1. Sang Hee
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    Sang Hee Contributing Member

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    Is it normal that friends don't help each other?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Sang Hee, May 27, 2011.

    In one of my previous threads about a girl having crush on her best friend's dad many people mentioned that it could easily lead to a collapse of friendship. I have a friend who has a crush on a same boy as her friend but wants to hide it because she's afraid her friend would hate her then.
    So, is it normal that people just rather let go of their friendships instead of trying to work it out? Of course that's what one would assume but what is your life experience?
     
  2. JMTweedie
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    JMTweedie Senior Member

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    Not to my experience,

    Friendships are more important than fleeting infatuation.

    If friends are not loyal then they've never been friends at all.
     
  3. Still Life
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    Still Life Active Member

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    A "real friend" wouldn't hate her even after knowing that. That's just my two cents.
     
  4. StrangerWithNoName
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    StrangerWithNoName Longobard duke

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    Then they're not friends, but people she knows.
     
  5. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    not if they're true friends!
     
  6. Jessica_312
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    Jessica_312 Contributing Member

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    My two cents? A true friend would never let a guy come between them. That's what I called a "fair-weathered friend". I had a "friend" or two in junior high / high school that ditched me for boyfriends - those "friendships" didn't last long.
     
  7. afra
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    afra New Member

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    I don't think that s/he will hate but it will be strange to accept each other as bf or gf at the beginning....

    as the other members said if it is a real friendship it will last forever...
     
  8. Trilby
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    Trilby Contributing Member Contributor

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    A true friend is; someone that will stand by you through thick and thin.
     
  9. Nightshade
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    Nightshade Senior Member

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    A lot of true friends wouldn't fall out over something so petty but sometimes it can blow up into an argument and they have times where they don't get along but the friendship usually repairs itself pretty quickly because they'd value it over a squabble.
     
  10. Gigi_GNR
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    Gigi_GNR Guys, come on. WAFFLE-O. Contributor

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    My friends and I have liked the same boy before, but it's never resulted in a permanent falling out between us. I think that if they're your true friends, they wouldn't drop you over something as petty as a crush.
     
  11. The Bard of Wigan
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    The Bard of Wigan Contributing Member

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    If you find more than 3 true friends in your life then you have achieved greatness.
     
  12. Gigi_GNR
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    Gigi_GNR Guys, come on. WAFFLE-O. Contributor

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    ^ Agreed. True friends that are there for a long time are difficult to come by.
     
  13. funkybassmannick
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    funkybassmannick Contributing Member

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    ^I also agree. This whole notion that "A true friend will stick with you no matter what" is great, but that puts high demands on the friend. The friend has to be a flawless, emotionally stable person, and let's face it most of our friends are far from perfect.

    Realistically, all people have childish insecurities somewhere embedded in their personalities, and that can interfere with maintaining a friendship. Sometimes these insecurities can become so salient that maintaining the friendship becomes very difficult. When this happens, it might seem easier to just let the friendship fizzle out into nothing, and unfortunately, a lot of people do.

    "True Friendships" are not magical relationships that run smoothly and effortlessly. Just like our relationships with our parents, our siblings, and our partners, they hit some snags now and again and take some work to maintain. The success of any friendship depends on how well the two are communicating emotions (When you do X, I feel Y), how well they try to understand each other, and their willingness to forgive each other for their shortcomings. Because of personality differences, this is easier to do with some people over others, but there will always be snags in any relationship you encounter. You choose if it's worth the effort to work through those snags.
     
  14. haribol
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    haribol Member

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    Friendship is built on sand these days and if you have a lot of money or if you have something they follow you. True friendship is in print and in reality we have different. People want to gratify their personal needs or desires through friendships. There are motives. To seek someone who really cares for you despite anything is a dream or a mirage. Never fully rely on anybody. Everyone has his or her weaker part too. When your stronger part is dominating you the friendship goes fabulously and when your weaker part is dominating you friendship becomes a motive only.
     
  15. CottonCandi
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    CottonCandi Active Member

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    I had a crush on the same guy as my friend, I backed off and they hung out together. A few weeks later, they broke up.
     
  16. Protar
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    Protar Active Member

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    I fell out with my mate because we fancied the same girl. We're friends now though. And really it was more about the fact that we'd agreed neither would ask her out and he then proceeded to try and chat her up.
     
  17. Ice Queen
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    Ice Queen Senior Member

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    Ha! I used to think I had quite a few true friends; one of them I fell in love withand eventually got together with. What's funny is that by getting together with him; somehow all my other "friends" started acting like arseholes and ended up making me choose between them and him. Of course I chose him; he would never have made me choose. Two years later and he's the only true friend I have.

    In my experience, friedships are actually more transient than I'd like. But geez. If someone does something like that; forces you to choose between them and a guy, or abandons you when you need them- f*ck them. They were never your friends in the first place! >:c
     
  18. sidtvicious
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    sidtvicious Contributing Member Contributor

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    I can't help but agree with Ice Queen. I had a really bad falling out with what I thought was a good friend of mine (also a roommate for two years) when I fell for a girl that we were both good friends with. Long story short, he decided to be highly passive aggressive and persistent at making me rather miserable while we lived together. When I finally confronted him about it, he gave this long speech about respect and friendship. It was at this point that the friendship was pretty much over. I haven't spoken to him outside of a few social interactions nor do I expect to see much of him in the future, my girl friend and I are in happy relationship which is progressively moving forward, i.e. we'll be living together in the spring. My point: an ultimatum of "choosing" is not something a true friend will do, nor will a true friend try to stop another friend's happiness due to their own advantage.
     
  19. BareFootWanderer
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    Well, my childhood friend completely shunned me years after we were raped as children. She just started to despise me for her own reasons.

    And also, I was best friends with a guy for six years before I told him one day that I'm in love with him. He then proceeded with shunning me and outwardly expressing a deep hatred towards me.

    I've never let anyone else in except for my english teacher, who I am deeply in love with. And he knows this, but also knows a few things about my past, so he is bound to me by pity, whilst also keeping his distance for obvious reasons. But really he just feels obligated to pay me attention.

    I hate everyone else.

    I don't need friends, I am perfectly happy and well-preoccupied with reading and writing. :)
     
  20. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    doesn't sound very healthy to me... are you in therapy?
     
  21. Shahar
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    Shahar Member

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    I think this is wonderful you have such good friends, these friends are a hard thing to come by, however, I disagree with your choice of the word 'petty'. I believe that the one thing that is so amazing about emotions its their capabilty of stripping us from every ounce of our common sense. I wouldnt describe such an emotion as petty.
    I do believe that relationships are a two way street and it often takes two to build or destroy them, and rarely does one deserve to take the blame. I learned that if I work hard on my relationships those who are true will do the same. And if they dont? well they dont deserve you as a friend.

    Gigi GNR - The Perks of Being a Wallflower is one of my favorite books. That line in your signature made me smile :)
     
  22. BareFootWanderer
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    BareFootWanderer Member

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    Yes :(
     
  23. shadowwalker
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    shadowwalker Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'm a bit undecided on this whole issue. If a friend of mine was actually going with someone, obviously that person's off-limits. But if it's just a crush, or they've broken up, and I'm attracted to him - should I completely ignore the chance of finding my partner because of that? Wouldn't my friend want me to be happy if she was truly my friend?

    I think loyalty is great - but making that kind of sacrifice may end up creating resentments that, in the end, will destroy the friendship anyway. Instead of having the 'bird in the hand', you end up with nothing.
     

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