I don't know what else to do but post this:

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ILaughAtTrailers, Mar 25, 2016.

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  1. Initiate Jenny

    Initiate Jenny New Member

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    ill second this. the virgin thing? really i wouldn't sweat it.
    if its truly bothering you its a pretty easy fix. prostitutes are everywhere, throw a rock and you'll probably hit one, do with her what you will (not meaning to objectify im a lady myself). but honestly its not that big of a deal lol , i wouldn't force it.
     
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  2. croak3r

    croak3r Member

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    Sounds like most of your issues come from you not having found a girlfriend yet. I was in a similar situation years ago, until one day i just said fuck it and asked the girl out and we dated for a while. It sounds too simple to be true, but you really just need to ask her out. If she says no then go find another girl and ask her and if she says no, then find another. Dont just set your sights on one girl.

    Maybe then you will realise there is more to life than relationships and fitting in.

    Also i found this channel quite helpful too, oddly. It's easier to talk to girls after you see how easy it is to do it and how little it mattes when they turn you down and you find another.


    Also if you hate your degree then dont do it. I love my degree, but it has made me want to quit sometimes and do something easier. If i was doing something that i wasnt passionate about then i would have left a long time ago.
    You should also join some clubs and take up a sport. It's the best way to meet new people and give yourself something to look foward too.
     
  3. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    That guy doesn't get to say "look at me" as an example. He's totally fuckable, even if he's not the most attractive person.
     
  4. KokoN

    KokoN Active Member

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    So glad that you're getting help!! I hope it goes well!

    Also since a couple people have said is whether jokingly or not (hard to tell), just saying, prostitution is never legal...so....yeah.... Also many if not most women in prostitution are doing it because they were sexually abused or raped, often in childhood, or because they are victims of sex trafficking. So it may seem like a victimless crime but often it is not. I know many will disagree with me about this, but I'm sorry, it's one of my soapboxes because I've seen documentaries and heard horrifying, heartbreaking stories so it's hard for me to stand by and watch people say prostitution is okay. Not trying to derail the thread though so I don't want to debate this further, just stating my opinion.
     
  5. Kinzvlle

    Kinzvlle At the bottom of a pit Contributor

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    Some places do allow legal prostitution and red light districts but as I believe he`s Amercian ya it`d be illegal. I`m with Koko that there`s moral reasons agnsit but regardless of that it probably isn`t the healthiest approach either. Both in the mentel sense that the seemingly easy fix could skew his viewpoint on future relations, and that having to pay for it probably won`t do much on the self-esteem. There`s also the risk of diese *ahem*. It`ll happen at some point don`t force it, and don`t risk it with a pro.
     
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  6. croak3r

    croak3r Member

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    Yea, i dont get why he acted like he wasnt good looking.
    I meant to post a different video where they make themselves look terrible and girls still want to talk to them, but i cant find it. This video may be more along the lines of what OP needs:
     
  7. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    I think it's less that ugly people get dates and more there aren't many ugly people. A good part of it is fitness, hygiene and stuff. But most faces have their own merit. If I look around at guys in my school, the vast majority of them are healthy and clean and thus you can see that they're all reasonably good looking at worst. Even slightly chubby guys can get dates because you can still be handsome and some people find them cuter because of that. Or more masculine if your older In the same way as the whole "adorkable" type with awkward nerds. (Like me.)
     
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  8. KokoN

    KokoN Active Member

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    I'm an American, it's not legal here in America to the best of my knowledge.
     
  9. GrandJury

    GrandJury Member

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    I believe Nevada has legal brothels no?
     
  10. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Australia has safe professional legal sex workers. They use protection and can be quite decently paid, especially if they're the kind that does the whole date routine beyond just sex. But there are non-licensed ones who sometimes work in semi-slavery under criminal gangs.
     
  11. ILaughAtTrailers

    ILaughAtTrailers Active Member

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    Can we stop the conversation about prostitution and move it more towards asking this girl out?
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2016
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  12. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    prostitution is legal in some parts of Nevada.

    Get a high quality expensive call girl. Everyone is a winner....
     
  13. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    Sorry. May I ask why you like the girl and how well you know each other?
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2016
  14. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Find your best attributes and play off those while minimizing your weaknesses.
     
  15. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Oh god, more of this guy not recognizing that he's attractive. And his Chinese (?) assistant is also reasonably attractive. This guy views the world through thick Hollywood lenses. Either that, or he's just trying to sell his techniques by undervaluing other factors in the successes, and to look modest.
     
  16. ILaughAtTrailers

    ILaughAtTrailers Active Member

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    I don't know anything about her except that she was the hottest one in the class that I think may could like me based off subtle tells and hints that I did not take advantage of at the time (because of lack of opportunity, she was with a friend always, and I couldn't meet her alone).

    Interesting fact: I just discovered she is in the same dorm-area as me and where you enter your suites from the outside like a motel and not from the inside like traditionally in dorms. I feel this gives the place a much more relaxed atmosphere and where we could meet instead outside instead of in the hall or something awkwardly like most people here would have to do if they were interested in a girl in the same dorm-area as them.

