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  1. GoldenBunny
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    GoldenBunny Banned

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    I'm stuck! Please help!

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by GoldenBunny, Sep 6, 2011.

    Hello All,

    I'm working on my first screenplay and I'm stuck on a scene. It goes like this :

    Scenario - The protagonist along with his brother and ex-girlfriend are trapped inside a shed. Two guards stand guard outside on either side of the door. Now the protagonist's dumb best friend has to save them.

    Since this is a comedy screenplay I've been trying to think of a funny way in which the protagonist's best friend saves them from the shed. My main problem is I want to show how the best friend nonchalantly saves them, since his character is pretty clueless throughout the screenplay. That's why it can't be intelligent or well-planned. It has to be nonchalant yet effective and amusing at the same time. Ideally, it's the dumb best friend's nonchalance that is supposed to be funny.

    It's been two days and I haven't been able to think of anything even remotely funny. Many thanks for any help regarding this.

    P.S - Apologies for using the word 'nonchalant' and it's variations about a million times but any other way would be totally out of character.
     
  2. Alex A.
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    Alex A. Member

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    dont know the surrounding area, but he could possibly cluelessly back into the back of the shed, collapsing it on top of the guards and freeing his friends. however this wouldnt work in a big security facility, but if they are in a shed I picture some suburban area with crappy wooden fences. He could be drunk driving. Just throwing it out there.
     
  3. GoldenBunny
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    GoldenBunny Banned

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    "but if they are in a shed I picture some suburban area with crappy wooden fences"

    You're absolutely right. And he couldn't be drunk driving because he reaches the shed by riding a bicycle. I'm sorry, I should've mentioned that.
     
  4. Alex A.
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    Alex A. Member

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    He flies off a ramp (could be a passing by truck ramp that holds cars, or a kids skateboard ramp) by accident and lands on the rof of the shed, sending the walls outward and freeing the friends while knocking out the bad guys. Im spent now. he could gain speed by being caught to a vehicle and letting go only to hit the ramp, sending him flying.
     
  5. GoldenBunny
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    GoldenBunny Banned

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    Yes but there's nothing amusing about that. Besides, I don't want him to break the shed. I already have dialogues prepared for when he enters the shed. The point is he doesn't realize that he's saved them and he walks in clueless and finds them. So the guards have to be taken care of outside, without any damage to the shed!
     
  6. Reggie
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    Reggie I Like 'Em hot "N Spicy Contributor

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    How about the main character stuck in the shed just locked himself in, and there's no lock from the inside of the shed. His best friend approaches the shed and unlocks the door.

    Don't feel bad Goldenbunny. I am working on my first screenplay too and it's a comedy.
     
  7. GoldenBunny
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    GoldenBunny Banned

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    But, Reggie, what about the two guards!

    I'm not feeling bad buddy, just anxious, ya know? Only writers can totally understand how hard writing something original is.
     
  8. marksteen
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    marksteen New Member

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    Fair enough if you don't want the shed damaged but what do you mean this isn't amusing. Just imagine him gaining speed and his brakes fail and he's heading towards the ramp screaming like a girl then flying through the air, the camera cuts to the men guarding who hear the screams and looking around with blank expresions. I think that scene could be very funny if done right.
     
  9. Pythonforger
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    Pythonforger Carrier of Insanity

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    He rides, whistling a slow, merry tune. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the large branch in the way. His bicycle flips over and skids towards the guards, knocking them off their legs.
     
  10. prettyprettyprettygood
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    prettyprettyprettygood Active Member

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    Perhaps he could start up a conversation with the guards, and accidentally end up causing them to argue or fight with each other, distracting them (plenty of options for what the argument could be about and the details of the distraction to make it as comical as you like). He could then shrug and start to walk off, until an urgent knock on the window/door from a MC reminds him of what he's there for.

    Just a thought!
     
  11. GoldenBunny
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    GoldenBunny Banned

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    Now that's what I'm talking about. Thank you! This has a lot of scope even though it will be a little challenging to write but nevertheless, this is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. I'm going to start brainstorming on this scene. I can't thank you enough... this is just excellent. I hope your writing is going well... if you can give me such a great suggestion after being provided with such little information, I'm sure you must be coming up with quality work for your own screenplay. Wish you luck on that. And I really appreciate you helping me out.

