I Don't Like Bacon

I know how to waltz, but I can't sing, (except off key in the car when there's no one around to hear).

 

Having worked for years as a projectionist, a trip to the cinema is like a busman's holiday.

 

I was once able to convince a mate of mine that Murder on the Orient Express was a brilliant, post-modernist art house film.

 

I have a massive choking fear. I can't:

- swallow pills.
- eat alone, except noodles and other things that can't choke me.
- eat when I'm drunk. My anxiety acts up, and I'm afraid I'm going to choke on everything.
- eat hard candies, except suckers and other candies I can hold.
- eat quickly. I'm always the last person at the dinner table.
- take big bites. When my fear first started, my doctor sent me to have a swallow study done to make sure it wasn't a medical condition. The lady kept getting mad at me because I took multiple bites of small things.

And my fear doesn't stop with me! I freak out when OTHER people:

- laugh or cough with food in their mouth.
- take too big of bites.
- choke. If they start coughing because something went down the wrong pipe, I will literally have to leave the room because I feel like I'm having a heart attack.

It's super embarrassing...


Edited to add: I, also, don't like bacon.

 

People who don't like bacon are porkists. I expect them to be lambasted (giggle) by John Oliver.

 

I can't stand it when people touch their eyeballs. You're putting your fingers into a squishy orb....EEURRGH!!! It makes me shudder...

 

What - do you mean when they're putting in contact lenses?

I can't stand when kids pick their noses and eat it.

 

That's a very sad affliction, Lea, but you're certainly not alone with it. My husband suffers from this to an extent ...to the extent that he struggles to sit in a dentist chair, for fear he will choke on the water they use to cool the drill. He also takes tiny bites of everything. One of my best friends can't swallow pills, even tiny ones, and has to crush them with spoons and then mix them into water or coffee. So I think it's a fairly common fear. And fear of choking isn't irrational either, although it can be taken to extremes. I hope you are able to eventually get help for this, because it's bound to impact on your life and your social life. If you can't relax enough to enjoy eating, then you're missing out on one of life's pleasures, aren't you? Good luck.

 

My maiden name originates from a racial slur directed at Russian door-to-door salesmen.

 

There are a lot of people in Hawaii believing that kangaroo means "I don't understand you."

I used to tell them that when Capt. Cook first landed in Australia his botanist Joseph Banks asked an aboriginal what the strange animal was called. The aborigine said "kangaroo." Banks went back to Cook and told him what he said. The aborigine went back to his elder and told him that he kept telling him I don't understand you.

 

Oh, definitely no dentist for me either. My ex boyfriend had to get his wisdom teeth cut out and was made to keep little cotton pads on the empty sockets at all times. I nearly died. lol I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out now, but I'm too afraid that I'll choke on the cotton. lol

I'm actually pretty okay with my fear now. It used to be much, much worse. It started in high school, and it was so bad, I couldn't eat solid food for a couple weeks. I couldn't take multiple drinks of anything at a time. You know how people just slurp-slurp-slurp from water or a soda? I'd have to take the drink away from my mouth, swallow, then take another drink, move it away from my mouth, swallow, etc. I didn't eat in public because I was so embarrassed of how long it took me to eat.

I'm used to my routines now. Yeah, there are some things I can't do (like eat alone), but I've adjusted. I know what I feel comfortable eating alone and I stock up on it. It was a major lifestyle change that I've accepted. lol Now my poor husband has to get used to it! I can't eat in a car or be touched while I'm eating. So when we're on vacation, we have to stop driving to get food.. And he's constantly rubbing my back while I eat, and I have to remind him not to touch me.

But for the most part, I'm okay! lmao

 

Bacon doesn't like me.

 

My eyelashes are so long they brush against the lens of my glasses.

 

I haven't ever asked the bacon (or the pig, moreover) if it likes me, but I can attest to liking it.

 

I am sure the pig would eat you given half the chance.

 

Pigs, like bears and humans, are omnivores.

 

I love bacon. Baconny bacon bacon bacon. Bacon tastes like bacon, which makes it the most baconny thing you can bacon bacon bacon.

 

I thought you liked nuts?

 

Nuts are good, too. Especially with bacon.

 

Like this: Spiced nuts with bacon?

 

Ham. I like ham.

 

I'm positively baffled. You like ham but not bacon...

 

I'm missing the point of this thread. Are we just talking about bacon and ham, or are we talking about general stuff we don't like?

 

I thought bacon and ham were general stuff?
Also, "bacon" and "don't like" should not be used in conjunction with each other.

 

You have to tell us something interesting about yourself. E.g. You don't like bacon. Or you like bacon. Or you nothing bacon.