1. Soph
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    Soph Member

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    Is this too preachy?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Soph, Jan 27, 2011.

    Nevermind.
     
  2. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    1. you need to insert line breaks where all the indents are lost in posting... it's too hard to read in a solid block...

    2. what are 'the words of steve...'?... if there's a quote in there somewhere, you must put it in " " and be sure it's ok with the author to use it...

    3. i completely disagree with the premise that the world can be saved by everyone doing what they like to do most and i don't doubt that some of the app reviewers at AU would agree with me, so i think you're right in thinking this is not the best kind of thing to use for an admission essay...
     
  3. Steerpike
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    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    I think you jump the shark when you suggest that if Hitler had only kept painting, things would have been different.

    Also, I don't believe you've adequately supported the argument that the violence in the world is the result of abandoned dreams. Again with respect to Hitler you tie the two together, but you don't really present any evidence. The fact that Hitler wasn't a failed painter isn't sufficient to establish that anything he did later is life is a direct consequence of being a failed painter.
     
  4. art
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    art Contributing Member Contributor

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    I love the mad folk me. I lust for life. I live on the edge. Tis the only way. etc

    Ooh, could you just check that for typos, please.

    Sorry, Soph, but I would throw that in the bin. You can write pretty well and you are smart. You can do better.
     

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