Once again, I'm not sure where to post this so I feel like 'entertainment' might be safe. Do you ever feel this way? Like you're 'last timing' yourself to death? When I was trying to quit smoking, every time was the last time and it took me forever to do it. The last drink (I promise, I promise, I promise ) is never the LAST drink. In a relationship, this is the last time I'll put up with his cruelty. But it never is. Bad habits - this is the last time. And it never is! Anyway, I'd like to know if I'm the only one who does this. And if you do and you understand, how do you handle it?
I say that every time I try to get back into the dating scene. It is a bloody waste of time when no one will talk to you (or even acknowledge you). But it is minor compared to be generally unwanted, and ugly. Simply easier to reject that which is real, when the artificial is prettier.
I can't imagine you ugly or unwanted. I've really enjoyed you here. Makes me feel bad that you think that about yourself.
I've told myself "this is the last time..." (or related sentiments) so many times that I've come to recognize that I never actually mean it. It's a sign of a real problem, but it's no way to actually deal with anything. Frustrating to have "insight", as a therapist would put it, to know that you've got a problem that you need to fix but also realizing that this knowledge won't actually help you fix it. If I ever figure out how to break this cycle I'll let you all know.
I'm going ten rounds with the same thing. I know I should stop but I am somehow ignoring the possible consequences. Maybe if I inundated myself with all the negative outcomes of my bad habit, I would be more motivated to quit. You mentioned somewhere else that you think bad habits are attached to ritualistic behavior. If I can just shift a few daily rituals, maybe it will become inconvenient and my life will just naturally cut it out.
Me too! And I ask myself WHY do I like those rituals so much. I know one thing. I like to relax once in awhile. I worry all the time it seems like.
Lots of evidence people who quit smoking try a few times before succeeding. Just keep trying. I quit a few times before quitting for good. If you can't leave an abusive relationship, get help before you get seriously hurt or worse. I have seen the results of 'or worse'. I had to hide once, had an apartment landlord that let me switch apartments to hide after the guy kicked the door in. That landlord was a good man. I hid long enough, by the time the ex found me, he was over it. That's not the ending for a lot of women. I had good times with that boyfriend, it wasn't easy to realize the bad outweighed the good. I've had friends who never overcame addictions I grew out of. I've never been addicted to heroin because fortunately for me, it made me too nauseated. Never liked the stuff. But I remember back in high school a good friend saying words I'll never forget, "heroin is sly stuff." You have no idea just how sly that stuff is. I ran into that same friend years later and he was addicted. He knew better, but it still happened. "There but for fortune go you or I, you or I." (Phil Ochs) If you've never struggled through, "this is the last time", you've led a sheltered life.
Cue. Routine. Reward. That's the skeleton of a habit. Once you figure out what the cue is, change the other two. People have habits because they fill a need. Just deciding to stop means that need is still lurking around; it's probably not going away. So, you replace the habit with a different habit that handles the need while not being so detrimental. Identify the triggers, too, and remove them.
Too right - I had a bit of a problem with cocaine (classic not crack thank the nonspecific deity) and alcohol when I was younger , I beat them both although alcohol is an ever present temptation especially when things aren't going so well ... it definitely took more than one "last time" before i gave them both the boot I'd definitely second the point about destructive relationships , I've not been there myself but I did help a friend with an ex who just couldn't get his head round "its over" - eventually me and him had a robust chat ... this was the moment I mentioned on another thread where I caught the odious whelk molester masturbating in her garden , which led to him going to hospital and me going to the police station, although they let me off when my friend explained the circumstances
