I can't write female characters. Need help from females

And what's 'average', what's an 'average pregnancy'? We've put together some characteristics of what usually happens during a pregnancy and then we call it 'average', but when we really go into that person's head, things will be unique, she will experience her pregnancy in her way, and no one who's experienced their own pregnancy can come and say "that would never happen!" So I think to make her interesting, there's no need to jump through hoops of fire. Especially since you already have at least one potential conflict going on there, as jazzabel pointed out:

You can draw suspense from those visits, as well as the relationship you mentioned.

 

It's interesting that while the title of the thread begins, "I can't write female characters", the only questions and the thrust of the answers have been about the pregnancy. But if the presentation of your character is solely about the pregnancy, she won't be a very deep character. Most of the variables in a pregnancy flow from other factors - physical factors will influence possible complications, hormones will affect emotional responses, and the nature of the expectant mother and her view of life will affect how she feels about being pregnant in the first place.

I think this is particularly good advice, not because I think anything you learn here will be wrong, per se, but more because it is too "safe" a way to receive this information, and far too compartmentalized. You need not only to hear the recollections, but to experience the emotion with which they are related. Don't just ask them what happened, ask how it felt, how it fit in the rest of their lives. Then you may gain some insight into the other aspects of female characters that may be missing.

Best of luck with it.

 

Of course you are. You're getting too hung up on the label I've used here, I think. I would substitute the word 'female' for a 'woman' just as quick as I would say 'male' in reference to a 'man' character...I'm not trying offend feminists and, if I did, it would be entirely unintentional.

The pregnancy just happens to be part of the story. I want her to be as real as possible, in as much detail as I can imagine her. If that means she has what could be considered 'normal' traits, then so be it. For me it adds to the realism and doesn't make her uninteresting. I've imagined her to be in her late 20's, in a stable relationship and a steady job. The job is an evidently demanding one, and I'm curious to explore how that would pan out in conjunction with her pregnancy. The story essentially revolves around a single day in her job, alternating between two drastically different 1st person POVs, and the details of her pregnancy, her personality, will all intertwine seamlessly, I hope, with the narrative of the day.

Thanks, and thanks to all else who've offered advice. You've helped a lot

 

Then you must decide how far along she is and if the pregnancy is complication free. Morning sickness, if she gets it, starts between weeks 5 & 7 typically and docs try to make you feel better by saying it should ease up between weeks 12-16 (there are less common occurrences of it lasting all 40 weeks like with my first). If she's sick, how severe? Just nausea or is she vomiting multiple times a day? Has she needed hospitalization for dehydration or pregnancy induced hypertention? All of that will factor into her job performance and overall abilities.

Are there complications or concerns with the pregnancy that weigh on her mind, distracting her when she needs to be focused? Or are there complications or a history of them in her family where she's detached in case a mid-late term termination is a serious medical option? That will bring up her right to life views, if she's religious, her cultural upbringing, etc.

You can factor in little late term factoids that no one talks about, like how you have to adjust the steering wheel after a certain point because the belly is in the way. The underboob/top of belly crease when sitting that sweats like a you've never thought possible, no matter how cold it is. Or how turning to the side to maneuver through narrow aisles and areas now makes things worse, lol. Swollen feet need bigger shoes. Caffeine is frowned upon even when exhausted and you're craving that double shot café con leche or gigantic 7-11 soda. There's heartburn. Baby playing the bongos on your bladder every ten minutes with no bathroom in sight. Being physically fit during pregnancy doesn’t help with body image issues, if there are any. Without pregnancy being the central focus, there are still a million ways it makes itself known in the daily life of your character that she will have a chance to react to.

 

Aliens or robots calling humans male or female makes sense. Although we are part of the animal species with complex intelligence, we made up our own gender name roles to feel comfortable about it. So if your character is a human woman, call her a woman.

 

I'm coming late to this discussion, and you may not even need the input now. I've been pregnant three times, but there's really no way to describe it if you haven't actually done it. Rather than read books or watch movies (which may probably only help indirectly), it might be better to try and imagine it.

There are lots of things that go on in the beginning (morning sickness, mood swings, etc.), but since you're talking about a character that is 7 months or more, try to think of it like this:

You're a healthy, active person who is generally cheerful with lots of energy. You are not inclined to complain, but suddenly you find that you are 40, 50 (or even 60) pounds heavier than you were just a few months ago. Rather than the weight coming in all over it is mostly concentrated in the middle, so when you walk it feels like you are carrying a lead basketball in front (or one of those medicine balls at the gym?) Since the weight is focused in front it throws your center of gravity off, so if you try to pick something up or lean over the tub to wash your hair, you almost always pitch forward. It gets harder to breathe and because your joints are getting looser you get clumsy--- dropping things, tripping, and bumping into walls.

Everything swells and gets bigger, so you get much slower. It's tough to go up stairs because of the extra weigh in front, so you have to hold your stomach up to lift your knees and clear the steps--still tripping sometimes because you didn't pick your feet up high enough. Later on the baby drops, so there's continual pressure on the floor of your abdomen. You're having to pee all the time so you learn where the (clean) bathrooms are in town, and since there's a sack of bricks in your abdomen you get lower back pain, too. If you stand a lot in your job you also get problems with aching feet.

