1. aryan.hosseinzadeh@gmail.
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    aryan.hosseinzadeh@gmail. New Member

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    How to use "Rank" in a sentence and how to shorten this sentence

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by aryan.hosseinzadeh@gmail., Jun 24, 2013.

    Hello everyone ,

    I have a long starting sentence in my cover letter , I don't know exactly how to change it to make it sound good and to keep it short , I'd be happy if you could help :

    "In the first phase of my academic life, after being ranked 44th among 500 thousands of participants in the university entrance exam and entering the best technology university of COUNTRY, at UNIVERITY, I learned various computer science/engineering skills ranging from Algorithms Analysis & Design, Data Structures, Advanced Programming (Java) and Software Engineering to Artificial Intelligence, Information Retrieval Techniques, Operating Systems, Computer Networks and Database Systems."

    Thanks
     
  2. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    half a million people sat an entrance exam? WOW!

    What is your cover letter for? A CV/resume? A query letter for a book you've written on your chosen subject(s)?

    You've listed some of the subjects you've participated in. Are these courses finished? Where did you rank or what grades did you get? Saying you sat this course and that course doesn't tell anyone anything, you may have been fast asleep every class and got booted out. I think you're better off listing actual achievements.
     
  3. psychotick
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    psychotick Contributing Member Contributor

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    Hi,

    I agree, 44th out of 500,000 is amazing. Congrats.

    "In the first phase of my academic life, after being ranked 44th among 500 thousands of participants in the university entrance exam and entering the best technology university of COUNTRY, at UNIVERITY, I learned various computer science/engineering skills ranging from Algorithms Analysis & Design, Data Structures, Advanced Programming (Java) and Software Engineering to Artificial Intelligence, Information Retrieval Techniques, Operating Systems, Computer Networks and Database Systems."

    I'd rewrite this as follows:

    "After being ranked 44th out of half a million participants in the University Entrance Exams I was accepted to ??? University. ??? University is considered the finest university in the country for technology education. There I studied various computer science/engineering skills ranging from Algorithms Analysis & Design, Data Structures, Advanced Programming (Java) and Software Engineering to Artificial Intelligence, Information Retrieval Techniques, Operating Systems, Computer Networks and Database Systems."

    Hope that helps, Greg.
     
  4. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    unless this cover letter is meant to accompany the submission of a non-fiction article dealing with areas of expertise you have studied, i don't see any of that info as being relevant, thus would strongly advise leaving it out...
     
  5. aryan.hosseinzadeh@gmail.
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    aryan.hosseinzadeh@gmail. New Member

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    Hi everyone for your helps and advice ,

    Actually in Iran unlike many other countries , there's an one Entry Exam for all Universities, so one will be ranked and based on the rank he/she can choose the university and the hirs/her desired field,

    And this letter is a cover letter for my job application

    (Special thanks to psychotick)

    Thanks again
     
  6. Justin Rocket 2
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    Justin Rocket 2 Contributing Member

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    I think you want something like the following..

    "I was ranked 44th among 500 thousand participants in the Iranian University Entrance Exam and was selected to attend <University>, the highest ranked technical University in the country. Skills I learned here include Algorithms Analysis & Design, Data Structures, Advanced Programming (Java), Artificial Intelligence, Information Retrieval Techniques, Operating Systems Architecture, Computer Networks and Database Systems."
     
  7. mbinks89
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    mbinks89 Active Member

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    Well, that sounds like a ridiculously stressful entrance exam. Congratulations.
     
  8. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    here's how i'd suggest rewording that too-long sentence...

    i help many job applicants with their resumes and feel that would best follow CV style, presenting your info in the most professional way...

    congratulations on making the cut so impressively and completing your uni courses... good luck on getting the job...

    love and hugs, maia
     

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