We only have one life. I am the son of two idiots. I am ugly and people don’t like me. I envision a life that so many people have. As my time passes, though, it gets farther and farther away. I don’t know why I’m here. Girls aren’t interested in me. It sucks when I’m so interested in them. I’m not good at anything. I’m not happy to see people and when I am I feel stupid, smiling with my crooked face. People think I’m an *******, which I’ve never understood because I try so hard to be liked and to be different. My mind is wired different in some way. I am so consciously aware of how much I hate myself and how others feel around me, I shut myself down and just wait until I can be alone again. I am twenty-four-years old and while I know a lot of people share this in common with me, I’m a virgin and have never had a girlfriend. I am white, I think I am good-looking on most days, and am of a slender build. I have been seeing mental health professionals since I was sixteen, diagnosed with major depression, on-and-off antidepressants, and recently was told I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder (mostly the latter) and started on lamictal. Suicidal thoughts and wanting to die are a given and prevalent in my life on most days. For weeks at certain times, I was absolutely convinced I had Asperger’s syndrome or was mentally retarded and that just no one was telling me. My life is ridden with failure. I dropped out of high school but made up for it with a GED. I graduated from a community college with a transfer associate’s degree and am for the second time attending university with a grade point average of less than two. I have worked four minimum-wage fast food jobs and quit all of them for all sorts of reasons, like not liking the area or the people or was just wanting to do something different. I like Taylor Swift. I hate that I do and her type of music but I do. I am a sheep. Join a club. Be more active. Maybe I should follow this advice more. I like writing, like fiction, but I really only have this one idea that I’m obsessed with because I really like the characters that I’ve created because they’re people I feel I could really get along with even though they’re complete *******s, like me. I hate most people. I hate them because they don’t hate themselves as much as I hate myself and that there’s so much they should hate about themselves that they don’t. I don’t care if they secretly do because they don’t show it. Happiness always pisses me off because it’s always temporary. Sometimes I feel the universe created me just so that it can perceive itself because without me the world would just be a black void. I don’t have a purpose in life unless that purpose is to experience this hopelessness. There’s this girl, or hot math girl. I love her name. I love her body. If only she knew how I felt about her. I don’t know how I could be part of her life. I’m signing off.