You may be level-headed and strong and the type who carries on regardless, but you are still legitimately handicapped. If it's a summer without air-conditioning you are hot, sweaty, and tired (not to mention fatter all the time), and you're thoroughly convinced by the end that you will never, ever be normal again (meaning graceful, attractive, skinny, sexy, or able to sleep the whole night through).

Individual temperament dictates a lot of things, and some pregnancies are easier than others. But no matter how self-possessed your character is, she will still have moments when she has just plain had it. You can be a trooper through and through (and believe me, most women are), but limitations are limitations and a bowling ball in a stomach can put anyone in a bad mood.

 

It might help to watch chick flicks and read chick lit. Debbie Macomber writes a lot of books about female friendships. I found that the work of authors like Tom Clancy and Clive Cussler helped me understand what appeals to men (I barely made it through Red October!).

 

Not the best choices. Clancy appeals to a very specific group and so does Cussler. Cussler's heroes are almost parodies.

Try Bernard Cornwell. He does historicals, but his characterisation and approach to male thinking is very clear. For a more modern and way out version, try Larry Correia's "Monster Hunter" books. Both are very male, not macho. And their books are easier reads too

 

Thanks for the suggestions. I will check them out.

 

This does seem rather exaggerated, and possibly a distortion of the facts. I mean, simply put, how difficult can it be to mope about the house and eat for two? I have certainly done the very same thing my entire life without a word of sympathy from any of my female associates. We can, I believe, think of pregnancy as a woman's joyful blessing from her man, a man, this everyman who must struggle to maintain his own personal and professional dignity throughout her pregnancy despite the extra burden placed upon him having a swollen woman at his side, who I must remind you, he has to look after, talk to, be nice to and stay with all the time, it's not as if he can leave her for a prettier woman. No. I was responsible for both of my wife's pregnancies, the memories of each birthing scene bring me nothing but enormous satisfaction and pride in my performance. As for writing as a woman I believe it is most usual to remove male concepts of strategy or philosophy, planning and concentrate on the emotional elements of character - weeping and cleaning, writing little poems and such is all most fulfilling for a woman.

 

I think that parody pieces are supposed to be in the Review Room.

 

I have to agree with this. Clancy's characters are not very nuanced at all.

 

@matwoolf , making me laugh out loud, as usual...

 

The original question, I believe, had to do with how a woman in the latter stages of her pregnancy feels, especially physically. I don't think anyone who responded (including me) is saying that a man does not also 'suffer' along with his wife/girlfriend. The "facts" are not exaggerated, but if you've got a pregnancy experience of your own that you'd like to use to prove them false, then by all means let it rip.

Pregnancy is a joyful experience, but anyone who pretends that it is pain-free and comfortable throughout is either lying or a man. As to the inconvenience of having to be nice to your wife and the (unfortunate) problem of being unable to leave her for someone prettier----I'm not going to touch that with a ten foot pole. I assume (and hope) you're joking, but if not there's nothing further to say.

 

aikoaiko, I'm ninety-six percent sure he was joking.

 

Hi AikoAiko

I was being silly. Your descriptive post was really good and set my mind spinning. I should have spent more time on my post really - and made it really silly, just I had to post, show off, be a twit, all that.

Though I have written a story as a woman.

 

Okay, I'm sorry Matwoolf. I didn't mean to run off half-cocked either.

 

Why not watch Fargo? I think it was handled very well in that movie. My question, what's the purpose having the pregnant woman in the story? If it's for giggles...well then that's pretty hallow.

I try not to think about the gender when I'm developing a character. It's difficult but I think it gives me more freedom and flexibility.

 

You need help from mothers.

I might be infertile, can't get a proper diagnosis because I don't like larval humans, so don't care beyond having to deal with the symptoms that indicate the problem.

Sorry for pointing out how your insensitivity is annoying me. I'm wrong here, but you are just less wrong.

 

My wife had a different experience with each of her three pregnancies, but there are some universals you could pick up from a book like "What to Expect When You're Expecting," though I think there ought to be a follow-on book called "How to Not Freak Out When You Don't Get Exactly What the Book Told You to Expect."

In my opinion, the way forward is to write what you don't know and then go back to do specific research on whether what your character experiences is realistic. Otherwise, you get sucked into the black hole of research and nothing gets written.

By the way, I've written a couple of stories that started out in third person but ended up as first person narratives told from the point of view of a female character. I grew up without sisters, and my wife and daughters would tell you that I'm not particularly sensitive, but a reasonably observant writer of either sex can create well-rounded male or female characters.

 

I don't understand the no accountabilty thing. This is a society that says women are responsible for men's reactions. (If women dressed the wrong way, it's their fault if men lust.) If anything, women are held more accountable.

I'm not even going into the reason one.

 

Hey, a perfect example of a woman's inability to use reason.

 

Okay, that made me laugh.