1. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    How would you change this story to make it less cliche?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Link the Writer, Aug 17, 2010.

    I'm not really asking for help, I'm just wondering how you'd change this story I had in my head since 2003. It was called The Mighty Ninja C. It was a complete rip off of an old Japanese anime show called Dragon Ball Z. The basic premises was the same, really. A bunch of superhumanly powerful people save the world constantly from the monsters. The main characters of The Mighty Ninja C were Mohawk, Mojack (Brother of Mohawk), Davie (Mohawk’s son), Ishim, and Isadore. Back when I was fourteen, I had a kick out of thinking about this peice of crap.

    It had so many clichés, you wouldn’t even be able to imagine it. Let me list out some for you.

    1) Set in the modern world, so they have to hide their Ninja identities.
    2) Blind ninja? You got it! That was Davie.
    3) Ninja out to avenge a murdered father? That was Isadore.
    4) Abusive ninja master? (That was Ishim’s master.)
    5) Some supernatural power? That’s how I explained the possibility of Davie to fight with his dad.
    6) Katana in a cane? Davie had it. The black top that acts as a handle was also the sword handle.
    7) Ninja in a high school? Davie was a fifteen-year-old sophomore with a crush on a girl.
    8) Ninja kicks a bully’s arse? Davie again! This is what exposes himself as a ninja to the world.

    That’s all I can think up of now, but I can assure you that this probably had many other clichés about ninjas as well.

    While I'm not that wild by redoing it, I'm just wondering what your advice would be should I start it again? What should I keep, change, or remove completely?

    My ideas:
    #1- The names must be changed.
    #2- Remove the vengeful ninja and the whole secret identity.
    #3- The title, for the love of god. The title!
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    I'd read through whatever I had written of it, and decide whetyer it was a good enough start to finish and revise, start over from scratch, or simply shelf it.

    I would decide based on the writing, not the summary.
     
  3. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    I am not into Ninja things but maybe keep the secret identity or move it to a different planet/made up country. Grow them up a bit maybe Davie could be a Stockbroker?

    Maybe someone else could help but the help I got asking about fantasy cliches on here from just my story outline was very helpful.
     
  4. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Um...about that....

    I kinda lost what I had written all those years ago. :/

    @ Elga, I wouldn't mind hearing the tips about the fantasy cliches. :)
     
  5. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    LOL you inspired me to post again about my second novel.

    Basically I took out the prophecies and a couple of other elements to my story. And whilst it wasn't easy I have ended up with a story that is a 1000 times better. My most difficult was the how to get the seventeen year old girl that marrying her numbskull boyfriend is a good idea, a prophecy had been the lazy way of doing that.

    I did however leave my gay character in and he has grown into the best character I have ever written:)


    EDIT: the least cliched Ninja representation I have ever seen is Pom Poko (its a Ghibli film) maybe good for inspiration
     
  6. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    *Opens up folder of sketches*

    I think I'll draw Davie in a new ninja outfit.

    After all, ninjas are just a kind of assassins, right? I don't have to stick to the cliches. Think outside the box, I must. =)
     
  7. Bad_Valentine
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    Bad_Valentine Member

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    I don't think the subject is cliche ... it sounds like almost every story ever told. Someone's always saving people from somethin'. ;) I also think the title is actually really interesting. That's the reason I'm reading this thread. :) Maybe go with it? Maybe write something really campy and funny about super ninjas.

    If you wanted to write a serious novel, then yeah definitely overhaul the whole thing I would say. Scrap the whole ninja concept ... maybe make a group of "heroes" of some type, and make one a ninja (to appease your ninja cravings)? :redface: But definitely keep the vengeful character/hero and the secret identity character in. That makes it interesting and leaves lots of possibilities. Even with a serious novel, I still love the title "The Mighty Ninja C" and think it would work. Its a funny title. :) Did you make it up on your own?
     
  8. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Yep. I was watching "Dragon Ball Z" one day and thought "Wouldn't it be cool if they had a show like this about ninjas?" Then at once, a ninja flying across the sky appeared in my head. Then another...then another and then Davie, the son of the leading ninja.

    And The Mighty Ninja C was born. Born to be campy and hilarious at the same time. XD It's not intended to be a serious thing at all. Although, I should take great care to not have my characters one-deminsional though, especially Davie's crush/love interest. (A way I could combat this is to simply switch them around. Maybe Davie's a girl instead (Helen, maybe?) and she has a crush on a male.)

    btw, what's your definition of a campy novel?
     
  9. Bad_Valentine
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    Bad_Valentine Member

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    I don't think I've even ever read a campy novel. Or maybe I did, but I'm not smart enough to detect that it was camp? ;) I can't think of any, but I'm sure tons exist.

    I could see this novel being campy because it would be very silly subject matter (group of super ninjas) but still ultimately telling an interesting story. I am just SO amused by the concept of "Davie, the lead ninja". I want to read more. Maybe I've had too much coffee this morning but I just think that's hilarious. :D
     
  10. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    try typing Mein Strudel into Youtube:) but warning it is very camp:)
     
  11. Link the Writer
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    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Cool.

    Um, a campy, silly story can still have some semblence of a plot and character development, right? I'm just worried that I could be writing another Twilight or something. :/ I'm paranoid, I know.

    What's the format for a campy story? How many words?

    EDIT: I just remembered a book I read a long time ago about a boy who's butt ran away and he had to go get it back. Is that an example of a campy story?
     

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