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  1. powertodream
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    powertodream Member

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    Is this something you'd want to read?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by powertodream, Jan 19, 2007.

    Nicholas Barstan works for the Department of Public Safety, a department which arrests anyone considered to be a threat to national security to protect the people. However, when the chance comes for him to move to Canada, a protectorate of the United States, he jumps at it. Outside of the borders, he can pursue his real agenda – the overthrow of the government. Plans get unraveled when Nicholas is caught out and arrested. Eventually, he is rescued and moves his small group of followers to Toronto. His first goal is to capture Canada for himself and then to attack the United States.

    Before he can do this, though, the United States government places a force field around Canada in order to seclude what has become a dangerously unstable nation. It is behind the force field that Nicholas learns to lead and captures the heart of the Canadian people, and builds a large and dedicated army. After nearly six months of isolation, suffering through plague and famine, Nicholas manages to lift the force field. He is disgusted by the lack of public outcry from the rest of the world, and in a recorded message, declares that he will force the rest of the world to pay for their malicious ignorance, and goes on to prove it with an attack in Europe that kills thousands.

    It is only after this attack that Colonel Arkady Matazov, a counter-intelligence operative, becomes interested in Nicholas. Matazov, an ex-soldier once imprisoned by his government for political reasons, has plenty of reasons to hate his country. While Matazov has always wished that he could change the way his country is run, he has never acted on those beliefs. He finds himself admiring Nicholas, while he dedicates himself to hunting down and killing the man. He sends in several teams of men to capture Nicholas or any of his men; all are killed and their bodies are sent back to Matazov.

    Then Matazov receives a note from Nicholas, asking for a meeting. He knows that this will be his one chance to kill the man, if he can, but he finds himself wondering if that’s the right thing to do. Once in Canada, Nicholas takes Matazov into the countryside, hands him a gun, and explains everything he intends to do, and that he is nearly sure that Matazov feels the same, but if not, to get on with his job and kill him. After a moment of hesitation, Matazov kills Nicholas, and returns to Russia with his mission completed.

    After it becomes generally known that Nicholas is dead, the United States government finally feels safe. That is when Stephen Pearson, Nicholas’s second-in-command, announces that in retaliation for Nicholas’s death, he and his army will travel to Washington to receive the resignation of the entire United States government. He also adds that they have come into possession of nuclear weapons and if anyone tries to stop them on their way to Washington, they will be punished accordingly. He finishes with a message to the American people, telling them that it was only ever Nicholas’s wish to bring democracy back to the United States, and if they feel the same way, to rise up as he travels to Washington.

    Stephen Pearson and his force of ten thousand are met in Washington by the army and are massacred. The government issues a statement that the country is safe once more, and that now the people have nothing to fear.
     
  2. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    ...well. The plot could be good, but in the end it sounds like a heaping helping of loony propaganda/incredible fanaticism for one side or country or other. Also, the ending is...dumb.

    So no, after reading that summary, I probably wouldn't read the story.
     
  3. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    A force field that will cover the second largest country in the world? I'm all for sci-fi but with that technology any country would become virtually impossible to defeat.

    How far in the future is this set? Why did the US invade Canada? Why are Canadians now a bunch of dangerous fanatics?

    Why would he attack Europe first? It makes no sense, make an example of the US and then threaten the world. Attacking Europe just makes enemies they don't need. Very few groups do that, unless they are totally nuts.

    With force fields, and military equipment of today, why would the US wait for them to reach Washington? Set up forcefields of the important sites around the rebels, and hit them with an fuel-air bomb? One bomb would take out everyone within 2 kilometers, and leaves no deadly residue.

    If you can answer those questions, you'll get my attention. Right now, not a chance.
     
  4. powertodream
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    powertodream Member

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    Set at the end of the 21st century. Following along the trend of the US being...well...let's call them 'invasive' and leave it at that, and a continuing trend of paranoia about national security, they've been in nominal control of Canada over the past twenty/thirty years. It's not the Canadians that are the fanatics; it's the Americans.

