1. Elgaisma

    Elgaisma Contributor Contributor

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    Eternal or Internal Organs

    Discussion in 'Setting Development' started by Elgaisma, Sep 13, 2010.

    I have a typo in my text lol and not sure if it is a happy accident or silly.

    The planet my story is set on functions as the organs of the universe. It takes the energy flow from around the universe, cleanses it, enriches it and pumps it back out round.

    However I called them eternal organs instead of internal organs in the brief description. Now I like it and get it but I wrote the story. Would you get it if I wrote it like this or similar.

    Litae is the creation planet. It was the Universal Father's nursery planet where all creatures came out of the treachorous sea. All universal energy flows from and to the planet which works as the eternal organs cleansing, and enriching the energy before pumping it back out round the universe.
     
  2. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Supporter Contributor

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    In that context, "eternal" doesn't look like a typo. "Internal" would have looked a bit weird, I think.
     
  3. Horizon Noise

    Horizon Noise New Member

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    EDIT: I've edited my reply because I didn't realise the bit in red was the excerpt, I thought it was part of your sig. In which case the phrase makes sense. However, the prose itself could do with a bit of editing.

    Originally I wrote:
    Depends entirely on the context. Whilst 'internal organs' wouldn't make sense in anything but the traditional meaning, 'eternal organs' might not be clear unless the context makes it so.
     
  4. John Cleeves

    John Cleeves New Member

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    In the context, it makes perfect sense.
     
  5. Elgaisma

    Elgaisma Contributor Contributor

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    oh good will leave it then lol sorry the prose I came up with on the spot with my 18 month old sitting on my head looking out the window:) It is easier than trying to copy and paste in that instance.

    I like the idea of my planet being the Universal Father's eternal organs lol works well
     
  6. Islander

    Islander Contributor Contributor

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    "Eternal" makes perfect sense in that context. You just need to put in some commas:
     
  7. Elgaisma

    Elgaisma Contributor Contributor

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    lol thanks I don't need to edit it now:)
     
  8. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    'the' before it confuses the issue/meaning... without it, 'eternal' can work... with it, only 'internal' makes any sense...

    and comma after 'cleansing' is improperly placed... the comma is needed after 'organs' since what follows is an explanatory clause...
     
  9. SilverWolf0101

    SilverWolf0101 Active Member

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    My first thought for it was, it didn't exactly fit ("the" threw me off a bit). But then I read it again and oddly enough, connected eternal with the "Father".

    Basically, my mind told me "eternal" was okay because it was connected to the "Father" an ever lasting being that never suffers from mortality. I'm probably wrong in doing so, but meh, I guess it gives a good reason for it to be eternal instead of internal.

    Besides, internal is something within an outter shell, I guess it could count in the fact that the planet is basically the liver of the universe, but it just doesn't make much sense to me. Eternal fits much much better in this case.

    But that's just my two cents.
     
  10. Elgaisma

    Elgaisma Contributor Contributor

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    Thank you I think that is conclusive lol it is one of those accidents that works better than it should.

    I think the Eternal Organs works better need to tweak the explanation for it somehow. Basically the Universal Father is the Universe it is a living breathing organism the planet function as heart, liver, kidneys etc
     
  11. Lothgar

    Lothgar New Member

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    Eternal: Lasts forever.

    Internal: Contained within.

    I think Eternal fits your application best, in my opinion.
     
  12. Elgaisma

    Elgaisma Contributor Contributor

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    Both actually work for my universe because it is kind of the innards of the Universal Father he encompasses the universe is the universe etc. I used to have this idea as a child that we were all kind of inside the belly of God it's where it comes from:)
     
  13. Melzaar the Almighty

    Melzaar the Almighty Contributor Contributor

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    I think it's a good image - it's always good to go with unexpected or unusual imagery - especially like there where it looks like wordplay.

    I wonder how much word play was just typos that were twisted into something awesome? :p
     
  14. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    i have to point out that we all began 'inside the belly' of 'god, the mother'... not 'god, the father'! ;-)
     
  15. Elgaisma

    Elgaisma Contributor Contributor

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    actually in my religion now it would be both :) they are one after all but as a child it was father and in my book it is Universal Father largely because i struggle writing women:)
     

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