1. Roftmen
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    Roftmen New Member

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    How not to over use "The" or "And"

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Roftmen, Apr 2, 2009.

    Greetings, everyone, this will be my first post here on the forums. I'm a fiction writer who also delves into written role-playing to sharpen my skills and improve character development. Down below is a recurring problem that hampers my skill and sometimes even irritates those reading my work. I cannot seem to keep from overusing either word no matter how hard I try to avoid it..

    "In your deepest dreams, far beyond the wall of sleep, exists a world unlike anything you have ever experienced within the boundaries of written fantasy or fiction. Allow your mind to drift into the deepest reaches of the human psyche, past the comforts of sanity, delving into the deepest most uncharted vistas of imagination. While you are here, forget the comforts offered by feeble logic and science, these things held so high in importance on our plane of existence now rendered obsolete."

    -Nods- I will gladly accept any explanation as to why I have this structure problem and to avoid it.
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    I don't see an overuse problem. What I do see is an addiction to marathon sentences. Shorten an simplify. Maybe that will eliminate some ands as well.
     
  3. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Agreed with Cog. Remember, the writer's eye is different to the reader's eye. You, the writer, see all these definite articles and conjunctions, but the reader usually does not. These words serve a mechanical purpose but don't carry any weight of meaning. The brain ignores them for the most part. If there was an overuse of any word in the example you gave, it was the word deepest. Three times is a bit much, and twice in one sentence.

    When you look at a hot rod engine, do you see all the nuts and bolts that hold it together (there are countless of them) or is your eye drawn to the awesome carb, intake, and headers?

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Castlesofsand
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    Castlesofsand Banned

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    hmmm, hard to say here. I don't understand why you thought or brought up the abundance of 'the/and' in such a short text piece it is hard to see properly and judge.

    the lenght of the sentences can vary in acceptance to the reader. some like short concise precision points, i tend to like colour thrown in. not to say that i want to drown in pinks and yellows but a few would be nice. you are a bit over here, not much, but a bit.

    sentences can go either way, it depends on the story, characters, action around a plot. runon sentences, too many at least, try to say too much, pack everything into one breath but end up short in the end.

    good luck with your writing

    i think a lot of writers use 'and' 'the' too frequently, it has become a reliance.
     
  5. Okie
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    Okie Member

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    I know what you mean. I talk in long run on sentences too. My roomate calls it information super bursts. I can verbally tell a story of my day in 2 sentences in less than a minute.

    When I start to write, everything is a comma and I have maybe 3 sentences in the whole piece. Then I edit it with more appropriate punctuation, so that the rest of the world can understand it too.
     
  6. lynneandlynn
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    lynneandlynn Contributing Member

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    I'd have to agree with cog here. I don't see an abundance of "and" in the couple sentences you posted. However, I do see sentences that are way too long and the length of them distracted me and I had to reread them several times before I actually managed to read them in their entirety. I'd work on shortening your sentences first and then worrying about the overuse of "and."
     
  7. Roftmen
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    Roftmen New Member

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    Thank you

    Thank you all for your help, it has been most appreciated. When my website introduction is completed I will ask you to review it.
     
  8. architectus
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    architectus Banned

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    Because I learn best by examples, I try to offer examples.

    In your deepest dreams exists a world unlike anything you have ever experienced in written fantasy or fiction. Allow your mind to drift past the comforts of sanity, delving into the deepest most uncharted vistas of imagination. During your stay, forget the comforts of logic and science. Here they are rendered obsolete.
     
  9. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Before you do that, you had best learn more about the site. You should start by posting in New Member Introductions (as rfecommended when you completed registration).
     
  10. lynneandlynn
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    lynneandlynn Contributing Member

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    Okay, since someone else offered an example, I'll offer one myself.

    "Far beyond the wall of sleep there exists a world beyond anything you've ever experienced. Allow your mind to drift past the comforts of sanity, past the deepest reach of the human psyche, and into the most uncharted vistas of imagination. Forget the comforts offered by logic and science, as these things, so important in our plane of existence, are rendered obsolete here."

    ~Lynn
     

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