1. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Is this sentence correct? It feels slightly off!

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by MatrixGravity, May 28, 2011.

    Today I was interviewed for a job, and this was my response!

    They asked me "Why do you want to work here", And I said,

    "I'd like to work here because the atmosphere of the store feels very vibrant and uplifting, and I feel like I'd be able to integrate myself here really well."

    I feel like I could have done better, is there any errors, or perhaps a slightly different way you guys would have phrased it? Maybe I should have said "Integrate myself really well in this workplace."

    Also, Did I use "Integrate" correctly? Thank you guys!
     
  2. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    You did use integrate okay, but you should remember what an awesome writer said, which is "I speak in first draft" - and once it's out loud you don't get to run through with a red pen. :p Don't spend your time kicking yourself about stuff you said out loud. I'm an awesome writer, but when I speak out my tenses and number agreements are all over the place and I misuse basic words. I don't know if it's a thing, but I'm probably dyslexic in my speech compared to how I write. :p
     
  3. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    The punctuation is off, but that was not the bit you are querying, I suppose. The 'like' is an error, but becoming common, so maybe it's more acceptable now as normal English. See below:

    Today I was interviewed for a job, and this was my response!

    They asked me, "Why do you want to work here", and I said,

    "I'd like to work here because the atmosphere of the store feels very vibrant and uplifting, and I feel as though/if I'll be able to integrate really well."

    I would probably have said 'fit in' or 'contribute to the team' rather than 'integrate'--that word is used more often for groups or minorities.
     
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  4. Chickendancer
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    Chickendancer Senior Member

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    Hello MG. In my humble opinion:

    Today I was interviewed for a job and the employers asked me, "Why do you want to work here?"

    ...uplifting. I truely believe I could fit in here and be a genuine contributor."

    Integrate is a great word, but sometimes KISS (keep it simple stupid) works best.

    Good luck with your writing.
     
  5. MatrixGravity
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    MatrixGravity Senior Member

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    Thank you guys for your wonderful feedback. So, I'm slightly confused. Did I use "Integrate" out of context?
     
  6. Islander
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    Islander Contributing Member Contributor

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    It's not incorrect, since you can speak of "integrating in a social context" (like a workplace). If it's too formal or sounding odd in that context, I can't say.
     
  7. digitig
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    digitig Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'd use "I'd" rather than "I'll" for the second part of the sentence, to match the "I'd" in the first. I would like to work here and I would (not will) be able to integrate.
     
  8. Mallory
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    Mallory Mallegory. Contributor

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    Just as a future tip, when you're interviewed for a job, you may want to consider being more specific in your answers. For example, vibrant and uplifting how? For all the interviewer knows, you could be talking about the background music and lighting, neither of which should be priority reasons for wanting the position.

    Likewise, integrate how? As Madhoca said, I'd go with "contribute to the team," "bring my skills to the table," etc. (And say what kind of skills; why should this employer want you? And how exactly would you contribute to the team? You need to be clear and concise on these issues.)

    Don't worry about slipping impressive vocab into your job interviews. Instead, focus on selling yourself with specific key points that highlight why you're the most useful and valuable potential employee.
     
  9. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    follow that wise old army axiom, 'K.I.S.S.!'
     

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