1. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    I Think It's Coming Back!! (Bad timing though)

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by psyence53, May 6, 2009.

    So, past my bedtime (i need rest dammit!) I, for some bizarre reason felt like my writing-muse was returning. Perhaps?

    I was thinking about my other ideas and made a list. It's shorter than it used to be, I've just shoved aside uneccessary "junk."

    What I was thinking was how I would painstakingly go through LOADS of paper in rewriting the same stuff in PLANNING my ideas. It was repetitive and got me nowhere. Or... perhaps a little further, but always looking back, unsure if I was in the right place. I never wrote anything more than extracts or prompted exercises because I was convinced I needed a WHOLE outline before I could start writing a first draft. My 3 short scripts are even too... spacey. I think they need more fleshing out.

    But - is it necessary? It would be interesting to hear other people's writing habits, because I'm wondering if perhaps I don't need an end in sight. I read something interesting about someone who couldn't finish their stories because they had never had anything big in their life solved. That's how I feel. But, as I have the ideas lurking in me, and the nagging voice telling me I want to write doesn't go away. >>> (Voice 1 - "Write. Write dammit." Voice 2 - "Whats the point? I have no ideas." Voice 1 - "Write!" Voice 3 - "Ohhhh I can't dooo iiiit!" Voice 1 - "WRITE DAMN IT! SO HELP YOU #*!$ing WRITE!" and so forth...)

    Would it be worth just starting something as I see it, just a first draft - as writing isn't live and can be rewritten. Then I can add to it or edit it or come back to it as life permits/doesn't permit/changes me/I change it... etc...?

    I can't figure out quite why this writing voice remains so prominant in my life. Usuall after HALF this many setbacks, reasons against, COMPLIMENTS EVEN, I give up and forget it. Or give up and wonder why. But this doesn't.

    I also have the problem of deciding which story to focus on. At this easly stage, can they all (or more than one at least) be worked on? Or would it be advisable to limit my sights to one at a time? (I'm a very indecisive person.)

    Let's face it, I'm 18, I'm not going to write the best book I'll ever write in the next couple of years, but I want to get into it. At least get a first draft done by my 21st haha. However naff it ends up. I can go back to it when I'm wiser. (Haha.) HELL - I'd like to complete a chapter of anything by the end of 2009.

    How does that sound? Am I getting carried away or are targets a good thing? (I work full time, and am struggling with THAT. Starting counselling soon too...)

    Sorry for the long post. I get pretty passionate about this... i bore my friend with my constant pining-for-writing.

    Oh.. here are my story ideas, in VERY BASIC WATERED DOWN FORM (not that there are many ingredients just yet!!) Because any feedback would be interesting. Would you maybe read it if you saw it in your library/know anyone who would/if I should just not bother :p Or if anyone wants to know more (ha.) I will glady tell more :redface:

    (If anyone actually reads this far and reads on, thank you sincerely. I have no one to talk to about this anymore... ^^;;)

    * "Butterflies & Black Holes" - An unromantic love story: A sceptical woman fears she is falling in love with her one and only (male) friend. It's not sexual, it's not self-indulgent, it just tears her mind apart. It's a special one to me, but very basic at the moment. Lots of random bits and pieces written, but no "proper" structure or plot!

    * "Disposable" - Originally my first short script: A half-English teenage boy loses his mother and is left with a struggling step-father who physically abuses the boy as his release. Growing up almost a recluse, the boy meets someone of his birth-father's heritage at college who never wanted to come to England at all. Their awkward friendship becomes the boy's only hope as he tries to stand up to his step-father, but still struggles to cope with his "meaningless" and "pathetic" existance. My current ending idea is somewhat different to my college script, but it went down well. To get this published would be like an apology to my college student for letting him down but thanking him for the support :)

    * "Kodomo" (Japanese for Child/Children) - Originally a short script: A teenage boy set apart from the mass youth society. His father beats his mother, and his younger sister annoys the c**p out of him. She's relentless. But it's quite psychological and delves into family extremes without being too biased I hope. There's incest, emotion, suicide, self-harm, abortion, violence, but it's deeper than that. Which is why I want to turn my screenplay into a novel.

    * Young woman/older teenage girl (Ellie), innocent, quite, old-fashioned beauty, has been sexually abused by her father for years. When her mother finds out, she blames Ellie, leading to hostility and awkwardness in the house. Ellie gets a full time job at a cafe to get away from them but her mother demands large sums of her wages. At this cafe, Ellie meets a long-time regular - depressed middle-aged author Ray. He's alone, losing his will to live and cannot write the novel he needs to write. A friendship of sorts begins to form between them, but Ellie's mother accuses Ellie of being a whore and eventually spreads more lies, causes more problems and things just get worse. The story explores the friendship of Ellie and Ray and the age gap. Again, undeveloped, but NAGGING!! Haha.

