1. Cornflower
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    Cornflower Member

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    Ideas for a leader

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Cornflower, Oct 12, 2015.

    I'm starting to write a new story. I'm having trouble with the profile

    Age: 25

    Descrpiton: flaming red hair, blue eyes Musclar
    Outspoken
    Reliable
    Encouraging
    Loyal-charater is loyal (based on 2nd dream)
    Trustworthy

    flaw?
    Hot-headed and impatient

    family? I believe she did at some point but for some reason-doesn't at this point
    Not sure what happened to them


    Why does she end up at abandoned church* with her followers?

    *the church has kind of a huge part in the story. I'm not exactly sure wether the genre Its Sci-Fic (I doubt it, expect for the hologram couch or something) or Fantasy. In the church has a round table. In the santcurary is a sword in the stone where one would expect the Altar to be. the leader is able to pull it from the stone.
     
  2. ADreamer
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    ADreamer Banned Sock-Puppet

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    What makes a leader?

    Some of the most famous leaders were not muscle bound meatheads but intellectuals - Martin Luther King Jr. Some of the most famous leaders were not clowns with a look-at-me complex but subtle speakers - Ghandi. Some were said to have been impatient & naïve - Julius Caesar. Who were simply brutal - Genghis Khan did, after all, murder his own relatives to get into a place of power. Or rather tyrannical - Hitler. And even insane / mentally unstable - Charles VI [he was known as Charles the Mad for a reason]

    The leader you just described is so cliché ... unless you're an exceptional writer... that it'll be boring with a capital B. The fact that you just pretty much described a female Arthur of Camelot - all you need is Merlin - supports the cliché.

    I suggest researching some leaders around the world to get an idea on what a leader is. All you did was quote traits from some self-instruction website entitled "what makes a good leader".


    Family - figure something out. Cause otherwise your leader is just someone that sprouted from the soil.

    Abandoned church - this is your story yes. It is not for us to write for you. The reason for getting in an abandoned church depends on what world [sci-fi or fantasy] you're making. The more important question is who are her followers, where did they come from, and why are they following her.

    You're building a story around the church - is this a short novella then? I mean you can only make them go out the doors and back in the doors so many times. Do they eat air? Where is the food? Water? Etc? Build the story around a town or a small village not just one building.


    And get rid of the alter, sword in stone, etc. Goodness have you never read about, watched the movies / TV shows about, or simply heard of King Arthur?
     
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  3. Cornflower
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    Cornflower Member

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    I can NOT get rid of the sword in the stone. Its IMPORTANT to the story.
     
  4. ADreamer
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    ADreamer Banned Sock-Puppet

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    Nothing - absolutely nothing - is so important in a story it can't be revised. And a sword in a stone - classic King Arthur and his persona has been used & abused - is so cliché that I doubt many people will even bother reading it. I mean a round table? A sword in a stone that only the leader can pull out? All you need is some cheesy wizard and you have Queen Arthuretta.
     
  5. Cornflower
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    Cornflower Member

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    I don't care. I'm not going to write a story .. unless I keep the sword in the stone.
     
  6. ADreamer
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    ADreamer Banned Sock-Puppet

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    Then why are you asking for options?

    I summarized your "leader" - which is terribly clichéd. And all you pick up on is yet an even more clichéd aspect of your story - the sword & the stone.
     
  7. Cornflower
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    Cornflower Member

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    You know nothing about my leader. For instance how about a sand storm picking up (leader and HER) followers and placing them in a desert?
     
  8. California Solo
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    California Solo New Member

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    Agree with some of the other replies here - you're dabbling dangerously in some VERY overused cliches. You'll need to have something very special about your leader and about the sword in the stone plot that's not exactly the same as what's already been done 100 times. I would advise really putting together your character, giving them backstory, family, motives and lots of other complex things, then putting that well-tailored character into an equally tailored world. Then that's when the creativity can really get going. There's my two cents. ;)
     
  9. Acanthophis
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    Acanthophis ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Contributor

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    Is the leader going to discover the Ten Commandments and venture forth into the promised land? Your idea there isn't exactly clichè, but the fact I instantly thought of the story of Moses is somewhat troubling. It seems like you are taking a bit too much inspiration from famous stories that have previously been told. Or maybe I'm wrong. It's your story to write, but if you come here seeking advice, prepare to find some.
     

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