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  1. Leaka
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    Leaka Creative Mettle

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    I don't think they care

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Leaka, Aug 29, 2008.

    I don't think my parents care about my writing.
    They always want me to get more in touch with them, so I share them my writing and then they tell me all this stuff. Stuff like, there is another book written on the same idea or why don't you read this book it has what you wrote in it.
    Either that or I give them some of my writing to ask them what they think, they never read it. They say they are busy, but on the weekend when they are watching television couldn't they spend an hour reading my story.
    I try to tell them this as well, but they don't listen. Either I am being rude if I tell them can't you a substitute a show for my story or I'm just given I've been busy.
    I have tried to hint at it directly, but they still don't get it. It's frustrating and I don't know what to do.
    I am at a lost.
     
  2. thirdwind
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    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    Don't worry too much about it. My parents really want me to do something in engineering, but I really want to become a novelist. After I graduate college, I'm hoping to publish something and get my career started. Hopefully, my parents will care about my writing then.

    Also, try talking to your parents again. Tell them this is VERY important to you. You could maybe bring up your writing at the dinner table or someplace where all of your family is together. Then ask them when they have time to read a piece of yours. Hopefully, that will get them to read at least some of your writing. Good luck.
     
  3. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Leaka, parents are a strange breed of people.
    they want their children to do well and fit in with their friends.
    if your parents don't know other writers then they will try and get you
    doing something more in line with what their friends and acquaintances do.
    this makes them more comfortable.
    So keep talking to them about your writing but don't close the door on them
    if they don't seem interested.
    If they didn't care they wouldn't try.
    They are listening with some part of their brain if they can mention books that
    discuss things you are writing about.
    I am Dom's mother and yet I hate the stories he writes. They are horror plain and simple. I hate horror stories but Dom still tells me the plots of his and I cringe as he explains them to me.
    But he does the same when I get him to critique my children's stories. He used to love them but he grew up and developed his own style.
    So keep writing but more importantly keep talking with your parents they may be very proud of your writing they just don't understand it all that well. and this may change with time.
     
  4. Scattercat
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    Scattercat Active Member

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    It's nice to have supportive parents, but it's not everything. If they don't care, well... then they don't care. You're not going to change their minds, and angsting about it will only make you miserable.

    When I was younger, my mother was immensely supportive of everything I did. My father, on the contrary, disapproved completely. (Of pretty much everything, actually. I used to have to sneak books into places if I wanted to read when I was visiting him. And they made me join sports teams. *shudder*)

    Anyway, my point is that I've had it both ways, and lived in both situations. It's good to have your parents' support, but the only person who really needs to care about your writing is you. If you have the drive and dedication to improve yourself constantly, then that's what you need to have to succeed. If they don't understand or don't seem to care, well, that's their loss.

    (By the way, I think that "don't understand" is probably a much more accurate description. Most parents care very deeply about their children, but personality conflicts and generational gaps can lead to some often very severe misunderstandings.)
     
  5. Acglaphotis
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    Acglaphotis Contributing Member

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    My parents did that to me, so I just stopped showing them what I wrote. Never gave it a second thought. I didn't find it to be a very big deal.
     
  6. inkslinger
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    inkslinger Contributing Member

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    Maybe just stop trying to share your writing with them?

    I don't share my writing with my mother, because I know she wouldn't understand. I mean, she'd probably humor me, but she wouldn't read any of my stories. She's just not interested in fiction, and so she obviously wouldn't be interested in mine. However, whenever I earn recognition for writing (usually an essay or research paper), she'll congratulate me. That's probably the most 'interest' she'll ever show for my writing, and I'm completely okay with that.

    My father was different. He was an avid reader and writer himself, and so we could talk about reading and writing together. I never did propose reading any of my stuff to him, but just the fact that we could talk about reading and writing was enough.

    Anyway, I think you should probably stop pushing them into showing interest in your writing. If they're not interested, they're just not interested. I don't know about you, but I'd rather someone be upfront with me about their lack of interest in my writing than to humor me and pretend they are. Maybe if you stop pushing the subject of reading your writing, their interest in your work will be piqued on their own. :)
     
  7. The Freshmaker
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    The Freshmaker <insert obscure pop culture reference> Contributor

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    No parents are perfect. If it really bothers you, have a conversation with them and tell them how much it really means to you. If it doesn't help, well...again, no parents are perfect.

    I don't think I've ever shown my parents anything I've written.
     
  8. Leaka
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    Leaka Creative Mettle

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    But they are so complicated.
    They always want to read what I write, but then they never read it or they end up giving me other books.
    You took this idea from this book honey.
    I just want them to be proud of what I do. They never seem proud in my writing, never.
    I am proud, but I want them to be proud.
     
  9. inkslinger
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    inkslinger Contributing Member

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    So you're saying they ask to read what you write, but then end up criticizing it or just not reading it at all?

    Well, maybe next time they 'ask' to read your writing, tell them how you feel. Tell them you don't appreciate it when they ask to read your stories and then tear them down with unfair criticism (such as, it's been done before, etc.), or they just don't read it at all. Make sure to get your point across. If they still don't understand, then just don't show them, even if they do ask again.

    Also, as far as them being proud goes, you can't make them be proud. That's the bottom line. If they're not really genuinely interested, you're going to have to accept it. Most parents don't understand the interests of their sons/daughters. All you can really do is accept their lack of interest, be proud of yourself (your opinion matters most), and go on with your writing. Who knows, maybe one day they actually will come to be proud. But, again, you can't make them be. What's most important is you're proud of yourself. :)
     
  10. Lemex
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    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    Feel lucky! My parents are the least supportive people in the world ... not to say closed minded.
    They only ever read a book if it is on Holiday, and then it is most often than not a pot-boiler or whatever their friends like.

