1. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    It appears I am to be a mother in law again

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by lessa, May 17, 2008.

    I seem to have blown it with my first daughter in law.
    So I am asking those with MIL's and those who will be having MIL's
    What would make someone a good MIL.
    What would make someone a bad MIL.
    just curious and will take all ideas.
    I truly want to be a good one since that would mean you get to see your
    grandchildren more often.
     
  2. Rumpole40k
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    Rumpole40k Banned

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    Hey Lessa, my wife says a good MIL is encouraging.
     
  3. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    A good mother in law treats the new family member with the same love and respect as her own children. Assume she IS good enough for him.:)
     
  4. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    A good MIL..well, she treats her DIL with respect.
    She includes her in family plans and when planning a major family event.
    She never speaks down to her.
    She never makes lists of her son's favorite likes and all of his dislikes...we can figure it out. :)
    She is supportive, kind and offers genuine hospitality...we know when it's forced.
    She never speaks behind her DIL's back...those private words always find themselves back to the DIL.
    Most of all, a good MIL...will communicate positively with her DIL and keep an open mind to any differences which might come to surface.

    Obviously, I had a bad experience with my MIL...it was quite stressful!...:(
     
  5. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    not being around much... visiting only when invited... not intruding in the couple's life in any way... helping out only when it's really needed and ok with both husband and wife...

    offering advice when not asked for it... deluging the kids with stuff the parents can't afford and/or haven't approved beforehand... going on about what things were like when you were their age and/or when your son/daughter was young... MOVING IN!

    my poor, sweet, too-nice youngest daughter just had the MIL-from-hell move in and is beside herself... i am seriously worried about her being able to cope and whether she and the marriage will survive the onslaught...
     
  6. Neha
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    Neha Beyond Infinity. Contributor

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    the ky to being a good mother-in-law is yous being a good mother to your daughter, and her being a good daughter to er her mother...if you both fill the criteria, you just need to open the lock, explore each-other more, and basically be comfortable with each other. Have fights, get anger, and love each othe like a mother does a daughter, and a daughter a mother. And you'llget along fine.


    Well, at least if I ever do get married then I hope my mother-in-law will be all I want. Waise look who's speaking. Indian MILs and DILs are very famour, for conspiring against each other. In fact my Mom and gramma, never got along....but that's cos they had their own probs.

    You're a wonderful mother Lessa, and I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother-in-law too...


    wow..I got so serious..:p
     
  7. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    My MIL was very encouraging. she encouraged me to leave my husband before and after we were married. If we kept in touch with her she would still be encouraging me to leave him.
    She figured if she told me often enough what a horrible person he was I would leave him and ruin his life.
    Don't want to be that kind of mother in law. (she is definetly the one from hell)
     
  8. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Well reading through these suggestions I can say the only thing I haven't done on the good MIL side is have a good relationship with my daughter. I do not have any.

    The only things I have done on the bade MIL side is offer advice and that was only because it is a health issue.
    You have heard Dom describe himself if he has citric acid. Well we were visiting Ray and Christie and we went to a restaurant and Mia had a glass of orange juice and she went from being the sweetest 2 year old you could ever imagine to being the 2 year old from hell. Within 2 min of drinking the juice. She threw chicken balls across the room and was so angry we left.
    I didn't say anything to Christie but mentioned it to Ray who should have figured it out since he out grew the worst effects. But they ignore it so now I do as well. Except when they are here and I have no citrus in the house.
    As for welcoming her into family events.
    She was pregnant and her mother did not treat her nicely so when Ray got hired at the mines we invited them both to live with us. She was treated as a family member since that is what she was.
    Then Ray was hired out of town and she continued to live here. She went into labour and had to be flown to another city but was terrified of going by herself so I got on the medi vac plane with her (I am terrified of flying and also claustraphobic but got on that little plane) I would not let her go by herself to be met at the other end by her mother.

    So I guess if I continue doing the good mother in law list I may win her over eventually.
    And maybe not have to win over Lisa.
    Wish me luck since I will never do anything that would put a damper on my son's happiness.
    They live with and love their wives and I only have to see the wives a few times every year.
     
  9. Neha
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    Neha Beyond Infinity. Contributor

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    Luck Lessa...Christie has problems so she doesn't try getting along with you.....I'm sure Lisa'll be good...:p
     
  10. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    Just be nice, and treat her how you would like to be treated. She is a very nice woman, and likes me. Since you are like me, just act naturally.
     
  11. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    I do treat everyone like I would like to be treated.
    until they give me a reason to change.
    that reason being hurting someone I like.
    or being a bully.
     
  12. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    You know....some people just are not going to budge, no matter how nice, sweet, encouraging, or respectful you are.

    As long as you are doing your best I would try not to worry. Anyone who is willing to go this far, in am effort to ensure that they are doing their best, has to be a great person....I only wish my ex MIL had been so thoughtful...:)
     
  13. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    I agree with Chimmy. The very fact that you're concerned enough about it to start a thread, shows that in all likelyhood, you care enough that the thread is irrelevant. Ahhhh! The thread has obseleted itself! Confusing! :p
     
  14. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    lol well that is the kind of response I wasn't expecting to see from you Banzai lol

    But seriously lessa, they are both right. You have an amazing heart and seem to care an awful lot about being a wonderful mother in law and to be honest, I think that you will be. I think Dom's partner is ever so lucky to be gaining a mother in law like yourself.

    But from the sounds of things lessa, you already know how to be a most wonderful mother in law already. Just be yourself and don't pretend to be someone you aren't.
     
  15. Kit
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    Kit Contributing Member Contributor

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    I have to agree with the last couple of posts. You seem to be a very caring person and by just being yourself I hope that you can build the relationship you want between the two of you :)

    If you have to try too hard, and you try to be something you're not then it'll show and it'll be worse than just being yourself... if that makes sense.
     

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