This is the sentence in question. I wanted to see if there can be anything changed about it. Like, is this telling or showing? The story is in third-person. I think some changes can turn it into this:
Too many prepositional phrases. Makes the sentence too wordy. Maybe something like, Eh...I think that is still probably too many preposition phrases...
Did you mention earlier in the store the barron lands and the charred dinosaur. Unless you are writing the travels from A to B to C then "The man was running towards the base of the cone-shaped mountain" is fine. Do not write the book like you are watching a movie where it may show the barren lands and charred dinosaur. This is a big problem I had and how I see people write this day in age.
Did you mention earlier in the store the barron lands and the charred dinosaur. Unless you are writing the travels from A to B to C then "The man was running towards the base of the cone-shaped mountain" is fine. Do not write the book like you are watching a movie where it may show the barren lands and charred dinosaur. This is a big problem I had and how I see people write this day in age.
Okay, this sentence is too long, as Cogito said. You need to re-work it. First of all, what is the base of this sentence. I think its: See? This right here has a nice rythm and flow. So you add in all these details that muddle up an action scene. Now, if you were describing a scene, and there was no action, this wouldn't be so bad. But you wan't your action scenes to be quick short sentences so the action comes fast and hard like this: Something like that. Minimal description, maximum action. Now if I wrote a setting: Like that, get all descripty and such. Anyways, it either needs to be shortened, or split into two sentences, in my opinion. Hope this helps. Cheers. ~ J. J.
don't try to cram so much info into one poor sentence... jj's suggestion for simplification was a good one... to take it a bit further, here's one way you can get all that info to the reader without confusing them with such an incoherent single sentence: hope this helps... love and hugs, maia