1. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Ladies, what would woo you?

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by erebh, Mar 2, 2014.

    OK girls, we have a couple who were madly in love but it dwindled over time until she ends up kicking him out saying she never wants to see him again but he won't take no for an answer. He needs to get her back, woo her, remind her why she fell in love with him in the first place, what could he do? What would you want him to do if you were in her position? What he could he possibly keep doing till you finally cave? On the other hand, what should he not do? What would finally nail that coffin shut for you?
     
  2. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh by the way, he hasn't cheated on her or anything like that, she just wants to be free and single again...
     
  3. ChickenFreak
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    ChickenFreak Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'd need more details about this, and about her. How was he making her life worse than the single life than she imagined?

    But my first thought is that he somehow proved to her that he really, truly, genuinely understood what he was doing wrong before, and that he had a wholehearted plan for how to fix it. For example, he was always expecting her to cook him dinner and hop up and get him a beer? He somehow gets her to his new place and serves her a full meal, anticipating her every need and fulfilling it. And he demonstrates that he's been taking cooking lessons.

    If he wasn't doing anything wrong, where "wrong" means not just truly wrong, but counter to what she wanted, then I'm not sure where to start.
     
  4. Duchess-Yukine-Suoh
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    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh Girl #21 Contributor

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    Wait, I need more info.
     
  5. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    background history:

    They lived together a few years, just kinda took each other for granted, when they argued it was hell but make-up rocked the house. He went away to work for a couple of months and she realised while alone that she could live without him, started looking at other guys in a different way, girls too but didn't actually do anything with them - they've both always been faithful. They had a really hard couple of years which is why he had to go away to work. With his new buddies in a new town he got to thinking he could live the single life too but when she hits him with this news it just slams his world and he realises again how much he adores the ground she walks upon - what can he do?
     
  6. Duchess-Yukine-Suoh
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    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh Girl #21 Contributor

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    Not speaking from experience here, but it's just the little things that count, y'know? Make a favorite dinner, back rubs, pay attention, get errands done, etc.

    There was once this boy, who I liked but only a little. One day, he saw me crying and comforted me and after that I knew he was at least a hidden gem and trying was and is worth it.
     
  7. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Is she no longer happy with his performance in the bedroom? Does she want to mess around with others to revive hes sex life? I'm asking this seriously because it is a real cause for separation.
     
  8. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Problem is she doesn't want to see him anymore so he can't get near enough for back rubs etc.

    I mentioned make-up sex was fantastic - when they were together they made love twice or thrice a week, all was well till he had to go away for work. They missed each other like mad at first, always texting, calling but over the 2 months living independent lives again they started to enjoy it and thought what if we were single again, this could be great until she actually went through with it and his heart shattered. Now he has to win her back...
     
  9. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Ages? People that marry at a young age often get that itch to live a single life later in the marriage that they never got to when they were younger. This happened to some good friends or mine from high school. So age is very important to this answer. So is whether they have kids together or not.
     
  10. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    Ok @Lewdog the reasons for the split are kinda unimportant, it was nothing fatal - I'm asking what would woo her back. It could be highly original or cheesey romance like 12 red roses to her office everyday, little parcels from Victoria's Secret, a new car with a big fat ribbon on the roof. Tickets for a Carribean vacation.

    Help me out here guys...
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2014
  11. Duchess-Yukine-Suoh
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    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh Girl #21 Contributor

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    Everything except the Victorias secret.
     
  12. chicagoliz
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    chicagoliz Contributing Member Contributor

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    If I had reached that point, honestly, it would be too late. There wouldn't be anything in particular I'd want him to do. Just doing something until I "finally caved" wouldn't happen. That would be annoying, more than anything.

    The only thing that might even possibly work would be something akin to a complete starting over of the relationship. The re-getting to know each other, the focus on each other, somehow spending time together and reminiscing or working through some sort of common problem. (Such as, maybe they run a business or hobby together, or something with a child together -- something important maybe that they once did and some problem comes up and he needs her assistance in particular?)

    This is a very difficult thing to answer in the abstract, and it's not just as simple as doing something to re-woo her. He'd seriously have to show her he was there for her at the very least, and that's not a sure thing.
     
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  13. 123456789
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    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

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    @erebh ,

    Why are you asking the ladies? They don't know what they want.

    What this hypothetical woman needs is a man. What that means is for her husband (boyfriend) to return back to her with the force of a god. He can beg, cry, demand her return, whatever, but in the end, he is reclaiming her, not the other way around, and he is doing it with animal authority. Think back to Marlon Brando's famous line in Street Car Named Desire, when, after being violent again (for the record something I do NOT EVER condone) he is outside in the rain on his knees shouting "STELLA!" And he wins her back!

