1. Sang Hee
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    Sang Hee Contributing Member

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    If a girl has a crush on someone's dad...

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Sang Hee, May 14, 2011.

    I hope it's ok to ask about this...
    In my stories I deal with things that usually go very wrong among people in order to create a big drama. Now I'm in a part where a now teenage character has a friend whom I've noticed is quite eligible to have a crush on her dad or to explain simply the main character (girl) has a best friend (girl), that friend has a huge crush on the mc's dad.
    I'd like to ask if someone has ever experienced something like that from either side. How does this usually go? I know how it's supposed to end in a healthy society but what happens in the middle?
     
  2. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    "How does this usually go? I know how it's supposed to end in a healthy society but what happens in the middle?"

    I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Do you mean, in a healthy society this soon fizzles out with no harm done? In other words, nothing happens at all, really. If the friend gets annoyed with her friend's crush on her dad, they might stop being friends, which means the girl doesn't get invited around any more--end of story.

    What often happens though is that even if the dad is reasonably happy with his lot, being worshipped by a pretty teenage girl goes to his head--and if she hands herself over on a plate, he can't resist sampling the goods. Then you have the whole disaster scenario. Happened to a friend of mine--the girl was 14 going on about 18 if you judged by looks.
     
  3. Sang Hee
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    Sang Hee Contributing Member

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    Yes, I pretty much meant that in healthy society something like that is unacceptable. The girl has to get over her crush and start searching for someone of her own age, usually the targeted dad doesn't even know about it.

    What I want to know is rather the behavior of involved people in detail, especially if said dad gets to know about it.
     
  4. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    This discussion will remain open only as long as it does not stray into child molestation.

    In other words, infatuation is an acceptable discussion, but sex between a child and an adult is strictly off limits.

    Violating this restriction is grounds for a permanent ban.
     
  5. Sang Hee
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    Sang Hee Contributing Member

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    Ok, I guess I need to be even more specific here to avoid the whip of doom.
    First I want to know how a dad would react if he got to know... surprised, angry, pleased, etc. What would he probably say?
    Secondly, how a girl would get over that crush. Would she still confess to a dad? Would she even tell anyone else but him? What would she be thinking of during this process?

    Edit: I don't know why Cogito always jumps to the sex ideas... I didn't even mention any such thing.
     
  6. Anonym
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    Anonym Contributing Member

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    boobs....








    I think motivations would be the biggest factor in determining behavior. If the guy is happy with his life, well-adjusted and all that, I imagine it'd probably be flattering more than anything; and if she was persistent he might feel the need to sit her down and explain that she's too young, he's too old, it'll never happen, she's wasting her emotional energy when she could be finding someone worthwhile her own age, etc.

    Cogito's precluding a distinct potentiality, there's nothing wrong with that.
     
  7. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    How the dad reacted would depend totally on his character, and on how his life was going at that point in time. For example, it hit my friend's husband when he was approaching 40 and the business was doing badly--the timing couldn't have been more suitable for an explosive reaction.

    It would also depend on if the father realised her age (maybe at first he doesn't know she's his daughter's friend?), how old the girl was, and how mature she looked or acted. Some 13 year olds can easily pass for 16, and some 15 year olds look like grown women (or fashionable woman-as-waif) when you think of the models walking down the catwalks in Paris at the moment...

    The dad could be concerned that the girl was fixated on him and encourage her to have friends her own age; guilty, feeling perhaps he'd encouraged her in some way; horrified to feel attracted; smug and/or flattered; amazed; or all the other things we are not allowed to mention...
     
  8. Sang Hee
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    Sang Hee Contributing Member

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    Thanks guys, though it's not exactly what I was hoping for it still helps.
     
  9. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    He might think it's really awkward and ask his daughter to hang out in places besides their house, to keep the friend out of his prescence...

    Sorry to be vague, but it really depends on the person's dad's character.
     
  10. LordKyleOfEarth
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    LordKyleOfEarth Contributing Member Contributor

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    Freud would say the child who developed a crush on a father figure around age 14 has likely suffered from some form of trauma which interrupted the genital phase of psychosexual development. They have therefore regressed and are now re-living their oedipal/electra complex.

    If it is not her own father, Freud would argue, than her own father must not present as a strong father-figure role model, necessitating the need to find one elsewhere.
     
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  11. Nightshade
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    Nightshade Senior Member

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    It probably depends on whether you want the dad who she has a crush on to be the main element of support or if you want her to try to get through it with her friend. The dad probably wouldn't recirprocate unless he was kind of sick in that way. He'd probably be flattered but at the same time try to tell the girl that she's probably just confused because she's young and assure her that she should find someone her own age because she's a very 'sweet' girl but you know, not do anything that would encourage her behaviour. The daughter of the man and friend of the girl with the crush would probably laugh it off at first but then might also be a bit wary of said friend. She might even be jealous depending on how well she gets on with her dad because there's someone else who is getting some of his attention or what have you. I know it sounds silly but it does happen. There might be an element of rivalry between the pair, the person with the crush might start trying to be almost 'motherly' over her friend to prove that she's mature enough for the older man she's trying to be with. Ultimately this is the kind of thing which could strain if not break a friendship so it would have to be handled delicately if you want these two characters to stay friends throughout.
    I can kind of speak from experience because my step-mum is only two years older than my dad. I refused to go to their wedding when I heard they were getting married and told him that he should have just adopted her because it would have been faster, mature, I know. I also lived with them for a period of time and she had a habit of picking up on every mistake I made, like leaving crumbs on the side or not washing up the dishes the instant I'd finished eating, nagging me constantly to give her more money for the rent, she stole £300 from me that I'd saved for a flat deposit because she needed it for bills as she'd spent all her money on online bingo, and kept telling me to hurry and move out. If your girl with the crush is really serious about being with the man then things might get rather ugly. The male reaction to this kind of relationship is "Get in your dad!" and the female reaction is more like, "Wow, that's really messed up." so also keep this in mind if your characters seek advice from outside sources.
     
  12. Sang Hee
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    Sang Hee Contributing Member

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    I wonder if anybody ever asked their dad about this. Neither me or my girlfriend have dad so I can't really find out.
     

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