    * Previously a short script: A Short story exploring the dark depths of a troubled human mind. When a young woman stays late until it's dark and she's kicked out (of a cafe in college) she sees a weird stranger. She later hurts herself and he's there to help. As a true lone wanderer, she becomes intrigued by him, to the point of obsession, where she hurts herself more and more to see him. This was very visual and I would have loved to have made this into a weird short film. I was told my script was much like prose, so i'd like to see how a short story works of it.

    * Very vague idea: Mental instability versus hopes and dreams. I have the characters and their relationship but no plot for them just yet. Issues such as adolescent suicide, self-harm and identity.

    * Very vague: 2 Characters - Devon and Isis. I wrote this very short scene and was intrigued. i have no idea where it came from or anything, but I want to make something more of it. They're as clear to me as the people I work with!

    * Very VERY vague: I just have this urge to write something from one person's eyes (not necessarily 1st person though) of a close friend who snaps and takes on a homicidal side. Like, seeing someone you care about break down, seeing them crack under some invisible force then destroyed by the people who don't understand, but not knowing what to do. Again, the character (who cracks) has just in the last couple of hours formed inside my head but I want to take hold of him. I want to sit him down alone somewhere and talk to him, I want to hold him and feel him and see inside his head.... Weird.

    OKAY IM DONE :rolleyes: Just hope one of these gets me somewhere....
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    So I won't remark on your various story ideas. I recommend you don't put much stock into any comments you DO get, either, because the story premise is the rawest of starting points. It's like pointing out a quarried granite block and asking people what they would think of the statue you will scult from it.

    If it moves YOU, write it, and make it move your readers through the passion you pour into it..

    Most stories, apart from very short stories, won't be written in a single writing session, even te first draft. So don't wait until you have a couple uninterrupted hours before you start writing. If you have five minutes, lay down a few paragraphs.

    The hardest part is usually the first sentence of a writing session, so if you get past that, you've made significant progress.
     
  3. arron89
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    arron89 Banned

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    Be more ambitious! There are plenty of great authors who wrote amazing books (perhaps career bests) at our age (or within a few years either side). So just write something, write it ecstatically, write it hot!
     
  4. JGraham
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    JGraham Senior Member

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    Whatever you decide on writing just devote as much of yourself as you can. It takes tremendous discipline to write a story, and as long as you are satisfied that is all that matters.
     
  5. Atari
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    Atari Active Member

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    Maybe you are procrastinating even now.

    The fact is, you have to write whether you have it planned out or not. Planning some things out is good, but you should probably do it arbitrarily, that is; on a whim.
    "Oh, I have an idea, I should outline this."
    For the most part, though, just. . . write.
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    thinkers think
    jotters jot
    writers write!
     
  7. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    Thats actually pretty helpful Cogito. I can tell you though, I don't always heed what people say. I just like to hear opinions and things I may have missed myself. I have had past suggestions that I just can't accept because it doesn't feel right, and a couple that made me think, "Oh yeah!"

    But you do make very valid points... the quote too, cheers. Especially in regards to the sculpture .. that's possibly one of the most helpful things i've heard.

    :] Thanks arron89, that's true, and one inspiring author is Hitomi Kanehara. She is an award winning author and one of my favourite books (Snakes and Earrings) was written at around our age! She gives me hope, also because the plot doesn't seem much more than tongue piercing and a strange sort of affair, but the characters and intriguing and just, excellent. If she can do it, there's hope for the rest of us. Are you writing a book at the moment?

    JGraham, thanks, one thing i often think is lack of discipline. Freedom is nice but.... well. I need more self discipline... definitely. It's the only way anything gets done! Well sort of.

    Atari - I KNOW. And i'm doing it again by reading and replying! I agree. Most of what I have written, however good or bad, (albeit only scenes/part scenes/less than that) have only been written on a whim - a song, a feeling, an image, a prompt. Maybe that says something. I have done partial outlines but never been happy with it, so perhaps it would indeed be better to "just write."

    Mammamaia - I wish more satisfaction (and dream of money) could come from thinking, i'm a thinker really. BUT i'd rather be a writer. Haha, that's so true. One must just WRITE!!! (also love your Gandhi quote)

    I really appreciate the response here, I didn't expect anyone to read at all, seeing the length! It helps to know for "real" that i'm not alone. It's one thing thinking, oh so many people write, why can't I? But to interact and communicate with people who know the craft/hobby/identy/lifestyle is really supportive and that in itself makes me feel better about it.

    Although, even though people seem reluctant to comment on the stories, what about the characters? Or maybe I haven't said enough.

