What I mentioned in the initial post is not 'additional flaws' but consequences of an addiction. My first post was perhaps badly worded, I see that now. Porn addiction leads, after a number of years, for my character to isolation, loneliness, depression, although, as I've pointed out already, I don't know enough about depression to explore that properly but at the same time I'm not looking to write a definition of it either. Hopefully that clears things up and we can return to the original question
I was attempting to have a little class rather than saying that the guy is a loser who has a sexual problem which is what you seem to think people with porn addiction. If anyone doesn't know what porn addiction is, it'd be you because you obviously think they are abnormal individuals with the moral consciousness of a worm. A very religious and in a way naïve mindset because nowadays porn watching is very, very common place. Addiction is addiction, regardless of what you refer to it as. The reason why I say you don't know what porn addiction is, is because it is a lot more complex than merely being depressed. The sexual act itself becomes something akin to a chore & meaninglessly repetitive [sort of like long-term gambling, a trained response in a way]. Now how are you going to relay that in a book without making it seem that the guy is a waste of space - seeing as he isn't likeable to begin with. See you grabbed an idea that most people won't understand - nor care to understand - and will think it as being nothing more than a joke. To the average person this is the embodiment of a computer geek because that is how such individuals as viewed. A spotty overweight loser j*rking off to porn because he can't land himself a woman. You say you want to stay away from such a stereotype than I suggest researching exactly what porn addiction is and changing your character because seeing as he is so unlikeable very few people are going to care for him.
First of all, my character is ONE character with a porn addiction and the consequences that has for HIM. You responded with your definition of a porn addict; an overweight computer geek who couldn't get laid. I responded by telling you that's a stereotype and no where near reality–at least as far as I know–and I wanted to avoid such stereotypes. I don't see how you were trying to 'have a little class' by basically calling anyone with a porn addiction a fat geek who can't get laid. I have never stated that people who are addicted to porn are 'abnormal individuals with the moral consciousness of a worm'. Read my initial post. It doesn't say anything about abnormality and nothing about moral consciousness. You are putting words in my mouth sir and I don't like that. I've never mentioned religion either; again, that's your prejudice shining through as I've never thought of using any religious motivation or theme in this story at all. I never said porn addiction was 'merely being depressed'. Stop putting words in my mouth. Just because I didn't mention every single consequence of an addiction doesn't mean I'm not aware of them or that I'm not going to use them. I also mentioned being isolated (which is a choice that many people with porn addiction make; they rather stay home alone than go out i.e.), being isolated breeds loneliness, he makes bad decisions (one of them is staying home alone rather than go out with people) and a bunch more I didn't list as I thought the ones i listed would be sufficient for people to respond. Apologies if it wasn't. I certainly don't view people with porn addiction as a spotty overweight loser (again, that's YOUR stereotype, not mine) and choosing porn is not about not getting laid either. There are a lot of married people or people with girlfriends who have a porn addiction even though they have free access to sex most days. As a sponsor of several people with porn addiction I can assure you I've done a ton of research and from what you write I get the impression that you haven't. The question in my initial post still stands and I hope we can return to that now please. I don't like my thread being hijacked into a discussion on porn addiction. Just to reiterate; MY character, who is not a stereotype, a spotty computer geek or overweight but rather a normal looking guy who looks pretty normal to everyone around him, is a porn addict and he's living with the consequences of that; i.e. he makes bad decisions, like staying home rather than meet people, and because he doesn't like who he is because of his addiction, he tends to withdraw from people since he's afraid people will see who he truly is (or who he THINKS he truly is although people, like the female MC, disagrees). This leads to being isolated, and therefore lonely, and that leads to depression, although as stated previously in this thread, I don't feel like I know enough about the psychological term 'Depression' to write about it, but then again I'm not looking to define depression in a character, I'm just using some of the symptoms. So, a troubled man for sure who can easily turn into a sad character no one wants to read about, so how do I make the reader care about him? Clear enough? Can we get back to the original discussion please?
