1. Ragnar
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    Ragnar Contributing Member

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    Joke Thread

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Ragnar, Jul 15, 2009.

    Two men traveled back in time to see their ancestors with their own eyes. In their search of the surrounding area they came across two villages. These villages were so full of hate for each other that each day they sent out new raids to kidnap and kill people of the other village. One village hated the other for sacrificing animals to the gods, how could the idiots waste sacred food like that, they wondered. Whereas the second village hated the other village because the idiots sacrificed humans.

    Suddenly one of the time travelers, while tearing at his hair in frustration, shouts: "How did civilized life ever come from this!?!?!?"
    The other time traveler, a smile on his face, replies: "It's like a puzzle. Put the pieces together and it all makes sense."

    --------------------------------------------------
    Sorry. Somehow I had to write this. Has been stuck in my head since last night, I mean this morning, before I slept and came back after I woke up.
     
  2. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    I feel really silly, but I dont get it. :redface: It's supposed to be funny, right...?
     
  3. Ragnar
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    Ragnar Contributing Member

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    I think it's funny but I'm not a lowly human after all *laughs evil laugh*
     
  4. Lavarian
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    Lavarian Contributing Member Contributor

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    Yeah, I didn't get it either. I kept reading it over and over, hoping that I missed something obvious. Turns out I didn't?
    And I am very much a lowly human. :)
     
  5. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    I mean, what's the punchline? What's so funny about it?

    And I am a goddess and the ruler of the world, by the way. (Re: The Chatbox.) Lowly human, am I? PAH!
     
  6. Ragnar
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    Ragnar Contributing Member

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    I was just laughing because the two villages' beliefs together would be pretty much up to date. Hatred of all sacrifice whatsoever o_O I thought it was funny but I'm a demon-lover so:rolleyes:
     
  7. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    Ah, so you think it's funny 'cause of the irony. When I hear 'joke' I usually anticipate something like "Two men walk into a bar..."

    I'd like to share some of my own, but they'd probably get me banned. >____> I think, besides knock-knock jokes and the ones that would get me banned, the only one I know is a dumb blonde joke.

    A Russian, an American and a blonde were having a conversation about the Space Race. The Russian said, "We were the first people in space." The American said, "Oh, yeah? Well, we were the first people on the moon!"
    The blonde says, "Yeah, well, we're going to be the first people on the sun!"
    "How?" both the American and Russian ask, perplexed.
    The blonde rolls her eyes and says, "Duh! We're not stupid. We're going to go at night!"

    *Rimshot :rolleyes:
     
  8. Lavarian
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    Lavarian Contributing Member Contributor

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    lol, that's pretty good!

    Two men walked into a bar.

    One ducked.
     
  9. Ragnar
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    Ragnar Contributing Member

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    That's funny ^^
     
  10. Xeno
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    Xeno Mad and Bitey Contributor

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    I read an article on humour the other day, and that's apparently one of the few jokes that is seperately conjured in almost all cultures. :D
     
  11. Lavarian
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    Lavarian Contributing Member Contributor

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    I just remembered. I'm a blonde!

    :glare:
     
  12. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    *cacklecacklecackle!* ;) Ah... Lavarian, at least you're a smart blonde; it doesnt apply. (Of course, if you just remembered that you're blonde... ;) Maybe it does.)
    I used to have what I not so affectionately refer to as blonde 'zebra stripes' in my hair, and everyone said that my outside finally reflected my interior. :rolleyes:
     
  13. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    A policeman on a construction detail saw a panicked-looking blonde running toward him. She started to dodge cars to get to him, so he immediately raised his hand to stop traffic, so she could cross safely.

    "Are you okay, ma'am? What's the problem?" he asked.

    "You've got to help me! I'm locked out of my car, I left the keys on the seat by mistake."

    The officer frowned. That doesn't sound like an emergency. Is your car blocking traffic or creating a hazard?"

    "No, it's parked in the parking lot back there." She started sobbing.

    The officer said, "Well, I can't leave here right now. Go back and wait by your car, and I'll call it in. Somebody should be there within an hour or so."

    The blonde looked even more panicked. "But my twin sister is locked inside!"
     
  14. Ragnar
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    Ragnar Contributing Member

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    *laughs*:D
     
  15. Lavarian
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    Lavarian Contributing Member Contributor

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    LOL! Never heard that one before!
     
  16. Ashleigh
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    Ashleigh Contributing Member Contributor

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    ^ lol.

    Here's one I liked:

    It's christmas eve, and a snail slithers into a bar.

    'Can I have a pint of beer, please?' he asks the barman.

    The barman frowns and says 'I'm sorry, but I can't serve you'

    'Aw, come on! It's christmas!' argues the snail.

    'Look i'm sorry, but the sign says no snails' says the barman, and promptly flicks the little snail out through the open window.

    A whole year passes, and on christmas eve, the same snail walks into the bar again.

    He slithers up to the barman and says:

    'What'd you do that for?!'

    :D
     
  17. savannha
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    savannha Banned

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    OMG that was good.
     
  18. Gallowglass
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    A fine example of the typical Highland sense of humour...

    A woman walks into a shop, and hopes to get through the checkout quickly because she has other things to do than spend her day looking into the trolley of the person next to her for a glimpse of the front page of her favourite magazine. Just an advertisement for Tir nam Blog, and the Leodhas-Berneraigh bridge is flooded again.

    She is dismayed when she hears the checkout girl ask her whether she knows whether the price tag for an item was on the packet, to which she answers 'no.' She leans back, knowing that things will now take longer than expected, only to jump back up when she hears the checkout girl blast out for the whole world to hear: 'price check for tampax supersize.'

    The business-like reply resounds around the shop, the car park, everything: 'do you want the ones you push in yourself, or the type that you have to knock in with a hammer?'

    (this is sort of a really bad attempt of ours at trying to make fun of our Gaelic accents - the person who replied thought that the word was another, but can you guess what?)
     
  19. savannha
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    savannha Banned

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    i have to tell my friend that one.
     
  20. Lavarian
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    Lavarian Contributing Member Contributor

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    Been trying to come up with it but am having a hard time hearing those two words with that accent in my head. What did the second person think they were talking about?
     
  21. savannha
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    savannha Banned

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    That left me speechless:D
     
  22. Cheeno
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    Cheeno Contributing Member

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    What's the most common type of owl in western Europe?

    A...

    ...teet...

    ...owl.

    :)
     
  23. Mercurial
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    Mercurial Contributing Member Contributor

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    *gasp* All I have to say is... ouch! :eek:

    Lavarian, I think the word he was thinking of was "tacks" instead of "Tampax."
     
  24. Xeno
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    Xeno Mad and Bitey Contributor

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    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
    which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
    correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
    review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
    ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
    complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
    recorded (marked with an S) By maintenance engineers.


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.



    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.



    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.



    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.



    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're for.



    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.



    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed .


    And the best one for last..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget
     
  25. Lavarian
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    Lavarian Contributing Member Contributor

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    LMAO, Xeno! Every one of those made me laugh or, at the very least chuckle.
     

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