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  1. Raven
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    Raven Banned

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    Lads and Girls Thread.

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Raven, Apr 3, 2007.

    Ok Guys and Girls we all have problems with the opposite sex or same. So if you have an issue you wish to discuss this is the place to ask. In this thread we can ask advice in anything to do with Romance Or over issues that you're a little worrid about or just some dating tips etc.

    Now, to avoid this topic from devolving into a juvenile rant forum and to help keep it as a resource for people with something worthwhile to post lets all agree to a few rules here.

    1. Keep to the topic Nothing gets old faster and dilutes the purpose of this topic more than these asides about non-issues. This is basically what killed the old thread, so keep on subject OK?

    2. Blatant 'flame' posts will be deleted I'll be the Mod for this topic and I think I'm pretty fair, but I'll simply delete blatantly abusive posts to keep this thread 'helpful' to all. We all get pretty impassioned about what we believe in these regards, just think before you type.

    3. Open to all One thing that drove off posters (especially females) from this thread before was the notion that it was 'for guys, about girls'. To be honest I think the discussion got more than a little 'inbred' because of this and the sparse participation of the female perspective. I am herby encouraging female participation in the thread to broaden the veiw.

    4. People can be wrong 90% of the posts from the old threads were from 14 to 18 year old males. Obviously this makes for a great lack of experience in male/female relations, and therefore accounts for a certain amount of naivete in ideals. Older posters should always take this into consideration before you post. On the reverse side of this, younger posters need to also understand that at 15 they too are subject to a great deal of 'mis/disinformation'. Therefore don't be so quick to disregard the advice of the older posters here. Keep an open mind.

    5. Relate what you experience One of the strengths of the old thread was the 'field reports' certain members would check in with on a weekly basis. This is an excellent way to learn from each other and ought to be encouraged. If you have a problem, if you have a question, if you have a rant about what you're experiencing with regards to guys or girls (or family matters too BTW) post it here for advice or maybe just clarification or a new perspective that you may not have thought about otherwise.

    6. This isn't therapy No one to my knowledge on 40KO has their doctorate in psychology, so take this advice for what it is, 'advice'. No one is telling you what to do - you need to decide that for yourself with regards to your own set of circumstances. This isn't group therapy or some kind of 'cry session'. Everything offered here should be positive and intended to build others up, not tear them down. However, be aware that some instances might require a good 'kick in the ass' to make a positive point.

    So there you have it - Lets get this topic underway. Guys and Girls post your ideas.
     
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  2. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    ................
     
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  3. Gannon
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    Gannon Contributing Member Contributor

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    I would advise that you are on time, offer but not insist to pay half, dress well but nothing too extreme either way and mostly to be yourself. Pretty lame advise really.
     
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  4. Heather Louise
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    Heather Louise Contributing Member Contributor

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    go for it. all i can say is smile alot, dress to impress (not blind, lol) and act normal. remember that if you start making up little white lies about yourself (maybe to make yourself more interesting etc) you will have to keep them up form then on.

    i know it sounds like daft advice but i learnt that the hard way, lol.
    hope this helps,
    Heather
     
  5. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    Just in case the guy has no plans for the evening, other than a meal, make sure you have a possible activity. Even if its just a movie.
    If he has half a brain he'll have something more than just dinner planned, but you never know.
     
  6. Roxie
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    Roxie Active Member

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    Go for it, be yourself and wear something that you feel comfortable in. The last thing you want to do is pull, tug at your outfit to the point of making yourself fidgit.

    Bonne Chance!
     
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  7. wordwizard
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    wordwizard Contributing Member

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    I think you should go and have some fun. Forget about how to act and when to be witty-just make some fun out of it. Don't analyse if he is going to be "the one" just try to enjoy yourself. If you put to much pressure on the date then it is going to end up feeling akward. If you are extra nervous then I advise that you think of some funny stories to keep the flow of conversation going, or even some interesting questions that you would like to find out about him/her! and hey... get your flirt on if you like the guy/girl. lol Have a good time!
     
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  8. Alice in Wonderland
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    Alice in Wonderland Contributing Member

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    Torana, Just be yourself! If he doesn;t like you for who you are then there is no point for a second date. That's all I can think of as I've nver actually been out on a date... xD
     
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  9. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    ................
     
  10. ItalianStallion
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    ItalianStallion Senior Member

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    well.......what do you do when you have been in a bad relationship already and you want to try to be with someone but your telling yourself it;s just gonna end up like the last one?......"confused heart"

    Nate
     
  11. wordwizard
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    wordwizard Contributing Member

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    Thats a tough question because no matter what I say I cannot change how you think and feel. The only advice I can give you is that be comfortable with yourself and have a sense of self worth. Know that you are worth finding the right person -no matter what heart break may come your way. Don't let hurt change who you are. Just know that it is worth all the crap you have to go through to find the right one. At some point you are going to have to let go of your reserves and just let someone else in to your life. Odds are you are going to be hurt again. and again. and again. But does that mean you bunk out and stop enjoying life? There are not many perks in life and i do believe finding someone you like(even if its just for a little while) is one of those perks. Just have some fun-Good luck
     
  12. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    It is hard when you have been hurt before in a relationship, but the beauty of a new relationship is that it is a new beginning. Yeah it could turn out just like the last one, but you don't know if you don't give it a go. I mean it may just turn out to be the best relationship you have been in too.
    All you can do is take it one step at a time and if you do get into another reationship just take it slowly. Don't rush into anything if you aren't ready for it.
    But remember to have fun at the same time.
     