    MAYBE

    JUST MAYBE

    I should just write about them. :rolleyes::D
     
  8. arron89
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    arron89 Banned

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    Kazam!
     
  9. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Don't hate me, y'all, but why do I get the feeling that somewhere there is a bottle of Ritalin that is a little more full than it should be? :rolleyes:
     
  10. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    Funny you should say that Wreybies - i suffer from depression and my thoughts on this post (as any post, because usually i dont have the will) is that i'm just in one of my "false highs" and I know that when i'm back to the real me, the writing will be shunned to a dark corner while I get back to sitting comfortably on the edge.

    Denial. Overexcitement. But at the same time, complete despair. I know this will amount to nothing, I spend some time asking questions, RETHINKING ideas, but i'm kidding myself to think it's ever constructive. It just passes the time but I always say I hate false hope.

    I should thank you Wreybies you've just saved me several hours I would spent awake NOT writing when I could be sleeping and escaping for a short while. Sincerely.

    Lol Arron89 - So close... so nearly :/

    Just because you want something, doesn;t mean you can have it eh.
     
  11. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Don't sweat it, luv. I'm more than familiar with the effects of Ritalin.
     
  12. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    I've never taken the stuff nor do i intend to.
     
  13. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    I come from an older generation than you, pet. It was forced on me, and back then the doses were much more potent than what they give today. :(
     
  14. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Ooooh, the Stepford Wrey.
     
  15. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that Wreybies. Drugs shouldn't be forced on anyone, and I seem to be about to have drugs forced on ME against my will. Albeit small doses at first, so at least they've learnt A LITTLE.

    Sorry if i came across as a bit rude before, i'm never too sure >.<
     
  16. Okie
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    Okie Member

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    I praise the gods everyday that I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. And when they tried to cram zoloft down my throat, depression bloomed into anxiety disorder with strong suicidal tendencies. I was on that stuff for two months and nearly jumped off a tall one. When I came off it it was like wait, what? At this point the doctors have a variable grab bag of things they like to think are wrong with me, but I'm not taking anything for any of it. I figure if I can't get through the day without a pharm crutch, maybe I don't need to get through that day at all. So I live my life, best I can.

    And I write, now. For a long time I just sit there and stare, watching scenes in my head of things that could have been a story or ten. I'm rapidly closing in on forty, and just now realize that I can put it down in a tangible form, it stops following me to work and home. It's now safely locked in a drawer and can't hurt me anymore. For the first time in over 20 years, I can pay attention to something for more than two minutes at a time. Go me.

    And for the OP, I got a couple of words. Write it all, or write something entirely different. You sound a lot like me when I was 18. And I'm betting my left toe, you sit down and write just one of those, it's going to expand on you like a balloon. The only thing that's keeping you from writing without constraints, is you. Now go forth and be creative.
     
  17. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    Okie, your post was somehow very inspiring. I appreciate you sharing that, and do hope it's all behind you now.

    I just don't know what it's going to take to get anything done :/ Someone earlier told me everything is about choice. If only it were that simple, and if only there were only ONE "Me" to make decisions.

    I was thinking earlier, could I imagine a finished book? Could I picture it? All i could picture was the thickness - paperbacks. Not thin as magazines, not quite as thick as the LOTR individual books but... Hm. In the library today, I took extra time to scan the fiction shelves. I found one of my favourite books, and that's the sort of book i'd like to write. It's not long, it's not extravagantly fleshed out and it doesn't have a great ending, but it's a great refreshing read and sucessful too.... I should be motivated by this! :mad::confused::(

    All i'm doing is HOPING it will expand like a balloon, ahah but... that won't happen if i don't start pumping it up :/
     
  18. Okie
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    Okie Member

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    It starts with one... (Linkin Park)

    First, I don't think it matters how big it ends up. It is what it is. But you don't know what it is if you don't touch it. I'm sure you have ideas for each of those stories float in your head. So write one. Just one. put it away in your desk, or vault, or dig it into the earth under a tree. Tomorrow write another one. Just one scene of something. No pressure. Doesn't even need to be the same stuff, go nuts, all over the place, and before you know it, it flows and you can't stop it. Later, after a few weeks, dig up the stuff you buried and have a look. You might be surprised.

    And as far as the crazy stuff goes that shaped my life, yeah, the chaos is done with. I just float along now, caring less what other people might think of me, more about what I've become. And every day is a gift of precious insanity.
     
  19. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    Linkin Park are amazing.....

    I was only thinking today "little things build up" in a completely unrelated way but it works haha. I was readings some extracts last night and was suprised by a couple of them. i forgot i wrote them (would only have been end of last year I guess..) and quite pleased. I've already had some lovely comments from someone on another forum. It's so hard to do even a little bit anymore though..

