1. Euphemias
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    Euphemias New Member

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    Is there something wrong?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Euphemias, Mar 16, 2011.

    "She was having her friends from school coming over and she wanted to make sure her room was presentable."

    When I wrote it a few weeks ago, now that it's due tonight, I'm reading over this sentence and I feel it's written wrong. Am I just imaginning things up because of my nerves? Or am I right? Should it be "She was having her friends from school come over and she wanted to make sure her room was presentable."?
     
  2. Arathald
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    Arathald Contributing Member

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    "She was having her friends from school come over and she wanted to make sure her room was presentable."

    This version is correct. I can't think of what specific rule the original sentence is violating, but I know that it doesn't sound right, while the revision does.

    Also, the "was having" sounds awkward and wordy to me; I think the beginning of the sentence would read better as something like "Her friends from school were coming over...".
     
  3. Euphemias
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    Euphemias New Member

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    Thank you!!
     
  4. zaffy
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    zaffy Contributing Member

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    Why the nerves, enjoy.
    I think you could make the sentence a little more energetic.
    That old cliche 'show don't tell' comes to mind when I read sentences such as. She tidied her room.
    You could try something like this to give an image rather than reportage.

    Her friends would soon be knocking on the door. She dusted the shelves, stuffed clothes in draws, straightened the wonky picture, then stood back and smiled, now her room appeared, a least on the surface, presentable.
     
  5. Ion
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    Ion Senior Member

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    Alternatively...

    "Her friends from school were coming over, and she wanted her room presentable."
     
  6. PurpleCandle
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    PurpleCandle Senior Member

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    :confused:
     
  7. Ion
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    Ion Senior Member

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    Typo. Whoops.
     
  8. digitig
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    digitig Contributing Member Contributor

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    You don't need "having" and "coming":
    She was having her friends from school over and she wanted to make sure her room was presentable.​
    or:
    Her friends from school were coming over and she wanted to make sure her room was presentable.​
     

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