Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. BrianIff
    Offline

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,294
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    Canada

    Let it all hang out VS. "The interview" or somewhere in between?

    Discussion in 'Debate Room' started by BrianIff, Nov 14, 2015.

    So anyways, recently thought maybe I could have made a better impression in the dating world, but was thinking it's better to be upfront about who I am or what I'm thinking rather than making the winning the impression -- something that I avoid since I might be too good at it, and then it turns out being shown to be a ploy or fabrication. I wouldn't have been lying or deceptive if I did otherwise, but was thinking it's best to speak frankly. Not really looking for a debate, but things might turn into one. What are peoples' thoughts about presenting themselves to someone they want to date?
     
  2. Mumble Bee
    Offline

    Mumble Bee The writer formerly known as Chained. Contributor

    Joined:
    May 18, 2015
    Messages:
    795
    Likes Received:
    1,309
    Here's the plan, you do the whole 'winning impression' thing. Don't go easy on it either, really get them all high up in the air on how ideal you are, then, right when they couldn't be any more in love, drop them. Once they're damaged, distrustful, and defenseless, i'll swoop in with the whole honesty thing and hope their standards are low enough.

    Or we could switch it around (you'd have to give me some tips on being ideal).

    The point is, who you 'appear' to be doesn't really have as much of an effect on dating as you'd think, outside circumstances play a huge factor. Basically don't be a huge jerk, be sorta-kinda-interesting, and if they're available in life, chances are you'll be about to see if there's something there. Anything you do at the beginning to try and manipulate someone else just starts a trend of dishonesty, and that trend tends to tread only so much water.
     
    BrianIff likes this.
  3. BrianIff
    Offline

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,294
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    :) Not saying that I can make 'em swoon, especially through text (it was online), but I could've been very seamless. People want openness and honesty in a partner. Problem with me is I'll give them that off the bat. I'm more concerned about how open people are when they first meet someone romantically, myself being a bit rusty. I can see that it all depends on your crowd, age, etc., but yeah, I'll be your wingman, bud :D
     
    Mumble Bee likes this.
  4. Carly Berg
    Offline

    Carly Berg Contributing Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    483
    Likes Received:
    213
    Location:
    just around the corner
    I'm an old married bat but I think the first thing you want to do is not tell them your philosophy on life or anything like that simply because it's no fun. It's too early for that imo. I'd go for keeping it more social and light than that at first, be friendly and chatty, show an interest in them. Be fun.

    Too serious or seeming too intensely focused on finding a partner or relationship would scare me off. I wouldn't want the responsibility or to feel like I'm being interviewed for a job. If I'm even making sense, and of course this is only my opinion. But if I'm reading what you're saying right, I'd say no, don't think of it as "honest vs. dishonest," but "light vs. heavy" and definitely keep it light. Also, do put your best foot forward. That's not a lie, it's what everyone does and expects.

    In other words, try to get a date, not a life partner. It's not unusual to really fall for someone who does not fit our preconceived mental list at all. Too much weeding out up front or too intense match-making focus up front can lose that chance. When I was out there, I'd be so much quicker to say yes to a fun time out than a heavy match-making effort. Then let it develop naturally or not as it will. If this is any help at all... In any case, good luck!
     
    BrianIff likes this.
  5. BrianIff
    Offline

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,294
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    Very well said! With me I was maybe too focused on expectations in real life for what we'd expect if it got there -- not exactly smooth; I was thinking too much about the practical side too early.
     
  6. Bookster
    Offline

    Bookster Banned

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2015
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    71
    Location:
    Right between the eyes
    Have fun and be anybody you want to be. If the 'real you' scares her off later, well, it would have done so at the first too, so you've had the time together in between.
     
  7. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    Is there not an Emo type of dating-site, Brian? When I picture that receding spiky orange hair, your eye-liner I am mostly aroused - a paternal kind of way, you know, buddy.

    Surely, tribes of young ladies would think similarly, chase your tail in no time at all. Grease the mohawk, eh, come on, boyo, chin up. Would you like to borrow this profile pic of mine? Perhaps thinking you should use a new profile pic, hold your bass guitar, discreetly placed, I've seen it done, very amusing in socks, or more simply L'Etranger placed over shoulder as your favourite book? Utilise cheekbones and eyes to seduce. I think so, all good advice, going forward.