    Probably should look at how important this scene actually is. If you don't have a reason to have them in the shed (maybe you do) then there is no reason to be hung up. Also, lose the "dumb friend" and make him something more interesting than just ignorant or clueless. If he was cocky and stupid or hot-headed and insecure then you might have something a little easier to work with.

    Dumb Friend approaches the shed and guards.

    DF: Hey, guys. I know you're busy, I won't keep you long. (Deep breath) I got a couple of buddies in that shed. Let's keep this between the three of us, but I've never been one to pick a lock. My great aunt tried to teach me, but I never got the knack. (Holds up his hands) Fat fingers, you see? Aunt Jean had small hands, almost like little hairless cat's paws. Anyway, I guess what I'm getting at here is, what are your thoughts on letting my friends go? I'd hate to get violent.

    (Silence from the guards)

    (DF slowly removes a pair of fingernail clippers from his pocket, flips out the sharp file, and plunges it into the thigh of one of the guards. The guard screams and flails to the side. His gun goes off and a stray bullet clips the lock on the shed door)
     
  12. Alex A.
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    Alex A. Member

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    my point exactly, some buster keaton slapstick comedy
     
  13. AMasonCarpenter
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    AMasonCarpenter Member

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    goofy friend asks guards question, drops personal item, exits. Guards simultaneously bend to pick up item, bang heads together, magic tv unconsciousness ensues, idiot returns to get item, unlocks shed. Cheap to film slapstick, no vehicle stunts. Plus dialog comedy (the question) and prop comedy (the personal item) potential.

    Did that help?

    AMC
     
  14. GoldenBunny
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    GoldenBunny Banned

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    You're kidding right? This has been done over a trillion times and it's so not funny. Writers use these kind of scenes when they have nothing to write.

    The basic idea is there though the scene will have to be tweaked quite a bit. But this is surely the second best suggestion I've received on this thread. Thank you.

    Still doesn't explain what the other guard's doing while the DF stabs one of them. Anyway, this is more violent than funny. Thanks for taking the time to reply though.
     
  15. webbo_5
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    Yeah. Good luck.
     
  16. Alex A.
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    First time I saw a buster Keaton film was last year. I have seen tons of comedies before it. I still laughed my ass off. Physical comedy still gets laughs you just gotta know how to do it. Of course it was a lot funnier in the silent era.
     
  17. GoldenBunny
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    GoldenBunny Banned

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    You laughed because it was Buster Keaton. And by your own admission, it was a lot funnier in the silent era. You're actually telling me to include the same kind of comedy that worked in the 1920's? Of course, this scene may get a few laughs (and similar scenes have been funny over the years, eg. scenes in Chris Farley's Black Sheep) because humor is subjective but I'm aiming for something which is funny to a larger number of people. Besides, I didn't really take any of the suggestions on this thread. I wrote a completely different scene at the last minute which does involve some physical comedy but nothing so in-your-face.
     
  18. cobaltblue
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    Is the shed in the middle of nowhere or related to a nearby house? What about, idiot best friend is riding his bike along and realises he needs to go to the bathroom.. so he decides to ride up to the house but crashes his bike into one of the cars that's parked outside, causing the alarm to go off and spotlights on the house to come on maybe someone yells inside. So he panics and heads through the trees/whatever into the garden/brush/whatever behind the house.
    The guards hear the commotion and head for the driveway, they're in charge of keeping the peace outside after-all.... the dim friend stumbles along with his bike and sees the shed... thinks there might be a bathroom in there.... or forget the whole bathroom idea he decides to hide from the car alarm commotion in the shed.
    ???
     
  19. webbo_5
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    webbo_5 Member

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    Why are they in the shed? I assume there is a good reason for it.
     
  20. GoldenBunny
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    GoldenBunny Banned

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    The shed is in the middle of nowhere so if I had to use your idea, I'd have to make a few minor changes. As for your suggestion, it's not bad at all. Thank you. But like I posted before, I've already written the scene.

    Of course there's a reason. They are held captive in the shed. It's the dumb friend that saves them.
     
  21. webbo_5
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    Oh, of course.
     

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