i don't see why anyone in the us gov't would want to keep you from going to russia... sorry to say, i think what should happen next is for you to make an appointment with your mental health therapist, since 'pretty sane for the most part' doesn't seem to be sane enough, based on what i read in your post... as for getting help to write your story, good ghostwriters are very expensive... love and healing hugs, maia