    He attacks Europe along with the United States because after the barrier comes down, no one comes to his aid. This pisses him off and as he's not entirely mentally stable, he decides that they all must be attacked.

    The US waits to attack them until they get to Washington because they (Nicholas and the rest) by bringing down the force field, learn how to control that technology and so can set it up around their vulnerable areas (like the cities). The American government thinks that it's best to wait until they're all in Washington and get rid of them all at once.
     
  5. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    There are still problems.

    Canada is behind a forcefield, so its no longer being controlled by the US. Why bring the force field down? Why go to war against an unbeatable foe? They have control of their country again, rebuild the railroads if necessary. Resettle the farms. Us the new knowledge of forcefield technology to guard the borders. The forcefields should give the Canadians a really good device to renew trade with the rest of the world, by threats if nothing else.

    Unless the Canadians are fanatical about revenge, they'd have to have a very good reason to attack Europe, when its not necessary. And most people with a bit of sense wouldn't follow a mentally unstable man on a revenge mission against a neutral country. Against their oppressor in the US certainly, but attacking Europe would be the work of fanatics. It would be like the Palestinians attacking China, because China wasn't complaining enough about Israel.

    This forcefield can it move around? If it can then why would the rebels bring down the forcefield, ever? Just march into Washington, literally pushing everything out of the way, and set up shop. Big moral boost, and a kick in the ass to the US.
    If the forcefield can't be moved, why doesn't the US attack the soldiers as they're moving? Or are the rebels moving secretly and individually? In that case, since the US is a police state they should be able to shut down every road, town and transportation route between Canada and Washington. Pick them off one by one.
     
  6. powertodream
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    powertodream Member

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    No it can't be moved around, and it's Nicholas and his buddies that figure out how to bring it down. The biggest problem with the forcefield is that it's complete - nothing can come in, not supplies...not rain, or anything.

    When planning to bring the force field down, it is Nicholas's original idea to make peace with the United States and be the leader of a peaceful nation. It's when the rest of the world doesn't help him that he grows angry.

    The reason that Canada follows Nicholas is that he was their leader during the six months under the force field; he's the one that rationed food and kept general mayhem from breaking out. That's why they're willing to listen once the forcefield is down.

    The government considers it too much work to pick them off one by one, and so they'd rather do it en masse. You may have a point here, though, and I'm willing to concede a change at the end to killing them before Washington.
     
  7. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    Ok. Now its coming together. It's an interesting idea.

    Just one more important thing. Canada has the most lakes in the world. It's rivers drain south supplying at least a quarter of the US water. The forests act as a CO2 dump almost comparable to the Amazon. Cutting Canada off like that would cause hideous ecological change to the world. Not to mention the shifting wind patterns, as the various wind currents are suddenly blocked by the forcefield.

    You have to consider that.

    And I still don't like the idea of attacking Europe. It just doesn't make sense by any means. They're pissed off at them certainly. Maybe have them develop a plan to attack Europe after dealing with US, and have it fall into foreign hands. But this is a big deal for me.
     
  8. powertodream
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    powertodream Member

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    Okay. The wind/water thing makes sense and I'll look into it in terms of tweaking my novel and what can/can't get through the force field. I know that rain can't, as that's one of their biggest issues, but maybe wind can.

    And just in the interest of being perfectly honest, the reason that Europe comes into it is so that I can introduce Nicholas's counterpart, Arkady Matazov, who's a Russian, and who ends up killing him. And Nicholas's death is important to me.

    And yes, I could make Arkady American, but I don't want to. This whole novel concept started out as Nicholas and his gang being Russian, and I've not wanted to completely eliminate that aspect of it.

    Argh. I just don't know.

    and btw, an actual excerpt from the story is here: http://writingforums.org/showthread.php?t=2085
     
  9. JenniferEva
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    I really like the idea myself. I think as you write you will come up with a lot of questions and hopefully just as many answers.

    I don't have any good input but just wanted to say it sounds like something I'd read!
     

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