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  1. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    I'm disowning my Grandparents.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Bick, Jun 25, 2007.

    My mum called me a little bit back and was like "Angela I just forwarded the email your grandparents sent me, you have to read this. I FUMED when I read it. They are /horrible/.

    I will note when I post the email, they did not send it to me. I'm pretty sure they knew I would say something. Not ONLY did they show no sympathy for the passing of my grandmother, they insulted me, and made me look like some immature little kid.

    I don't know what to do with them anymore. It's like they are there when I need something but when I'm around them they treat me like that distant cousin you want nothing to do with because he is in some wierd cult or something. I so much want to call them and tell them what I think. It's just that they are both old and are not getting older.

    Anyways here is the letter.

    Dear Mark(dad), Donna(mum), and Virginia(sister),
    Just talked with Virginia who has arrived at LAX on the Van Shuttle trip from Santa Maria this morning. The NWA snafu certainly affected Virginia's timely return to St. Louis and her Dental Assisting job and her Summer School courses in her college.
    Talked with Mark and Virginia last night about making arrangements for Virginia to arrive in St. Louis today, Saturday, and not Sunday, June 24, connecting with the AA Flight 768 this afternoon @ 2:15 PM with an arrival time in STL @ 7:55 PM. This afternoon flight will enable Virginia to get a good nights rest and some relaxation with the possibility of studying on Sunday prior to work on Monday and her Biology classes Tuesday and Thursday evening.
    Glad that we could make the AA reservations and take care of the $360 fee for Virginia's sake. Understand with Grandma Roebuck's passing Donna and her brother, Victor, will inherit some thousands of dollars from the land in Lancaster; Grandma and I do welcome the later payback for Virginia's ticket for her last visit with Grandma Roebuck. (WTF AT THIS?!)Mom and I still wonder why Donna did not make the trip to see Grandma Roebuck for the last time. Virginia mentioned that Grandma Roebuck may have recognized her and Angela.(No she didn't. But what ever.) We have signed and mailed a nice card to Donna expressing our sympathy at the passing of Grandma Roebuck. (whoops, maybe there was, but one sentence... and the stuff before like deleted the realisticness of their sympathy.)Understand that Angela is getting along well with her cousins from Uncle John's side of the family; still Angela can't get along with Virginia; Angela certainly has some growing up and maturing in both a psychological and a personality wise scenario!!! (WTF. My sister was all freaking out and yelling at ME. So my first reaction is to yell back. She hits me and she walks away too fast for me to hit her back so I have to kick her.)
    Grandma and I look forward to making a May 2009 trip to St. Louis to attend Angela's Hazelwood East graduation. Maybe we will make the trip to attend Angela's Hazelwood East graduation when she is ONLY 25!! Can only pray that she pulls her head out and up and realizes she NEEDS the high school diploma to even qualify for "fast foods" employment; certainly Angela can read and write far better than the typical black student who graduates with a diploma from Hazelwood East. ( What can I even say to that? They called me a loser and made a racist comment about my school and friends ALL in one paragraph. My grandfather is a miracle worker.)
    (((The rest didn't matter, it was just recaps on what is going to be going on.)))
    Yours truly,
    Grandma and Papa

    Do any of you have family like that?

    They completely hate my mother, and talk about her in front of me. They are fake when they actually meet her family. They are racist, and they hate me because I date black guys, and I look and somewhat act like my mother.

    I just so much want to yell at them and tell them what I think. NO one I know has had the balls to do that. They are so old though, I just fear that them disowning /me/ would make them remember me badly. I'd also lose w/e they wanted me to have when they passed, rofl.
     
  2. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Bick,
    I won't have anything to do with most of my relatives. But it's not for actions or words against me so much as it is overall attitude, and yes, that includes bigotry. But I was sick to my stomach reading this.

    I'm not sure which is worse, that they wouldn't say it to your face, or that they would say it at all.