    I passed by her twice today (and I choked and chickened and she absolutely did not look at me). I don't know if this is a bad or good sign from her as I think she very-well could just be insecure/shy and not the "HEY HOW ARE YOU?"-type. Also, I don't think she is brave enough to just look at me and smile and so avoided eye-contact because of this.

    She is amazingly dressed always and hot but kind of has a resting-bitch-face so I think maybe guys are afraid to ask her out and she doesn't get hit on nearly as much as she should and could be insecure from this (like, why don't guys ask me out more?) which means me asking her out would give me a higher chance of success with her I would think.

    We have the same class in the morning (a big class) that we could walk together to or meet before and "accidentally" run into each other.

    These are my options. I don't even know if I'm good-looking or how she perceives me. I do have a way into a conversation, though, without it being totally random: "Hey, I know you from so-and-so last quarter, how did you do?" or "We're in the same class this quarter again blah blah blah."

    I don't know if passing by her multiple times without having said anything though will have an effect or if she is even looking at me as a potential mate. She is a freshman. I don't know if she is single (but she is always alone when I see her).

    I am way too overanalyzing this. The next time I see her I am just going to say, "Hey, it's [her name], right?" and see where it goes from there. I don't think I'll ask her out yet, though, since we'll probably be seeing each other often but I don't know. I think maybe the starting as friends approach would be best so as not to be overwhelming.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2016
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  17. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    It would be offensive to tell you what I would do. You're your own person. You should be yourself. I will say just two things that I think are fairly universal:

    One, the less experience you have, the harder it is to try to understand situations.
    Two, you shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes. That's how you gain experience. Go with your gut, but try not to give in to fear.
     
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  18. ILaughAtTrailers

    ILaughAtTrailers Active Member

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    I am absolutely terrified of being rejected by her. I feel it would confirm whether I was a creep, nerd, ugly, or stupid or not, which are all my worst fears of being but that I couldn't have any idea of knowing. Maybe though I am just another average, intelligent, good-looking white-guy like I secretly hope?

    "Don't give in to fear." You mean don't not ask her out?

    I just wish she would give me some hint like a smile or something. It feels like she's really trying hard not to look at me though.

    And please absolutely tell me anything that you would do in this situation. I won't be offended.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2016
  19. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Again, I think most people are reasonably attractive. As long as you're healthy, clean and wear a style well (whatever your suited style is) then you should look fine. You could post pics and I'll rate you on a "fuckable" scale, if that helps make you feel better.:D I suspect it's your issues messing with your confidence and social skills that is getting in your way. Deal with them.
     
  20. plothog

    plothog Contributor Contributor

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    It confirms nothing of the sort. She could be not looking to date at the moment, or be very firmly fixed on some other guy, or a lesbian, or a whole bunch of other reasons which have nothing to do with your boyfriend potential. You're building up rejection into this terrible doom scenario, whereby you'll be to nervous to ask her out.

    Also just because you've not found someone thus far, doesn't diminish your chances in the future. As they approach their thirties, many women (so some have told me anyway) switch from dating the exciting dynamic rebellious types, to looking for someone who will treat them well and provide a stable relationship. So despite an apparently decreasing pool of single ladies, some guys actually find things get easier.
     
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  21. plothog

    plothog Contributor Contributor

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    Also as others have said, joining some sort of club or activity could genuinely be a good way to go.
    An activity you can relax and enjoy.
    Some way of getting to know members of the opposite sex as real people rather than fantastical objects of desire would be healthy. Having crushes on girls based purely on their looks, when you know nothing about them, or if you have anything in common with them, is not an easy way to go if you're lacking confidence. (And by the sounds of it lacking social experience in general)
     
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  22. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Contributor

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    Can't you sit next to her in class? You could then start a conversation regarding some previous lesson or whatever subject that's relevant to both of you.

    Sorry to say but it's unlikely she's avoiding looking at you but still acknowledges your presence/knows you exist. :( It's possible but unlikely. I think the best thing you can do is strike up small talk with her. Maybe start to frequent the same bar/student parties? Or some other activity she, or other girls, participate in.

    With social anxiety or other hurdles that limit social interactions, meeting people irl can be really stressful, though. It may be easier to meet people online. Then there's Tinder but since I'm spoken for, I don't know how handy it is.

    Good luck! I know rejection sucks, but we've all been there or will be there, it's a part of life. It's better to try than to forever second-guess.
     
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  23. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    OK, look, if all you want to know is if you're attractive, just count how many strangers have come up to you, in the past, to tell you that you are attractive. Plenty of attractive girls are dating objectively unattractive guys. In fact, plenty of well dressed, assertive, in shape, attractive girls, with careers, are dating guys with literally none of those qualities. If high maintenance was in vogue, you'd see more huskies and German shepherds, and less pugs.
    How a girl looks at you is ultimately meaningless. A girl can avoid eye and verbal contact for a guy working in the same building for almost a year, and then suddenly start flirting with him incessantly.

