1. Hermanberntzen
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    Hermanberntzen New Member

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    Is this Solid Enough?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Hermanberntzen, Aug 10, 2011.

    Plot
    Pilgrim Peregrinus Lawrence Luxemburg do not travel because of religious backgrounds, he is known to travel abroad on things which arouse his interest. He is known by the term''A person who wander from place to place,''One day he arrives the kingdom Everlot which is still known for it's good name, but the good name shows up only as a mask when he arrives in the kingdom.
    Grove expressions and gray contours show the city in a new figure who only carries it's name as a facade. The name of the town strains from the soil-pasture owners, Mr. and Mrs. Everlot.
    But despite the textures of the kingdom as it appears , It is still that one can seek his fortune, he meets the woman, Laura, but this turns out to end up being a love triangle as Luxembourg meets a nymph, a day at sea. The upper body is human but the lower body is a colorful snake, Enya is her name and over time Luxembourg is in love with the sea creature.
    While Luxembourg is played out in a love triangle , the ocean offers far bigger problems that he must deal with. The sister of Enya, Khione is a winter god but also nymph, deceived by her own sister she ask Luxemburg if he can ask for help and advice of the wisest man in Everlot, Oracle. Luxembourg must fight a battle before Khione makes the whole ocean to permanently frost , if not he never gonna get to meet Eyna again. The conditions are that Luxembourg must sacrifice Laura to the sea so Khione can get Leviathan as her companion.

    Personal

    Peregrinus Lawrence Luxemburg; A non Religious pilgrimage, he is in a relationship with two women, Princess Enya witch is a nymph and the Princess of Everlot Laura. After Enya's sister threats to do the sea to frost, he must make the decision to sacrifice Laura to Leviathan, or if there is another way out.

    Lawrence Everlot and Wilhelmina Everlot; of royal blood and landmarks owners of the Empire Everlot. Mother and father of the Princess Laura.

    Laura Everlot; only child and heir of the royal throne, together with Luxemburg that she meets she plans to take his hand for marriage and together be new landmarks owners of Everlot.

    Khione; Daughter of Amfritrite and born of sea foam and the sister of Enya, a nymph but also the winter's god. After she hears about the relationship between land man Luxemburg and her sister Enya she betrayes her family and threats to make the whole ocean to permanently frost if she does not get the royal daughter Laura in exchange that she will sacrifice to the Leviathan, a sea monster, so the Leviathan becomes her companion and she can be ruler of the ocean empire alone before her sister takes the throne.

    Enya; Daughter of Amfritrite and born of the sea foam and the older sister Khione, and the heir of the ocean's empire after her mother, she falls in love with Luxembourg and plays a role in the fight against her sister.

    Oracle: Is the wisest man in Everlot and is considered a source of good advice and prophetic opinions also admired by nymphs.


    Locations

    Kingdom Everlot; that bears it's name as a mask over it's true self.

    Laurentum - Sea where all the sea creatures live, belong to the country Everlot.

    Hope you understand it , wasn't to easy to convert it from Norwegian to English. But here's the plot and some of the personalities.

    ©
     
  2. Rassidan
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    Rassidan Senior Member

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    I think the plot sounds interesting enough but I have one major question. How can he say he is in love with Laura if he is even considering sacrificing her, which is an assumption but logically you would have no story if he didn't consider the offer. A classic method to make Luxemburg choose between two people by far. I would be very interested to see how this story turns out in the end.
     
  3. Mr Mr
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    Mr Mr Active Member

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    Not too sure, you need to redo the translation so its better.
     
  4. Hermanberntzen
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    Hermanberntzen New Member

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    Remeber this is just sketches , he must consider it in the fact that he love two women at the same time .. And i can't almost imagine how that makes your'e head spin.
    I'm not finished with all the bio , need more character's.
    It's the big question , who would you sacrife you're dad or you're mom ?
    When i come to the key of the solution i hope it clicks.
     
  5. Rassidan
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    Rassidan Senior Member

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    And that key will be what makes or breaks your plot but if you feel up to the task by all means continue to develop it. I had a friend of mine who completely rewrote the entire plot and opening based on my questioning of the basics. Sometimes people overlook the obvious and I myself tend to overthink things. Just continue the work and even if others think the plot is not solid enough you can make it so by the end. I however think it is a good start for the plot.
     
  6. Hermanberntzen
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    Hermanberntzen New Member

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    Thanks for positive replies ! I shall try to fix the translation.
     
  7. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has all been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read What is Plot Creation and Development?

    It ain't solid until it has been written in full.
     

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