First thoughts: be severe, but be varied. Combine strong doses of raw, torturous self-hatred with a small number of things that he takes genuine pride in. Use direct self-reflection, but use objective descriptions of his environment and behavior as well—it helps stop the negativity from dissolving everything else. Treat his emotional turmoil as something he's fighting against, even if we may not reasonably be able to judge him for failure. Put some bright moments in his life, even if they involve events as small as a single conversation or a good day at work. In essence, you may be able to get your audience to care about someone with that sort of emotional trouble—plenty of protagonists have far more reprehensible traits than depression—but his character and his environment have to have enough other aspects to stop the darkness from becoming completely monochromatic.
You don't know him - them - well enough. You haven't spent enough time with them. YOU need to understand what happened in his life to make him feel that way and what made him addicted to porn, and what made her feel that she is doomed. Profile them. Spend days with them. Pay attention to things while you're driving, walking, shopping and put your character in that situation. Put one in your head and watch them go about their day. What do they say about their past? What do they carry over with them? Also, what does each want - does he end up rescuing her? Does she end up pushing him out of the way of an oncoming train that he had no intention of moving away from? Do they connect? Develop their psychology first, then the fuzziness will wear off and you will truly see them.
That's great advice! Thanks I'm doing NaNoWriMo with this character but I'll try to fit in some time to do as you suggest. You're right, I don't really know my character. Not as good as I should anyway. Truth is, I've never been very good at 'getting to know my characters'. Not sure how to, but I'll try to get better at it. Anyway, thanks!
To mirror @Adenosine Triphosphate on this matter, those "bright moments" are points of light in the darkness that are important. Sometimes it can be simple, almost trivial things, but they resonate with the character and the reader because it means so much at that exact moment. This is how life is and such experiences stick with you. Apparently I did something which meant so much to one person that it lead to him finishing college and getting his degree which lead to him getting a good job...I felt terrible because I could not even remember what he described or even his name. Now to another matter, @nhope - That is something which I had jumbled my words on before. Experience and understanding are essential to making believable and convincing representations. This sort of extended to my reaction to the "porn addiction" matter. @Quixote's Biographer - And this relates to my comment from before. That "dark secret" came across sort of a joke. Just so we are clear - it is not accepted in the DSM-5 and is not a diagnosis. So how do you define addiction and explore this? Why is it at odds with the proposed and rejected hypersexual disorder? First thing to come to mind is Dobson's advocacy and that's where my skepticism and dislike of it stems from.
I'm not writing a medical journal and I'm not turning this thread into a discussion on mental disorders or addictions. There are a lot of material on what an addiction is, so look that up. There's also an increasing amount of material on porn addiction if you care to look that up as well. (yourbrainonporn.com, http://pornstudycritiques.com/is-there-evidence-supporting-the-existence-of-pornography-addiction/ ) Porn addiction is, as far as I know, a sub category of Hypersexual disorder but I don't really see how it's relevant. Again, I'm not writing a medical text book on an addiction. I understand how it works, the consequences, recovery and so on and that's what I'm using. But for my original question just pretend my character has another addiction if that helps you actually respond to the question I posted. For (hopefully) the last time, this is not the right place to discuss views on porn addiction so please refrain from that in the future, ok? If you wanna discuss it further, send me a PM instead.
Just to be clear - I disagreed with the premise outright and decided to explain myself because I came across as kind of a jerk at about. I'll PM a more finer point if you care, but I was trying to tie everything together and clear up the confusion. How to make a reader care? Avoiding melodrama, creating believably, objectivity, and striving to explain the complex human condition in ways that resonate with readers. As a reader, I would be strongly resistant to the premise unless you have a compelling character... sorry, but it is the truth. Though I doubt I am part of your target audience anyways. So as a bit of character development push, to fill out the concepts, I think this link will be useful. It is a questionnaire that provides ideas to flesh out the characters. Not all questions will be relevant, but I think it is a good starting point.
I think I would care if his hard-fought efforts to improve legitimately failed, giving justifications to his depressive mood. Readers need to be able to identify with good and bad characters. There needs to be something about them that I also have been tempted to do, though I refuse to do so.