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  1. Ibsen123
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    Ibsen123 New Member

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    Is this a good thesis statement?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Ibsen123, Feb 22, 2009.

    Im writing a college essay and i really need help crafting a good thesis statement. Here is the background info...I am writing a paper about a play and if i think it is good or bad. I will have my body paragraphs mentioning 3 (1 for each body) things i liked about the play (Character development, conflict, and symbols). I want to make sure my thesis is strong and i won't get a bad grade because of it alone. please help, its not cheating and i dont want a free handout, i need help crafting it. Thank you

    The Thesis:

    "This play is an extravagant example of literature that has hidden meaning and also can be classified as one of the greatest plays written to depict modern moral issues. "
     
  2. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    This will probably not be permitted here. But I can tell you that if the sentence you give above is what you intent to use as your thesis statement, it is weak.

    If the 'thesis' you are writing is only going to be intro paragraph, 3 body paragraphs and conclusion paragraph, you can't have a thesis statement with 2 points of discussion in it. It's too short. (Just be thankful you don't go to an old fashioned British school. We never wrote less than 5 PAGES for our essays.)

    Be clearer about the focus. Is is about 'an extravagant example of literature with hidden meaning' OR is it about 'it is one of the greatest plays written to depict modern moral issues'. Not both.

    And don't forget that in addition to the thesis statement, each one of your paragraphs will need a topic sentence. The simplest way is to make the topic sentence the first sentence.
     
  3. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    Meant to say 'intend' not 'intent' there!
     
  4. Ibsen123
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    Ibsen123 New Member

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    Thank you very much, all i needed. :)
     
  5. Rei
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    Rei Contributing Member Contributor

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    Nope, won't be permitted. This is not the place to get help for homework. Cogito is always concerned about issues of plaigiarism. It's for your benefit, too. There was a big issue when a York University student set up a facebook group for studying. He almost got expelled for cheating despite the fact that it was just an on-line version of what we all do in study groups in the library.
     
  6. ArckAngel
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    ArckAngel Member

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    All he's asking is if it is a proper example of a good thesis. He's not asking for us to write one for him. Just tell him what's wrong with his current one.

    Anyway:

    "This play is an extravagant example of literature that has hidden meaning and also can be classified as one of the greatest plays written to depict modern moral issues. "

    "This play": What play? Who's the author? You have to let us know, because your professor will be reading it like he doesn't know. Just like we right now don't know what play you are talking about.

    An "extravagant example of literature": This is completely unnecessary. Your professor knows this, it is why he gave it to you to study. It's is commonly called cheer leading. It's not good. You don't need to say that a great writer is a great writer. If they weren't you wouldn't be studying them.

    "hidden meaning" : What kind of hidden meaning? Are you talking about the social political issues that the play is discussing through it's characters? Hidden meaning is a brod and vague term, it should be focused and concise. What hidden meaning are you talking about?

    "Greatest plays": How do you know? Have you gone through every other play and compared this play to this one? This is once again cheer leading. Stop it.

    Your thesis is 'This play depicts modern moral issues.' That is all. And it is much too general. What modern moral issues? You have to be concise and to the point. You have to focus in on what you want to talk about from the start. You cannot be general.
     
  7. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    The thesius atatement is vague. Every instructor probably already knows the adage:
    A thesis statemen is a simple statement of the position you intend to support. Leave out the grand adhectives and adverbs.

    Go back and reread the notes from your class on what constitutes a good thesis. If you weren't paying attention, bega more attentive classmate. Furtermore, there are many, many internet guides on writing a thesis statement as well as how to write a persuasive essay.
     

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