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  1. danHQ
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    danHQ Member

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    Idea.

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by danHQ, Jan 2, 2007.

    Well i've had this idea and been developing it. I think it will be good. I've already started writing for it, and on the first chapter.

    Basically, it's about a fourteen year old who is mistreated by his parents. One night, he goes downstairs and finds his mother dead with a knife protruding from her chest, and his father gone. Previous to this, he hears them arguing. Being the smart kid he is, he realises that it must of been his father. He isn't sad about his mother's death because how he treated her, so he pulls the knife out. Realising that he's just incriminated himself, he runs to his parents room.

    His dad used to be a cop, and got a gun. The gun will just be a pistol, probably a desert eagle or magnum or something. The boy takes it, but as he is doing so, the police walk in on him. They say a man had tipped them off about a murder, the boy thinks that the man must have been his father. So the teenager decides to run, he threatens the police with the gun and knife.

    He gets out of the house and runs for it. Hiding out in different places with the police constantly following him. There is a sub-plot of the detective looking for him too, to make it longer. He eventually finds his father and he stays with him in a flat overnight. In the morning, he finds his father has gone, passport and all. But he left his laptop.

    The boy checks this laptop and finds flights to Colombia. The boy obviously can't fly without a passport so bribes a truckdriver to hide him in his truck, in a small compartment. The driver agrees.

    Simultaneausly, the detective catches the father flying to Colombia and figures the child will go their too.

    The child arives in Colombia and makes his way to the airport, the police greet him. He goes with the police, and sees his father jailed.

    The end.
     
  2. Tale
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    Tale New Member

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    Sounds very good, in my opinion. What inspired this idea I wonder?

    I like the idea of the detective sub plot, and the idea of him being chased by the police. However, when he touches the knife - thats obviously a crucial part to the whole story, will it just be a sheer oversight on his part? I mean, will he just go over and pull it out, then practically ruin everything for himself because he didnt realise?

    I dont know, I personally think that moment could be expanded upon, it is an important part after all. Maybe he could panic about the possibility of being framed, and attempt to hide/burn the body, and pull the knife out because its a hindrance, and then he could realise what he'd just done.

    I just dont, personally, think that such a crucial part should have occured simply because he made an offhanded mistake.



    OTHERWISE, I think the idea is awesome, nice job =).
     
  3. danHQ
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    danHQ Member

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    Inspired it? Torpy had the idea of a child after killing his parents, i kind of built on all my ideas i've had. I may post some pieces.

    Thanks for the input :D
     
  4. Spherical Time
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    Spherical Time Contributing Member

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    I don't know if it flows for me. If I were a cop, I don't think I'd allow the kid to leave my sight, even if he was threatening me with a gun. Usually, even if he was armed, they'd follow him. In fact, if he threatened them, they'd probably have a hundred cops looking for him.

    I may not be a cop, but I did used to work at a hotel. The cops would check around for both the father and the son, and they'd show the picture at nearby hotels, and they'd check credit cards. The father would never be able to actually take that flight to Columbia because the police would meet him at the airport.

    Oddly enough, if police investigations are anything like CSI and L&O, the police would probably be able to prove the kid didn't do it, even if he'd touched the knife.

    As a reader, what's in this story for me? From what you've written, I don't understand why I should identify with the abused boy.
     
  5. Fantasy of You
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    Fantasy of You Banned

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    I'm struggling to find motives in this. Why is the kid out to find his father in the first place? Why does he insist on finding him again, once he's left for a second time?

    Also, there's not much conflict in this. Where the suspense, and the woner? You need to introduce problems in them, have something else at stake. What happens if the cop doesn't get the kid? Are you going to flick to the cop for a while so he can slowly discover the truth, what? I can't see this working, it's too simple.

    - FoY
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    do you have any idea how long it would take to drive a truck to colombia from anywhere in the us?... and how many national borders would have to be crossed, with inspections of the truck and its contents?

    and how huge a bribe it would take to get a driver to risk his life smuggling a person into and out of all those countries?... not to mention the cost of feeding the kid for so many weeks?
     

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