    To put it into an easier perspective (perhaps) they grew up in times of less tolerance, and are not motivated to change their thinking. And remember that whatever they say, it is not you it reflects on; it is they.
     
  3. Bick
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    Yeah. It makes them look like bad people, and maybe they really are. Though their way of thinking come from how they were raised. My grandmother was raised by a racist Japanese father and my grandfather in Jamestown Virginia.

    Blah, this letter just helped the ruining of a very good day. It's wierd, I was so angry... I cried. I have never heard of such a thing. They just happened to choose a wrong time to write this I suppose.
     
  4. adamant
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    adamant Contributing Member Contributor

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    Well, one can't really say that there is a 'good' time to write such a thing. While I am usually the first to think of some civil uprising in such a case, maybe it is best not to explode on them -- even though it would probably feel quite good to do so. You're not going to change what decades have built, so I believe you're better off just avoiding them as much as you can -- they're old and easy to outrun. Defend your mom though, regardless of how much you respect one another, you shouldn't have to put up with that.

    Signed,
    the Resident Black Guy that can read and write
     
  5. Bick
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    I think maybe I'm just never going to visit them ever again. I'm afraid they will try and come over though. My mum won't deny them that, though I might. I guess I'll just have to play by ear.
     
  6. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is a disease.
     
  7. Bick
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    Bick New Member

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    To bad there isn't a medicine to fix it.
     
  8. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    There is. It's called education.
     
  9. Bick
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    Too true. Though they are so stubborn I don't think even that could get through their thick skulls.
     
  10. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Education only is effective when people are recepyive to it. Some people cling to their ignorance as if it were treasure.
     
  11. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    It saddens me that ignorance seems to be a large part of modern society, when it should have been irradicated decades, centuries ago.
     
  12. wordwizard
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    wordwizard Contributing Member

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    wow. That is one crazy letter. Sorry you had to go read that when going through such difficult times(or at all-I should say)
    What is your mom doing about this letter? If my inlaws decided they were going to trash talk my daughter then they would hear what I had to say. I do understand that your mom is going through tough times though. Hopefully it will all be resolved and you won't have to deal with it. The choice is all up to you on the disowning part...but if it were me, I would be very very mad. I would probably confront because thats just me, and there would probably be a weak relationship after that. So many scenarios-good of you to think it through.
    (hope this made sense-I am a bit of a rambler.)
     
  13. Bick
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    It totally made sense. My problem is... my mother is super nice. She won't say anything rude to anyone. I on the other hand will if I think it's justified. At this time I think it is justified but I have an already weak relationship with them since they are disappointed with my schooling.

    As rude as this may sound to myself, I deserved some of that. The truth does hurt and I guess I just need to realize that. I just think they went a little far talking about the money my mother is getting from her mother's death. I also hate the fact they went into the racist thing. It had /nothing/ to do with it, they just like to piss my mum off.
     
  14. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    In my opinion, I wish they would piss her off enough to overcome the "nice" and have her lay into them!

    My mother can be damned insensitive. A few years ago she was proud of herself that she made my daughter cry, that she was able to scare her with a harsh word or two. She wasn't so proud after I told her off.
     
  15. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    If a child is not doing well with school, the answer is NOT shame! It is support and caring attention.

    Grrrrrrrr.
     
  16. adamant
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    adamant Contributing Member Contributor

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    I had a grandma that died recently... I really didn't like her much and it just made the whole thing seem weird.

    What would you even do if you were to confront them about this? I'm not all that sure it's worth it, nor is faking to try and inherit things from them. But perhaps you should if you must be around them -- tension in the air would make someone explode eventually, best to have a planned defuse. Eh... you should become distant from your family like I am... then you'd never have to deal with any of this.
     
  17. Bick
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    "If a child is not doing well with school, the answer is NOT shame! It is support and caring attention.

    Grrrrrrrr."

    Rofl, I couldn't ever see anyone in my family doing that. I normally get grounded or worse.