    You mentioned three key clues. 1. Sex life was good. 2. They enjoyed living independently. 3. When she leaves him his heart is shattered.

    That force of his heartbreak has to be used to destroy the inherently weaker force of her indifference. Yes, she can do without him when she is without him. Yes, she can look at other guys when he is not around. But when he's there, his presence is overwhelming, his force is inescapable, and once again she can no longer live without him, and not just any guy or girl will do. I'm speaking purely of spiritual force here, something any real man will have (clue 1 suggests he has it), and can use to his advantage if he so chooses. You see it done in Hollywood all the time, and I have personally seen it done in real life.

    Is this for a story?
     
  14. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Sorry when I read this post, the song from the "King and I," just started singing in my head.

     
  15. Lea`Brooks
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    Lea`Brooks Contributing Member Contributor

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    I dated a guy on and off for five years. In our case, he was an awful person who didn't deserve me, but he was intense on wooing me, so I'll give you some of the things he did for me.

    We got in a fight once online. He asked me, "What can I do to make you happy right now?" I told him to send me flowers. He said he wanted to save flowers for an anniversary or a birthday or something. So he drew me a flower (with a smiley face) and emailed it to me. It was cheesy. It wasn't a good drawing. But it was adorable and I never forgot it.

    He lost me because he was selfish. So whenever we'd be on our "off" phases, I knew he wanted to try to start things up again when he started taking an interest in my life. He'd ask me about my day. He'd offer to buy me lunch. He'd offer to go with me somewhere if I said I had errands to run or shopping to do.

    Other things he'd do would be to tell me that no one is good enough for me. I worked in an office with this guy, so I saw him daily and he heard my conversations between me and my friends. And any time I'd tell a friend about something a new guy did wrong, he'd tell me that I'm too good to deal with people like that. I deserve better than that. I'm too beautiful for this guy, or too sweet for that guy. He'd butter me up a lot.

    He'd tell me that he wanted to see me. Just see me. He wouldn't tell me he missed me or loved me. Just that he wanted to see me. And for some reason, those few words would really hit me hard and I'd give in.

    When he got vulnerable with me, I really gave in to him. Because he was cocky, arrogant, the epitome of a tool. He thought he was god's gift to women every where. He didn't believe in settling down because he felt he would be cheating out every other woman. But when he was "with" me, he was with only me. And he was different with me. He'd let down his walls. He had anxiety really bad, and he called me one night and asked me to come over because he was having an attack. So that meant a lot that he felt comfortable enough with me to share that. Or he'd tell me about his insecurities and fears and why he's so afraid to get into a committed relationship. Those moments really made me feel important to him.

    But the main thing he did that would win me over every time was that he wouldn't leave me the f*** alone. He'd text me or call me or email me or Facebook me. Even when I'd tell him to leave me alone, he wouldn't leave me alone. We'd fight, for hours, for days, for weeks, and he still wouldn't leave me alone. Then one day, I'd get so tired of fighting that I'd have a real conversation with him, and it would feel so nice that I'd cave in all over again.


    This guy, though a jerk, knew how to make me feel special. He knew what to say and how to make me feel so that I would go back to him. So if you want your story to be believable, you need to do that to your characters. He can't just bring her flowers or make her dinner. He has to do things that he doesn't normally do for her (like draw her a picture of flowers or let down his walls and show his vulnerability) to make her understand that he cares for her. Generic things are generic. They don't mean anything. They have to be personal and meaningful or no one is going to care about them. ANY guy can buy her dinner or flowers. It's about him KNOWING her and doing things SPECIFICALLY FOR HER to make him win her over.

    Like if the girl gets mad at the guy because he doesn't like to kiss her in public, he needs to pull a 10 Things I Hate About You and sing her a song in front of a bunch of people. If he's super messy and she's super clean, she needs to come home to a super spotlessly clean house. Or if she loves animals but he never wanted any, she needs to come home to a rabbit and a dog AND a cat, that he promises to take care of every day.

    It's the personal stuff that matters. All that material crap is empty.
     
  16. sunsplash
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    sunsplash Bona fide beach bum

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    It would depend on her personality. I for one do not like cut flowers and when given to me it shows that a person doesn't know me well at all, despite the attempted kind gesture. In fact, I'm not won over with gifts. I grew up with some people who thought buying love was the only way or others who felt that giving a gift meant they were due something in return. For me, actions and words are what soften me.

