This passage is intended to communicate the panic being experienced by the character. What is being described in the part in red is not actually happening, either literally or figuratively. My question is, is it clear that this is a description of his feelings rather than of an actual event? This is in the context of hard sci-fi not fantasy, and the character snaps back to reality immediately after this description.
It would probably depend on context. If this is toward the end of a text that clearly had no supernatural or scifi-mind-melding-with-data elements, I'd probably read it as figurative language, no problem. But if it was closer to the start of the book, when I still wasn't quite sure what was going on, I can see it being confusing.
That is exactly the context. He's literally typing on a computer terminal. The following paragraph should clarify as it begins, "He snapped back to reality as the terminal chimed." Thanks for your answer
I think you can solve the ambiguity problem by changing a single word at the beginning. Arlo felt imagined the narrow,
I did consider using 'imagined', but to me this suggested that he pictured it in his mind. I want to communicate that this is more of a sensation rather than him actually picturing it happening.
You could use the old "practically" or "almost" trick - He could practically feel or he could almost feel. As I said, I think it's okay as it is. But if you wanted to take a half-step back..
I would say "Arlo felt as though..." and then carry on from there. If its a metaphor it needs to be clear.