  13. Evelyn
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    Evelyn Senior Member

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    Quick, dirty, and trite (but perhaps maybe helpful):

    It's better to be on your own than to be with the wrong person.
    And it's better to be with the right person, when and if there is a right person, than to be on your own.
     
  14. Roxie
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    Roxie Active Member

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    Nate the only advice I can give you is try, try and try again. Everybody is unique. Give yourself and this new "flame" a chance. The past doesn't always repeat itself!
     
  15. SeaBreeze
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    SeaBreeze Banned

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    Do you know if this person wants to be with you as well? have they said something? Maybe, if they have, tell them that you want to take it steady. But try and make sure that you, in yourself, are ready for a relationship. Ask yourself if you are strong enough to risk it. I had a bad relationship too and had the same fears. I wasn't confidant but I figured 'stuff it!' and told him what happened. He understood and was supportive. People will and can surprise you. Give it a shot! Take a chance! and take a deep breath and jump!
    I hope this works out for you! :D

    ~DB
     
  16. Night Haunter
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    Night Haunter Banned

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    What do you do when your in a relationship but also love another woman.

    I love my girl friend loads but I also love another the same I haven't done anything yet with this other girl but I want to she is the same age as me and loves the same stuff as me we hang out all the time my girl friend knows Im friends with this girl but I'm really stuck because I really do love them both as equally as the other.

    Any advice.
     
  17. Frost
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    Frost Contributing Member

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    Your rooted.
    Your going to destroy one of them either way.
    Pick the one who will do least damage(though, it won't make to much difference).

    Avoid these situations in the future, or avoid being in a relationship when they arise.
     
  18. Night Haunter
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    Night Haunter Banned

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    Well on a fair factor I haven't cheated and will really try not to but When I,m not with either I miss them. Its really screwing my brain inside out but I really am at a loss.
     
  19. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    the thing is that either way you are going to hurt someone and in the process hurt yourself. There is no easy thing to do here, all you can do is what you think is right in your heart. Love is never easy and the only advice I can give you is to take some time away, a few days preferrably, by yourself and just do a lot of thinking.
    You have to find the answer within yourself as to know what to do in a situation like this. Just listen to your heart and eventually you will know what the right thing to do is, it will take time, but will be worth it in the long run.
    It isn't going to be easy and whatever decision you make, someone will get hurt, that is the hardest part about love, the hurt that generally follows. Just make sure that whatever decision you make, you have thought hard about and it may not be the right decision in the end, but you have to do what you think in your heart is the right thing to do.

    Well it isn't really good advice, but yeah just take time out and soul search for a bit, sometimes it helps.

    ~Torana
     
  20. AshNight
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    AshNight Member

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    What happens when you can't let someone go? You know that they don't feel the same way as you and never would but you can't let those old feelings die and you keep hoping maybe, just maybe, they'll realize how much you care for them.
     
  21. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    Unfortunately we can not forget about or stop caring about every person we care for in our lives. When there is someone that you still care deeply for and cannot forget and can't stop caring about them, but know that nothing can happen there for what ever reason, you have to tell yourself over and over that nothing is going to happen, you have to accept that you will not be with that person, but it doesn't mean you can't care about that person.
    Feelings you can't shut off over night, well you can't shut off at all, it just takes time to learn to cope with those feeligns and live with them each and every day. Sorry I can't tell you that they will go away or that I know how to stop anyone from having those feelings. I mean I still have feelings for a guy that I went out with 6 years ago now, but it is because of the good times we had together. But if anyone has any miracle cure for getting rid of those feelings let me know.
    But eventually it does get easier, it all just takes time.

    ~Torana
     
  22. daisydaisy
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    daisydaisy Member

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    Ok, I'll bite...

    A year or so ago, I was 'seeing' this guy, who I really really liked, BUT he was involved with someone else, so he finished our friendship, and we didn't even speak again...then I got a text message off him just after new year, which I ignored. He text me again a few weeks later, and we had a text discussion which basically involved him telling me that it was over with him and his ex, and he was sorry for what happened before, but he missed my friendship and could we talk. I was a bit angry, so I said no, it wouldn't work. Some time has passed (obviously), and I can't stop wondering. I text him a couple of weeks ago, asking if he still wanted to chat, but he has not responded at all. Now, I think I'm glad he didn't, because I see now that it would have been the wrong thing to do, but I'm also worried that I've pissed him off, after we'd just settled our feelings for each other again. So... well, not sure what advice I'm asking really, but do you guys think I've been unfair? Should I have met up with him in the first place, or am I best to forget the whole thing and move on?
     
  23. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    no not at all i think you have definately done the right thing. Sometimes it is hard to stand up for yourself like that, but you have and you have just shown him that you aren't going to walk all over him.
    You should be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself.
    Basically you have said that he was cheating and my opinion on cheaters is "once a cheater always a cheater", sorry if that offends anyone here. But that is just my opinion.
    Look if you hear from him again, great...but don't lose any sleep over it, if he cares he will no hold anything against you. If you care deeply enough for someone, most things can be forgiven.
    But I honestly don't think that you have been unfair what so ever. The ball is in his court now, if he is still interested he will be in touch, if not then he wasn't worth it in the end and you made the right decision.

    ~Torana
     
  24. daisydaisy
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    daisydaisy Member

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    Thank you Torana, that's what I thought, but I needed to hear it, I guess! I still think of him often, but you can't turn back time, can you?? Haha!
     
  25. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    hey if you ever work out how to turn back time let me know ok :D:D
    But yeah sometimes we actually know the answers to things, just need someone to come out and say it to us, or even show us what is going on.

    ~Torana
     
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