    FYI, everything I said above, while all based on real life examples, is worthless information. The only information that should matter to you is this: act and learn.

    For example, if you and I were taking the same class, and I wanted to get something from you the first thing I'd do is go and talk to you. It's the quickest way to learn about you and the quickest way to start infiltrating your world. Now, I know almost nothing about you. Maybe you're actually very stupid. Maybe you're actually very smart. Maybe you have a fatal disease and are going to die in a year. I don't know. And once I do know, I will act accordingly. And then I will learn more, and once again, tailor my actions, and learn a little more, and so forth.

    Act and learn. It's a pretty simple, formula free concept that will help you deal with anyone, in almost any way, and every time you do it, the process gets easier, until it becomes second nature. Now, of course tools are going to make things easier for you and expand your possibilities. A tool can be anything; experience, brains, looks, testosterone, good smell, money, jokes, having similar interests, and we can spend the rest of our lives talking about what tools to develop and how to do it- that's on you and your own life's journey. Considering where you are right now in life, I'd say that for you, "act and learn," is particularly essential. You need to understand that the only rules that matter in life are the ones you decide to recognize, and the only way to do that is to experiment, and see what happens.

    Go up to the girl, say literally anything. Compliment, bitch, joke, ask her for help, whatever it is you want to do, see how she reacts, and respond accordingly. If you do this, you'll eventually come to understand that context maters. This is just a girl, not a potential employer or Miss Universe. You're not submitting an application to her, nor or you trying to score with the hottest chick you'll ever come across in a lifetime. You're learning- if there's natural chemistry, whether you need to create chemistry, if creating chemistry is even worth it, etc., etc. So you go up to her and you smile with good posture, and you say, in a nice, deep voice, that it sucks to go to class on a Friday, when it's so beautiful out, and she says, with a frown, I like this class, so then you say, (still smiling) well, what do you like about it, and she says, she honestly enjoys everything about math, and you, being an open minded, naturally curious person, get to see math from someone else's viewpoint, while simultaneously demonstrating your appreciation for her appreciation of math AND consequently, (but not intentionally, because everything you do is natural) making her submit herself to your approval, rather than you submitting to hers(triple win). Context is everything, maybe you just got to the door of the classroom, and you'll have to resume later, maybe you're both walking to lunch. Acting and learning is essential.

    Don't kid yourself. You're a 24 virgin whose shy around girls and worried about his looks (I say this fondly). The first couple of times you try it it's going to be rough. The good news is, many people, especially youngsters, are not social experts- they're more or less just like you. Most people will be too worried about their own faults to be looking at yours. And it's just an experiment, anyway. This girl is not the love of your life. She's just a girl. You're just checking her out. Maybe she's too intelligent, too stupid, or going to die in a year. You don't know. So just take it easy, go up to her, say literally whatever is on your mind, pay attention to her responses, and go from there. Remember, you're not trying to purposely please HER, but rather purposely please YOU. Expect it to be awkward, and expect it to get continually less awkward from there. If you're not trying to be her sister, don't act like her sister. Just keep it light, it's probably going to be a several minute encounter. The outcome doesn't matter, it's the journey. If she's with friends, you can still say hello, and smile, and approach her another time if you don't feel like dealing with them (that's up to you). But it's time to start being an acting and engaging participant of the sandbox that is life, and which belongs to you just as much as it belongs to anyone else.
     
  24. croak3r

    croak3r Member

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    Stop waiting for hints and for the perfect situation to talk and just go do it. Just introduce yourself while waiting for class or something and mention you noticed she lives in the same dorm as you. Thats the hard bit over and done with and then you can build upon it from there by perhaps arranging to walk to class together, or study.
    I hate to use the term, but dont get stuck in the friend-zone either. Get her to like you and then ask her out somewhere and make sure she knows you want to date. If you just bumble along waiting for the best opertunity then it will never arise (trust me i've seen it happen).

    You have also said you dont know anything about her, so i think you should stop being so intent on only going out with her. Your in college so girls are probably everywhere and most of them single.
     
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  25. GrandJury

    GrandJury Member

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    Okay, I played football (American) in my highschool from 9th to 12th grade, I would torture myself over dropping a pass. I'd replay the scene again and again in my bed, under my bedsheets, crying my eyes out. Think about it. Up until SENIOR year, I did this. Pretty dumb, huh?

    Well, it seems like you're doing the same thing. I don't know about the crying part, but you are definitely setting yourself up for failure. You have ask her knowing that you may very well get rejected, and that it really isn't that big of a deal if she does. Thinking that her rejection veritably makes you are an x,y, and/or z is as mistaken as... well, going into a game of football and convincing yourself that you will undoubtedly catch every pass that comes your way, and that if you don't, you are a terrible player with no talent. It's a big jump. You can't put an equal sign in these kinds of situations.

    I guess what I'm saying is: take the big road. Take a step back, view the situation as a third party. Once you detach yourself emotionally, things seem smaller and less important, and you begin to think much more rationally. She accepts you, great, she doesn't, oh well. World keeps on turning.

    Ask her out! Why not? :D:agreed:
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2016
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