Lads and Girls Thread.

Always.

 

Love is not blind. Love sees under a different light. A scar is not a fault, it is a reminder of a moment in time. A line is not age, it is where a smile has often touched.

Light shows us surfaces, but love lets us see deeper within.

 

I'm here to make something of a confession...I've been giving my girl...the most awesome girl on this planet, so much **** over the past two months.
Man, I feel guilty as hell. All she wants is to be with me, and to love me...and I've been acting like this giant turd, this mega prick who just keeps blowing her off.

I feel like so much **** right now...great girls like her shouldnt have to face assholes like me...god I hate myself at times

 

Maybe we aren't the ones you should be saying this to.

Do you have any idea why you have been doing this? Whom are you punishing, her or yourself?

 

I need just a little advice. I can't give all the information on the situation because it's personal. Okay... I was with this guy. He's very much in love with me, and I really do like him a lot. I'm to the point where I just want to be with him almost all the time. We broke up about two weeks ago, though. It was for reasons that... Well, I did something horrible to him, and after I realized that it wasn't fair for me to ask him to stay... I gave him all the reasons to leave. I laid them out on the table... He still wanted to stay. But then... His grandfather died. He just started taking out his anger on me, and finally he just broke it off...

But now, the circumstances that caused me to feel it was unfair for him to be with me have changed...completely. I know that I need to give him some time, but... I want to give us another chance. How do I go about asking him?

 

That couldn't have been said better. Whenever I get into my bad boy mood (which is quite often), I usually end up hating my own living being...not exactly the best feeling in the world.

I've already apologized to her...so many times. She understands too, that sometimes I just...act like a prick...but I still feel bad bout giving her all the ****. Like you said, you have to like the person under your skin, and I certainly don't like that person after giving her all that. She doesnt even try and fight. She just hears me out.

Baywriter...if you've done something horrible that involves lying or cheating on him, then I don't think you could ever get back with him. Any guy with even half a spine won't take that. A guy with a lotta spine might've ended up doing something really crazy, especially if it was a girl he loved.

That said, if its nothing of that order, then I guess the best way to go about doing it is to simply talk to him about it. Tell him that the situation has changed, and things can be back to where they were. He lost his grandfather, so he could definitely use the support. Be a friend to him, and talk...that always works.

 

It doesn't take spine to take an unforgiving stand. I think it takes more spine to look past that, to ask yourself if you contributed to her actions.

I'm speaking from prtsonal experience in this. My wife cheated on me after seven years of marriage. I was hurt, and very angry. But I also realized I had pushed her away for a long time. It doesn't excuse her decision, but it meant we both had contributed a great deal to the wreck that was our marriage.

There's not really a happy ending to this. Three years of therapy, some together but mostly individual, was not enough to save the marriage. It did, however, provide me with a lot of insight into my own way of handling relationships, which has prevented me from repeating the same pattern.

Maybe I wouldn't have tried so hard to make it work if we didn't have two children. Or maybe I would have anyway - I can be very stubborn and do not like to surrender.

I would not stand quietly if anyone had called me spineless for my decision to forgive the act. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

 

What about sending him a card? An apology card may be best, but include a very concise note saying you'd like to talk things over at some point.

Don't try to make your case in the note. Keep it simple, and give him the chance to make the next move, if he decides to do so.

And then step back. Don't call, or keep trying to contact him. Don't try to accidentally cross paths with him.

He might never respond. But if you push, you will only feed the anger and resentment he is feeling and directing at you.

Anyway, that's my take on it, without knowing either of you or the details of your situation. I wish you luck.

 

Hmmm I think Cogito has pretty much said it. Without knowing the circumstances this is a little harder to offer what is right.

But what I will say is don't give up remember if he's lost someone close to him then he will be vunerable however if you hurt him that might force the situation to take time and you will need to use a great deal of patience.

I too wish you luck.






~Raven.

 

Just phone up and act like nothing ever happened between you, go for a coffee and avoid any heavy conversations until you are back into a comfort zone with him. You have to find out what he's thinking first, so draw him out and see if he moves. That's be my advice.

 

ok, i have a little problem and was wondering if anyone could offer any help.

for the past few weeks me and some of my friends (who are all 14) have been meeting some boys and going out with them on a night. we ahve been to a music concert thing, ice skating, the beach and my town with them. they are all lovely, and this one in particular, Nick, is amazing. we talk for hours, on MSN, on the phone or in person when we can (we lives like half an hour away so we only meet at weekends). recently he asked me out and i said yes, so now we are dating, which i am really excited about. the problem is . . . he i nearly 17. now for me, that isn't a problem as such, his or my age never comes into the equation and there has never been anything to make his age bother me. but my parents do not share my opinions. they knew i have been going out with them on a night and that they are nearly 17/ the others are 17, and they say that is ok. but they said if i ever started dating one of them then i will be grounded forever. i haven't told them that i am seeing Nick, and i don't know if i should as i really like im and don't want them saying i can't see him anymore.
i don't want people saying about the "he is tpoo old for you" btw, i know you mean well in sayng it,a s do my parents, but i know what i am doing and if anything were to happen that i didn't want to i would be firm in saying "no". that isn't the problem. what i would like to know is how to deal with my parents. i was thinking that i shouldn't tell them until i have been seeing him for a long while, if that happens, as there is no point getting them worked up, but i don't like lying to them about it. if anyone has any suggesyions then they would be greatly appreciated.
thanks,
Heather

[btw] i know i have blagged for a while but i just needed to talk about it for a little while.