    I sometimes think I was adopted... I share very little with the rest of my family, and lord only knows where my interest in writing comes from. They keep saying to me 'Why do you waste your time with this?' and things like 'Why did you write this? This is not normal.'

    I have stopped listening to them ... it makes me happy, and I am developing a skill. That's all that should matter.
     
  11. Shadow Dragon
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    Shadow Dragon Contributing Member Contributor

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    I agree with what inkslinger said. The next time they ask, tell them what you think of their criticism. If they can't read your stuff without being overly critical, then don't show it to them.
     
  12. Kratos
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    Kratos Contributing Member

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    I have something similar. My parents say they're supportive of my writing, but I've never actually showed them any of it yet.

    My mom criticizes me for spending too much time on the computer, and then when I mention writing, she asks why haven't I sent something in to be published yet?

    ....What does she think I've been doing on the computer? It's mainly WF and writing.

    But my parents are supportive, though.
     
  13. Jade
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    Jade Active Member

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    My mum encourages me to write, just can't be bothered to read any of it until I can get something published :p
     
  14. Nilfiry
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    Nilfiry Contributing Member

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    All I have to say is, if the parents shows no interest once or twice, then don't bother with them again.
     
  15. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    They may care that you are writing, but not wish to be put into the position of having to give an opinion on the writing. Part f it may be that they don't know enough about it to give knowledgeable responses, and part of may be that they don't want to have to choose between giving insicere praise or disappointing honest appraisal if they don't like it. If they never read it, they aren't faced with the possibility of that dilemns.

    For that reason, it's not a good idea to seek opinions from people too close to you in the first place.
     
  16. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    try to make your parents proud of you.
    BUT
    don't obsess over it.
    I speak from experience.
    I tried for 50 years to get praise from my father and mother.
    Never succeeded in anything.
    My father died 2 years ago and nothing my mother still alive talks
    a good talk but it is like a smile that doesn't reach the eyes.
    Once I sent home with her some of my stories and expected some
    comment. When I finally asked what she thought of them she said
    she couldn't find them. How do you lose something on an 8 hour trip in
    a small car?
    I gave up then as it isn't worth it.
    My health has suffered and my self esteem is so low it is non-existant.
    Live life do the things you love
    Love your parents but you don't have to like them.
    try to make them happy and proud but do it because you want to not
    because it is the expected thing.
    If writing makes you happy go for it.
    If running and jumping in mud puddles is your thing do it with style.
    Leaka you can always come here with your stories and we will read them
    and be happy for your attempts.
    They won't all be master works but then whose are.
    that really goes for everyone here on this forum.
    build on what you do and it will eventually be the thing you want it to be.
    just some advice from a mother of a writer and a writer in the making herself.
     
  17. tehuti88
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    tehuti88 Contributing Member

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    My family doesn't care about my writing. They even thought I wrote children's stories for some bizarre reason. (I don't. Not unless curse words and murder and cults and abuse and such count as children's writing.)

    It hurts but by now I'm so used to it, I'm embarrassed when anyone might show any interest in any of it. I can't write when they're standing near the computer. Fortunately, they don't want to read anything.

    They got greatly excited when my aunt got a book published, and bought it, but to my knowledge haven't read it. That's just how they are. Writing doesn't serve any use unless one is making money off it, which I'm not.

    By now I don't care that they don't want to read it. Just them encouraging me would be enough. I don't call their hobbies worthless so I don't see why mine should be, but apparently it is. People can make use of a beaded necklace or a walking stick (what they make as hobbies), but a written story? Useless.
     
  18. Charisma
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    Charisma Transposon Contributor

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    My parents are really not the ones to go for writing. My father has typically banned me from novel writing, while my mother hates me typing. She doesn't know what I'm doing, and doesn't want to, and that makes her crabby. So I'm not supported, to be honest. My sister is really helpful and listens to my stories, so she's an exception. But my parents aren't that helpful. You can talk politely to your parents about their take on your writing, or simply ignore it. Ignorance, even in this context, is a bliss eventually. :p
     
  19. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    that illustrates one of the reasons i tell all new writers to never show their work to friends, anyone they're related to, or sleeping with...

    don't let it bother you... if you want to write, just keep writing... and ask people who are knowledgeable about good writing to give you feedback that will be helpful, not disparaging...

    i'm a mom of 7, grandmom of 17 [at last count] and i mentor writers of all ages and breeds, so if you want a 'surrogate mom' to look at your work, drop me an email, any time...

    love and healing hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  20. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    Leaka, unfortunatly asking your parents for adive on your writing may not be the best thing to do. They may not have a clue, or might not want to read it at the end of the day. People on here are here because they want to be, don't expect everyone to be interested as your parents just might not want to read, they may prefer doing other things, or want to chillax watching the TV rather than thinking about your work. Explain to them you would like them to be more supportive perhaps, but don't pester them to review your work. This is what this site and many others like it are for, as people here want to do it.
     
  21. ciavyn
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    ciavyn Senior Member

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    I'm with Heather Louise - and I'm a good bit older than you, I'm guessing. I have a wonderful husband, who is a great support, but he has never read anything I've written. He doesn't get it, and there is a large part of me that is thankful. I certainly don't get his addiction to ESPN! :)

    Your writing is yours, and you get to choose what happens with it. Enjoy that, and don't be upset when they don't understand it. Just take it to those that do. And enjoy having this part of yourself that your parents don't need to understand - it is what becoming an adult and an individual is all about. You are different than them, your own person. Embrace it, and love them for what they are able to do for you.

    I had a wise relative once tell me: Accept that the relationships you can have with some people will be limited, and love them for what they are capable of. Isn't that what we ask others to do for us?

    Good luck, and don't let anything stop you from what you truly want.
     

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