life rather than focusing on the end of it.

    But nothing will make the process finish quickly.
     
  5. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    Pain is a part of death. So is queastions and an array of motions. As cliche as it is to say, time is the best healer. Sure, you will think about the person that has passed, but the pain lessons. Writing is a good source of release. Or going for long walks. Keep a journal to jot down your thoughts and even draw in there. It doesn't have to be neat or make sense either. It's your journal. Heck, I keep one and trust me, it's barely readable!

    And also you can talk to your friends and family members but sometimes it's alo better to talk to someone that wasn't so close the person. A stranger can be a great sounding board (but not a stranger on the bus or something okay?!)

    Everyone deals with death in different ways. Write letters to them, keep them in a special box. Planting a tree or having a small memorial garden is also a great way to remember these people bye. You could go and sit under that treet or in that garden and talk with your loved ones.

    Eventually you will get through this, even though it hurts right now. Even though you might think that the anger wont go away. You have a right to mourn and don't let anyone tell you how long you should mourn.

    *Huggles*

    ~Doz.
     
  6. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    In the first 6 months of last year I lost 6 people dear to me. I lost my brother, then a dear friend, then my brother inlaws grandmother who was an angel and then 3 very dear friends of mine, whilst still trying to come to the realisation that my mother is dieing.

    So really I don't like death at all, I lock myself away from the world when I lose someone and push everyone away. Then I end up writing poetry like I never have before and it is the most amazing stuff I have ever written and that is when I stop pushing people away.

    I found that I could never talk about my grief to anyone at all, still can't, but I can display it the way I need to with the written word in poetry. I have found that it is always the easiest way to get it out, for the page doesn't answer you back lol I like it that way :D:D:D:D
     
  7. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    Those are some good ideas. I shall try them out for sure.

    Okay let me give one moment to do this : -hugs torana- Oh my bob :( I couldn't see myself being able to handle that. You must be one strong woman.
     
  8. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    I lost my grandfather last year. A couple of friends between then and now. But I find Im quite at peace with it. I was sad sure, but it didn't take me long at all to move on. I dont know. Im sorry I cant help you more, and Im sorry for your losses.
     
  9. Eoz Eanj
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    Eoz Eanj Contributing Member Contributor

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    Find someone and talk to them, talk to them about everything, talk, talk, talk and then talk some more and when I mean talk, I mean about anything, it doesn't even have to concern your losses. This someone maybe a friend, an adult, or even some stranger you've struck up a conversation with at the shopping centre- personally I find a councillor or chaplin or psychologist or doctor is the best way to go as they're legally obliged to keep whatever you express to themselves- but that's just me, frankly anyone will do. I've been through some sh!t times and I believe if it weren't for my various councellors and psychologists that I've seen I would've strayed from the path of sanity long ago. Another thing, try not to keep yourself isolated- do not become a hermit- yes greive in privacy and peace but find the bravery within yourself to not spend days on end dwelling on how bad you're feeling- it can and probably will kill you. As for perspective, I've always thought that even when someone is medically dead (please excuse the crude term) they still exist not only in your memory and physical things like photos and letters but even the atoms and energy that once consituted their mind and body.

    I wish you strength and happiness bick.
     
  10. Raven
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    Raven Banned

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    There is no easy way to handle death. Been army I have been surrounded by death. I've lost friends and i've seen others die. I never forget them. It hurts to lose a friend to death because thats it.

    It never gets easier.
     
  11. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    No it wouldn't. My six year old nephew suffered from cerebal palsy and he died on the seventeenth of july two years ago. On my birthday (which sounds unbelevable but it's unfortunatly true.). I feel sad thinking about it and my sister asked me if it was wrong of her to leave his stuff as it is in his room. I told her I would be worried if she immeadiatly took it down. These thing, objects of the person that has passed can help you to connect. The thing is, maybe look at it as a gift, not them dying but the fact that you were honored ebough to know and meet these people. And maybe it's not a matter of how do you get over death, it's just that you do.
     
  12. Dcara83
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    Dcara83 New Member

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    i beat

    jesus out of it. and chase the reaper. he's fast. i am tired.:cool:
     
  13. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    I can tell!
     
  14. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    At first, the mementos only remind you of the loss. But gradually, they help you remeber the person's life, and all the joy they brought.
     
  15. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    At the moment, I'm hoping my cousin and uncle will let me have her "man". It was a ugly little stuffed frog given to her in the hospitol, since she had been asking for my cousin to get her a good looking old man. It was with her when she died and I'd really like to have it D= But I don't know if they want it as much as I do.
     
  16. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    Maybe just ask the people if they would mind giving it to you and explain why it means so much to you.
     
  17. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Or if you could take tempoirary custody of it for a while, if they want to keep it in the long term
     
  18. Raven
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    Raven Banned

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    My friend had a small teddy bear his wife gave him he called it his lucky charm and took it everywhere when we were on tour always keeping it in his burgan or his body pouch. When he fell the company passed it on to her and carrying it back made us all shed a lot of tears because it was all she had to remember him from our tour. So i understand the value these things have.
     
  19. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    *sobs and huggles*
     
  20. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    I have a stuffed bear I had given to my friend, As it guarded her bedroom while she was at work, it now guards mine.
     
  21. Night Haunter
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    Night Haunter Banned

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    The value of small teds and objects is simply amazing.
     
  22. Torana
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    My brother left me with a car, it is old and not that reliable...hard to start when it is cold and has some other problems. Everyone tells me to sell it, but due to the fact that my brother left it to me, I find that I can't bare to part with it.

    Material possessions can be wonderful to hold onto, but inreality we are given only two things in life that we should truely hold on to from those we lose along the way. That is the loved ones memory and the love we share with them.

    Those are the things that no one can ever take away from us and will be with us always and truely do bring us far more joyous and memorable moments than material possessions.
     
  23. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    It's weird that today I feel no sadness or anger D= I just get this feeling of guilt that I get to eat tasty food, walk through the sand that she so much liked. I'm guessing it's just anothe stage.

    The talking thing did help. I was just talking with my uncle and we were just shooting out memories we had of her. We had some good laughs and it made me feel a hell of alot better.
     
  24. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    The family friend I talked about earlier had left me his bird. He really loved that bird and it meant a lot to me. He was a mean ol' boy too, but I couldn't help by love him as her bit me. He died about 2 months after my friend died though.
     
  25. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    Sharing memories is one of the most precious gifts could hope to receive at times of loss.

    I am glad that you are feeling a little bit better Bick. <big hugs for you>
     

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