 

heather I know what it is like ok, but not telling your parents is in my opinion not the right way of going about it. I know how much it can hurt when your parents say no, but think of it from their side of things, this guy they dont' know and 17 year old boys are (sorry guys) full of hormones and that is all your parents are going to be thinking about.
Maybe you could get him to go to your house and meet your parents and all sit down and have a little chat to each other and try and talk about it without getting angry at each other and raising voices.
I am sure that if you approach them like responsible teenagers then they will listen to what you have to say and you may be able to come to an outcome where you are all happy.

Just be careful going behind their backs though, for if they find out then a lot of problems can arise and from the sounds of things that is what you are trying to avoid. Just approach them and ask them if the foru of you can talk about it together.

Other than that I don't know what you could do.

Hope it helps

~Torana

 

thanks a lot, i was thinking of doing something similar to that but leaving it a few months first. i mean i don't want to be making all of this effort with it and getting my parents all worked up if me and Nick split up only days later, you know what i mean. but thanks, i might try it if me and Nick get serious
Heather

 

No problems heather and I do hope things work out with you and Nick and your parents.

~Torana

 

I think that going behind their backs would be the worst solution. When they find out, and I don't mean "if", it will result in a chasm of broken trust much wider than this one issue.

I don't think your parents would be good parents if they did not object about that kind of age difference. On the other hand, I also recognize the importance of the parent being flexible and listening when their son or daughter discusses the matter in a calm, well-prepared manner. I've been in the situation of your parents, and the best possible outcome would be a compromise with strict ground rules. They would be expecting a lot from you, especially that you be very open with them and make mature choices.

If they stand firm, I cannot in good conscience recommend that you defy them. Respect the fact that they lived through ages 14 and 17, and may have experiences that they will do anything to help you avoid. Even if those experiences have nothing to do with the relationship between you and Nick.

This is probably not what you want to hear. Sorry...

 

lol, yeah not brilliant to heart but probably true. i don't know, i am meeting him tonight actaully, we are going iceskating. my mam knows i am meeting him but not that i am dating him. i might see how i feel when i get home, if i want them to know or not. thanks for the help though
Heather

 

well, i told my mam about Nick and she thinks it's ok. she said that aslong as i am careful and that, then it is ok 'cos she trusts me and thinks i'm responsible. she's also promised not to tell my dad as he said "if you ever see one of thoses boys then you'll be grounded forever!" lol. thnks for the advice guys
Heather

 

Glad it is working out for you.

 

Yeah. Definitely good that things are working. And if he really is a nice guy, then the age difference shouldn't be too much of a problem. Just be careful. That's all I can say. When I was thirteen, I was involved with a guy who was nineteen. Ended in disaster, utter chaos. He messed me up big time. I'm not saying that the same thing will happen. It may not, and I hope that it doesn't. Just watch yourself.

 

thanks Bay and Cogito, and i know to be careful.
Heather

 

heather that is great news that things are working out for you now.

 

I need a bit of help:

See, I met this extremely great woman over the net a few months ago. Now, we're boyfriend and girlfriend with one huge problem: we live on completely opposite ends of the U.S.

A few days ago, I came up with the "crazy" idea of getting a job, and saving up all the money I make for about 6 months, then running away down where she lived so I could be with her.

She think's it's insane, I don't. I want to be with her so badly, but she doesn't think it's worth it. I guess I want to know what you guys think: should I dare attempt it, or not?

 

Have you ever lived on your own? I think that would have to be a prerequisite for such a huge step. As sure as you are about your relationship with this woman, your relationship has been a long distance one. In close proximity, it will be a different relationship, and you do =not want to be in a situations where you are dependent on her (or vice versa for that matter).

As difficult as it sounds, I would recommend taking your time. You have plenty of that! Believe me, I do know the frustrations of a long distance relationship, but there is nothing worse than being trapped in a relationship that seemed perfect at the start.

 

Maybe so. But it just kills me. I mean...it's not that I don't trust her. I trust her with my life. But for all I know, she could be seeing some other guy behind my back, and in my current situation, I would be powerless to do anything to win her back.

I don't know. I'm just so afraid something will happen, and I'll lose her. And my fear is causing me to think things that are irrational.

 

That kind of thinking will guarantee that you lose her. If you do not trust her, and I mean completely, you have no business whatsoever even considering such a move!