    Often down the farm I assist Bluto with his sweetheart search-online. Bluto, probably the ugliest man ever born: huge, fat, hairy Bluto, racist, foul-mouthed simpleton. He bedded Hefty - as we, well, he called her, not her real name, also Bluto possesses a string of ladies in their bikinis on his mobile, top drawer settings - at lunch-time I help him, always say the right things. That could be you. You know, if Bluto can do it? Maybe you should pull socks right up to that wobbly chin of yours eh? Like I said gothic all the way. [BIT KNUCKLE-CLOSE, I really like Bluto, wouldn't like to offend]

    A friend
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2015
    123456789 and BrianIff like this.
  8. BrianIff
    Offline

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,294
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    I have just arisen following a lurid night of binge-searching. Will update later, out of my league. (;

    By the way, tell Bluto to play more Blotto: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blotto_games
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2015
  9. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    upload_2015-11-15_11-7-1.jpeg

    Name: Brian Ontario
    Likes: Sunset, folk guitar, wildlife
    Dislikes: Hunger, poverty, unattended cell-phone nuisance in library.
    Pastimes: D&D, manga, animation, cosplay, arithmetic.
     
    123456789 and BrianIff like this.
  10. BrianIff
    Offline

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,294
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    Yeah, I shouldn't be trying to explain that I've been like the guy in the tub in this video lately:

     
  11. KaTrian
    Offline

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    5,566
    Likes Received:
    3,563
    Location:
    The Great Swamp
    You don't let it all hang out, no. You'll take your crazies, stuff them in a box, lock it, and over time, let one crazy out at a time (or half a crazy). You have to gauge the other person carefully and tactfully. Probing questions to find out if she'll freak out because you like guns or if he'll think you're stupid 'cause you're a fan of Disney cartoons. On your first date, you're like your Facebook page; a little too good to be true, but she'll know this (unless she's super naive and impressionable) 'cause it's part of the game, really.

    People always say you should be upfront about shit, but when you are, it's suddenly not so fun, is it? (I was one of those people, yikes). Sure, it might work with some people, but I think there's a discernable line between being a fake/poser and a tactful person, and when I met my now-husband, we were both pretty adept at drawing that line. Sure, there were a few things that came up later we wished had come up sooner and a few things I shouldn't have blurted out so early (but I'm a girl, I get a pass. You might not, sorry :( But that's kind of how the cookie crumbles, in my experience anyway: girls will judge you more harshly). So you keep in your impending judgmental comment/fart/racist joke/opinion on world economics and stick to behavior and topics considered more pleasant and less flammable. Once you know the other person better, you can lower your guard and act more freely around her. And again, this isn't about presenting a fake you, just sort of... scraping the stains off and looking more presentable. Like applying deodorant even if you were proud of your natural pit sweat because you want to be considerate towards the fellow man/woman.
     
    BrianIff likes this.
  12. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    You need to work at it, and be more like these guys, like me.

    [a BIT RUDE VIDEO, sorry]

     
  13. BrianIff
    Offline

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,294
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    Thanks, your post makes a lot of sense. Especially the 'yikes' in this part makes me relive some of my other faux pas. "Dafuq was I thinking??" :)
     
    KaTrian likes this.
  14. BrianIff
    Offline

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,294
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    Um, yeah, Mat obviously didn't put it all on the table when he met his wife.
     
    123456789 likes this.
  15. matwoolf
    Offline

    matwoolf Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    2,240
    Location:
    Brighton Heights
    Well, you started video exchange...I was only trying to 'keep up,' y'know. Otherwise you gets, receives Mamas & Papas viral, or the ELO. [sulk till midday]
     
    BrianIff likes this.
  16. KaTrian
    Offline

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    5,566
    Likes Received:
    3,563
    Location:
    The Great Swamp
    Haha, I know. :) It might even be worse for guys, really. I mean, the manix pixie girl is cute and sexy, right? But what happens to the manic pixie boy? He gets reported to the police, that's what.
     
    BrianIff likes this.
  17. BrianIff
    Offline

    BrianIff I'm so piano, a bad punctuator. Contributor

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2015
    Messages:
    1,294
    Likes Received:
    433
    Location:
    Canada
    It's okay, I would likely have a mancrush, too, if mine were bigger.

    WIN_20151115_064516 (2).JPG
     
    matwoolf likes this.
  18. 123456789
    Offline

    123456789 Contributing Member Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Messages:
    6,347
    Likes Received:
    3,092
    I think you should be like Matwoolf. I would totally go for him if I were a girl, assuming he was also tall and rich, focused entirely on me, and didn't act like himself at all.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page