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Is this an awkward way to kickstart the plot?

Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Link the Writer, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    @Mckk -
    "I don't know how else I am supposed to understand that sentence, given that "directing wrath at Amos" is the last action mentioned before the clause "last guy who did that" - so I must assume "that" refers to "directing wrath Amos"."
    Oh dear, apparently I don't know how clauses work. Hope you don't mind explaining that to me because I'm kind of lost on it. What are clauses?

    Edit: OH!! Now I see!! So in other words, the sentence is basically saying, "the last guy who got pissy with me, I beat the shit out of him." Considering that Amos is (1) not a violent person and (2) blind, I can see how this can be confusing.

    So to make it clear that it was Wilkins who beat the shit out of that guy, maybe I should re-write it to: Last guy who angered Wilkins ended up with a broken nose.

    Now that I think about it, doesn't that make Wilkins a bit of a psychotic loose-cannon? The guy's so willing to break noses over whatever thing that slighted him to the point where Amos is terrified of pissing him off? That doesn't sound like a guy I'd want to hang out with. It actually makes Wilkins a borderline child abuser.

    Maybe I should re-write that to something else so Wilkins doesn't sound like a violently unhinged person.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2017
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  2. Mckk

    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Lol yeah, Wilkins definitely sounds a little psychotic then :D

    Clause, as far as I understand it, is essentially the bits of the sentence that's separated by commas? So like...

    Jack knocked on the door, which opened a few moments later.

    - Jack knocked on the door
    First clause, and in this case it would be the main clause, but it's not the full sentence yet.​

    - ... which opened a few moments later
    Second clause, and in this case it is a subordinate clause I think, which adds meaning to the main clause.​

    The two clauses together make a single sentence.

    I think that's it anyway. Certainly it's how I understand this stuff :D @Wreybies is the grammar expert though. I've never studied it - this is just stuff I've come to "know" through... I'm not sure through what. Probably a combination of reading stuff on here and actually reading English textbooks from time to time (I'm supposed to teach English you see).
     
  3. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    ^ Very useful skill to have. :D Teaching English.

    As far as Psycho!Wilkins goes, maybe I can tamper down his reaction from flat out kicking the ever loving shit out the poor sap. Perhaps instead he merely grabs the guy by the scruff of his collar and pushes him out with clear orders to never return? That way he can still command respect from his staff and patrons, but he's not acting like a lunatic. I mean, seriously, would you want to follow him if he's prone to violent outbursts? I wouldn't. :bigeek:
     
  4. Mckk

    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Not too sure I have the skill really - I just play games and sing songs with the kids :D

    Shoving someone out of your tavern with orders never to return sounds all right :D
     
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  5. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    That's good. :D Maybe Amos could instead be afraid of pissing Wilkins off enough that the old man might decide the boy's just too much of a hassle and kick him out of the tavern?
     
  6. Mckk

    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Sounds reasonable to me! He needs a job right and as a blind guy it's probably pretty hard to get one, so it makes sense.
     
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