I needed more than just a grain of salt, but I took it. Pu-lease, Bella was such a pain! Anyway, you do make some good points, specially about him being a teenager. Well, after taking some feedback and working on him for a day now I realized that he's a bit different from how I initially described him. You see, he didn't just have tragic events in his childhood and growing up, he created some tragic events by his reactions to those he couldn't control. He's now more of the opposite Macbeth character. Cold, aggressive, unlikable --------> shaken by his previous actions and then striving to change but fearing that it's too late. He's not cold because he wants to, and the reader will see him regretting some cold reactions, just merely masking his feelings so that he doesn't get hurt. It's normal when you trust and be betrayed that you stop trusting after a while. I'm still working on him, polishing him and working on those who'll affect him as well. It's coming out nicely so far. Thanks for your feedback, it's very helpful for me!!
I don't know if this helps, but when I was reading your first paragraph, I was thinking "emo...done before", but I pricked up my ears...er, eyes, when I read the second. I really like what you're trying to do with their relationship. I don't think I've ever read anything besides a certain old fairy tale where the token girl doesn't get together with the guy in the end after a series of paint-by-number misadventures. I'm actually looking forward to seeing what you have to write with this. It sounds like you have a really interesting perspective going on.
Oh, thank you. This is actually very helpful in a motivating way. I was hoping somebody would notice that. =D
Just remember that no matter how angry or cold someone appears to the outside world, we all have something that makes us laugh, smile, cry, and love. As long as his opposite brings at least one of those things out in him, I think he sounds fine.
This isn't what I meant about "15 words". This is only covering his personality - how would you describe him overall? For example, I would describe one of my own characters, Lu, as: a mechanic who lies about his true nature so that his boyfriend won't leave him. (15 words) This says a lot about the sort of fiction you read. About a third to a half of what I read (and write) ends in this way.
I think you just described his personality as well. I see no difference except that in the language we used to describe each. But if you want me to do it your way then here it is: a teenager enclosed within masks, peeling them off when faced with those opposite to him. Really? I'm not saying my idea is the most original thing but do you really end half your stories without a love note/hint?
Not exactly. Look again. If I'd described just my character's personality you would have heard that he was stubborn, hyperactive, uncertain, has a limited vocabulary and is distracted by the smallest thing (like you used the words "angry", "coldness", "indifference"). What I described was his profession and his goal: to keep his lover around no matter what. Which, for the record, he fails with. Haha, yes. Everything I write has romance as a theme but a lot of it doesn't fit into the strict romance genre simply because it doesn't have that happy ending. Probably because none of my own relationships have had a happy ending I wasn't exactly left with the best impression of romance when I found out two years down the line that my ex didn't believe in marriage and hates kids.
I see what you mean now. Well, maybe then I need to get to know the guy better. Your character sounds interesting though, from your description I can picture him wearing a baseball cap, his eyes cast down with uncertainty, turning a piece of cloth (greased) between his fingers. (forgive my English) That makes sense. It's nice to see that you've included some of your own life experiences in your stories. It's always interesting to feel that you're there, vaguely somewhere between the lines. You got to look at this character (Kael) and you'll understand part of his creator. ;]
Empathy is derived by showing us (the reader) that your protagonist is "like us". MacBeth kills his way to the top and becomes King - by all accounts a monster - but we feel empathy for him as we see him feel guilty for the terrible things he does. Perhaps your 'cold' character also feels the pang of guilt?
I'm having the same problem with my MC (coincidentally also a teenaged boy). My character, Joshua, devolves into a murderer over the course of the novel. The issue for me is ensuring that he does not come off as a cold and calculated psychopath, but instead as a person, a person that I want the reader to be able to connect with (there is nothing I hate more than a book full of 2D characters). I'm writing the novel from Joshua's POV, in a stream-of-consciousness sort of format. It's helped me to get inside his head and truly develop his personality to a point where I almost want to change the book and make things end well for him . You don't have to shift the style of your novel, but it could help you to develop this character if you take an hour or so to just free-write his thoughts. Try to understand him fully.
It will help if there are moments when the boy questions his behavior. For example, he might confess it's bad to angry, yet he's unable to control himself. We all get mad sometimes. As long as this character stays honest, people should accept him.