    If she's a do-gooder, he might sign up to volunteer where she does without making a show of it, committing to something she cares about...you know, a selfless act. If she's into music, a shout out on the radio followed by her favorite song, or 'their' song, when he knows she's driving to work. Then there's the power of the written word...daily love letters or a poem. If there must be a gift, something handmade, a scrapbook, or a trinket that induces a fond memory from long ago.

    I'd be careful not to be too over the top because a person no longer interested might feel smothered or creeped out. He needs to come across as genuine, not stalker-ish, pathetic, and/or needy. Or is that the kind of 'man' that sells? I'm the least romantic person I know so take what I suggested with a grain of salt!
     
  17. PurpleZombieAttack
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    PurpleZombieAttack New Member

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    I'll have to say that if it's gotten to the point where it has, then it probably isn't actually worth saving. Sometimes things should just be allowed to end and people need to move on. Even if he does manage to get her back, the fact that the relationship ended with her kicking him out in the first place is reason enough to seriously consider whether it could actually work out in the long-run or if the relationship is dead anyway.

    Since I know that isn't what you want to hear, I'll give another- also factual- side of it: Humans form attachments and it's difficult for them to let go once a relationship is severed, no matter what happened. This goes both ways, so it's likely that she'd miss him and sort of want him back. So he can take advantage of that. Lea and sunsplash had some pretty solid advice that can work in conjunction with that fact; he should think of things he knows she'd appreciate and use that knowledge to do little, adorably sentimental things for her. It won't necessarily work with everyone, but he may as well give it a shot, right?

    It's just also important to remember that, if it fails, he should learn to move on. Even as relationships end, no matter how devastating they seem, life does go on afterward and may even get better. I know of people who have gone through horrible, seemingly soul-crushing breakups and ended up happier than they ever were during those old relationships afterwards. It just takes time, resilience and a little extra support from the others around you.
     
  18. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Have him file a restraing order against her, and she'll get jealous, and want him back because she can't have him. :D
     
  19. Garball
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    Garball Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand. Supporter Contributor

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    upload_2014-3-1_21-19-7.jpeg
     
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  20. erebh
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    erebh Contributing Member Contributor

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    I don't geddit...
     
  21. Lewdog
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    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    It's a penis pump. I guess it is a U.S. thing because of our genetic short givings. :oops:

    Edit: It's a Louisiana genetic short givings.
     
  22. Lea`Brooks
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    Lea`Brooks Contributing Member Contributor

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    I would suggest changing this. Have you seen the last season of The Office?

    In the last season (or two, I can't remember which) Jim takes a job outside of the "office" and is forced to commute to work. Sometimes, he stays away a long time so he doesn't see his wife Pam very often. After a while of this, the distance starts to strain their relationship. Pam starts flirting with another man, hinting that she might step-out of her marriage. Jim becomes more focused on his job and starts missing out on important family events. They almost split up, going to couples therapy to work things out. But even the therapy wasn't working, causing them only to fight more. I don't remember exactly what happens.. But they end up realizing that they love each other and don't want to lose each other, and Jim quits his job and goes back to the office to be closer to his wife.

    I really think you should do something like this instead of what you planned on. The distance should pull them apart because it's too stressful, not because they enjoy being single. They should try everything to make it work, but it only becomes too hard. Then finally, the woman decides that she's tired of trying, it's too hard, it's too much work, so she wants to break up. It's this break-up that makes the man realize how much he loves her and how he doesn't want to lose her. But the woman is skeptical, thinking that nothing will change, he's too dedicated to his job, this and that. But he either quits his job or gets relocated back to her and spends his days trying to win her back over.

    If you make them split up because they enjoy their independence, it would be too hard to win her over. When a woman is ready to be single, she's ready to be single, no matter how much she loves someone. But if they're just having problems and think it'll never change, that becomes easier to fix.


    Good luck!
     
  23. jazzabel
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    jazzabel Contributing Member Contributor

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    I was in that situation, and there was nothing he could do. Having said that, different circumstances made me stay in that relationship for several years after the first time I kicked him out, and he thought that things he's done 'worked' but in reality I had completely different reasons for going back to him and as soon as I was strong enough again, it ended.

    So realistically, you can give her some drama. She can get assaulted or near-assaulted on a date, that can make her go back to him. Or they can have money issues, or kids, or some kind of family problems, which will make it easier for him to convince her to stay for the time being. But she is unlikely to be happy and content, even though she can try to pretend.
     
  24. Mackers
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    Mackers Contributing Member

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    Erebh are you referring to your own situation in the third person? :D
     
  25. Duchess-Yukine-Suoh
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    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh Girl #21 Contributor

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    That's what I thought too!
     

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