    That's good not to care so much what other people think. I've been getting there myself. It's more about letting down/not letting down a certain couple of people, not making the same mistakes, and about what *I* think of myself. The past doesn't matter too much, it's all about the now. Good :)
     
  20. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    I've been rethinking my ideas. I've put several on hold because they just don't jump out at me at the moment. "Disposable" has a whole start-to-finish outline somewhere which is just waiting to be written, but my heart isn't in it at this place in time.

    Not that anyone cares but I think posting helps me organise my thoughts at the very least... I have whittled down my ideas, as having several is off-putting (choice overwhelms me and i'm incapable of making decisions!)

    I also feel my ideas are pretty.. naff. Immature. They don't meet my intentions. I want them to mean more, to be darker, truer...

    I'm now only going to be developing 3 ideas.

    1) "Butterflies & Black Holes"
    Exploration of unwanted human emotion and mentality. Exploring fragility, loneliness, social ideals, loss, choice and "friendship". Current germ of an idea being Lexi, a sceptical young woman fears she is developing that thing called "love" for her one and only friend, Connor.

    2) Working Title "Black-Eyed"
    Exploring the darker sides of human mind and behaviour, sexuality, release, family, friendship and "meaning" of life. Initial ideas: Alternative Harvey has been ignored or else criticised by his brink-of-separation parents, and has receded into his own strange identity and lifestyle. Amelia has never had a chance to find herself, having lost her father and feeling a need to support her grieving mother. Partly exploring Harvey and Amelia's developing friendship, Amelia's family become a refuge for Harvey, but Amelia gets drawn into Harvey's darkness and is eventually forced to take notice of her buried feelings. Exploring violence, loyalty and identity.

    3) Personal Reference Only "Precious Blemishes"
    Not such a prominant idea, but the characters mean a lot to me so I hope something comes of it. Young Ellie has been sexually abused by her father, but is blamed by her mother. She escapes to work full time at a cafe, where she develops an in-cafe friendship with regular customer Ray, a depressed and suicidal middle aged author. Exploring innocence, malice, ignorance and so-called morality.
     
  21. ManhattanMss
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    ManhattanMss Contributing Member

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    I'm sooo glad you posted this comment, Cogito. There's nothing more misleading to a fiction writer than empty support for (or discouragement from) pursuing a particular story "idea." (Unless, maybe, you're Dan Brown, and someone says, hey, here's a topical idea that'll rock the world. Why not write a novel about ... well, you know that story.) For my nickel, it's all in the writing, the drive to shape a particular fiction that speaks to a reader. and the imagination to make it unique and compelling.

    Advice worth taking seriously!

    BTW, Psyence, I share the experience of organizing my thoughts better when I post something, although it sometimes (even often) results in some excesses--not the least of which is inordinate time spent not writing my stories.
     
  22. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    Haha, yes. It all builds up.
    And i also hate empty support. I hate being told i can write well, when i've not written enough for these people to say so. Like when parents say childrens drawings are good. there should be a limit for that. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist. Plus i dont trust people. So it's a nice combo. I could try writing now but instead i post this lol.

    *sigh*

    Looks like i'm not meant to be a writer.
     
  23. ManhattanMss
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    ManhattanMss Contributing Member

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    Lesson #1 (see posted thread on the topic): Remove the thin veil of the passive voice by switching to active to see how accurately the sentiment fits: "I [don't?] mean to be a writer." Choices, choices.

    Welcome to the struggle and good luck!
     
  24. psyence53
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    psyence53 Senior Member

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    I won't go into it but there are too many contradictions inside me to be able to normally make choices. So I guess, while I cant say i DO mean to be a writer, nor can or should I say i CANT. That's something.

    Haha, struggle it is! Lesson 2? >_<

    Thats another thing, I suppose characters NEED a conscious goal or motivation? Something they know they want? Or can it just be something they need but don't know?
     
  25. BillyxRansom
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    BillyxRansom Active Member

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    In a word, yes.

    Because you're meant to write, damn you!

    Targets are the only way anything important ever got done by anyone in the history of the world.

    I've gotten this far, why the hell not.

    Work on it, you may have something for a particular audience. Me, personally? Not my cup o' joe. sorry.

    I'd venture a guess that this one is important. Don't let this one fall to the wayside.

    Interesting. Write it adequately enough, and this could be a really good work.

    It sounds quite undeveloped, but if it's nagging you, what choice do you HAVE, really?

    Hmm.

    Develop them, try them out. Like, actually audition them. What have you to lose?

    Don't let this go, sounds important to you. Nurture it, even.

    That's about all I got. Hope that helps!
     

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