1. jgm2089
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    jgm2089 New Member

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    is this a good build up for a plot?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by jgm2089, Mar 6, 2011.

    Give me your advice please...

    I was on my knees trying to fight my demonic possession, it was all that I can bear to absorb the feeling of this scorching acid engulfing the entirety of my body. The powerful demon, Saebus fought to take control of me and kill Desdemona. All of the memories in my life flashed before my eyes as I began to feel a sense of disembodiment and then there was the darkness. Complete nothingness. I was alive within this dark purgatorial atmosphere. Trying to figure what just happened. I try and collect my thoughts as my soul swims through this calm void of black ocean. I was standing in front of Desdemona in the lexos church ready to hear the truth about the orchestrated ancestry that has been carried on until my inception and then the unrelenting agony that was saebus took control of me. How could I have let this tragedy take place. What will happen to Desdemona and will I ever recover from this nightmare? I have lost so much since I left the covenant and yet I cannot negate the fact that I have gained so much insight on life since I have met Desdemona. I start to feel an overwhelming sensation of pain As this pool of blackness begins to bend and twist my body.
     
  2. AJSmith
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    AJSmith Senior Member

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    I'm new to this, so I apologize for my confusion...

    Is this a beginning or an excerpt from something you are writing?


    I like the style and imagery, but I'm really not sure what your question is.
     
  3. Dandroid
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    Dandroid Senior Member

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    sounds like a very interesting concept....however it appears to be frought with cliche turns of phrase and some flourishes that are over blown..ie...I try and collect my thoughts as my soul swims through this calm void of black ocean....that and your tenses are all over the map...doesn't really seem like the start...does this occur mid-way to later in the work?
     
  4. AJSmith
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    AJSmith Senior Member

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    I guess I was just confused by the thread title... I was expecting more of a synopsis or opening, but this seems to be an excerpt from the depths of the piece.

    I'm thinking now though, that the words, "build up for a plot" are referring to a particular scene. Maybe the question is simply about this particular scene?

    If that is the case...

    There is a lot going on in this scene, and the way it runs together makes it hard for me to visualize exactly what is going on. I think that the character is being possessed by a demon, talks about a memory in a church, and then it goes back to describing the possession. If that is the case, some key transitional words and paragraphing may be very helpful.

    The concept of possession has been done a lot, but without knowing the context of the rest of your plot, I can't say whether or not it feels like a cliche to me. I think it really depends on what originality you bring to it... if that makes sense. :)
     
  5. JPLayne
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    JPLayne Member

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    I like the concept. I do agree with the above post that some transition should be occurring, it seems like an intense scene, take your time describing feelings and sensations and then gradually ease into memories.

    Just my thought.
     

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