    "What would you even do if you were to confront them about this? I'm not all that sure it's worth it, nor is faking to try and inherit things from them. But perhaps you should if you must be around them -- tension in the air would make someone explode eventually, best to have a planned defuse. Eh... you should become distant from your family like I am... then you'd never have to deal with any of this."

    I really don't know what I would say. I'd have to really think about it. I'd probably end up just saying a bunch of curses. That's what I do when I get really angry.

    Becoming distant with my family would be really tough on me. Ionno if I could do that.
     
  18. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    they're too old to change, honey, so all you can do is ignore them... but i'd give them as little ammunition as possible, by behaving more maturely with your sister... hitting and kicking gets neither of you anywhere and only makes you look like you deserve the poor opinion thes bigoted pair seems to have of you...

    the best way to 'get even' is to walk out the door and leave her no one to fight with...

    love and hugs, maia
     
  19. Bick
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    I agree, that's something I have trouble doing. I really need to try harder though.
     
  20. adamant
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    adamant Contributing Member Contributor

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    Like me and driving slow (which is what most call the 'speed limit'... though there isn't much limiting me). I find a slower car and follow that. Perhaps in this arguments, you can go to a calmer source, say your mom, when you know it's a time when you wouldn't be able to control yourself otherwise. Also, try stepping out of yourself (if that at all makes sense) ad try to determine what draws you in to these bouts with your sister. You can't avoid someone forever, so finding a way to inhibit yourself may do wonders.

    See and you thought that would be totally off-topic, huh?
     
  21. Bick
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    That's really, really good advice. I shall remember that next time we get into a fight, which thankfully happens rarely since she lives on her own.

    You guys are so sweet. I have no idea what I'd do w/o you. -big hugs to all-
     
  22. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    Talk about MEOW! geez, I would have to agree with maia on this. Give them as little ammunition as possible. But I would ignore them. I can't get over the fact that they had the nerve to swipe at you like that in an email. And if you date 'black guys' so what? They should build a bridge and get over it! We all have the same color blood, do we not?

    Huggles chick and so sorry that you are going through this.

    ~Doz
     
  23. Nadala
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    Nadala Banned

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    Well Bick all I can say is that is god awful. I've never heard anything like it and believe me I feel for you, my own mother and her mother treat me like dirt. They are great to my face but when my backs turned I find out one way or the other what they've been saying about me. Can you disown your family? Yes I've concidered it before. But no matter how awful my mother treats me I stick around I don't really know why guess you would call it blood runs thicker then water. Okay I should be quiet now this is your post. So anyway the choice is yours now you can confront or ignore and heaps coals of kindness on their heads and hope the burn like the wicked witch. I hope things go well for you

    Nadala~
     
  24. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    My grandparents were like this. So I basically cut them out of my life.
    Only very recently did I start talking with them again. And part of that was because my Grandfather was dying.
    So I'd go with the general consensus and forget about them. If they visit, go and sleep over at a friends house, totally ignore the insolent buggers.
    Thats the best way to handle it.

    Unless of course you can get a iron clad alibi.
     
  25. Bick
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    -does a jig- :D My family now sees my grandparents for how they are. Atleast, now I can add my sister to that list.

    When she read the letter(that I posted in the first place) she was upset, but didn't understand really how bad my grandparents are.

    She called while I was having coffee with my mum's friends, my sister called. She was telling what my grandparents put on her birthday card =P On her birthday card of all things, they were saying how grand my dad was and that she really needed to thank him more often for "being the life support" of angela and donna(My mum and I.). On a birthday card? Yeah =P

    My mum now wants to write a strongly worded letter to them. Though she'd like to say it to them, I told her not too since she might say something she'd regret. I'm tempted to do the same at the moment, but my anger doesn't stay and I'm not angry for them anymore.

    They've just lost the chance to really get to know their last two grand daughters... that want anything to do with them. Poor old fools :(
     

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