Log lines

Discussion in 'Marketing' started by GuardianWynn, Aug 3, 2015.

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  1. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    The trick is when are you revealing too much? lol.

    I was trying to reference how the end requires her to sort of abandon revenge to protect others. Which might make some mad because she still kind of gets her revenge. Kind of. As in she kills the bad guy but she does so in more of a self defense way and didn't realy enjoy doing it. Some argue since she killed the bad guy she didn't really abandon her quest for revenge. lol.

    Thinking about it. Is it even worth mentioning how she has this choice to make?
     
  2. Aaron DC

    Aaron DC Contributor Contributor

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    The blurb is meant to entice people to read the first page or buy it.

    None of the blurb examples in this thread have given away too much. The revenge vs protect concepts are ubiquitous -- they don't give away anything really.

    "Getting home in time" is not interesting at all.

    If I were you, struggling as you are, I would go to a bookshop, and read the blurbs on the backs of 100 books.

    And then try to write your own again.
     
  3. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    I have actually done that. Okay not 100 books but well. So many don't even have that. A lot just have reviews saying like "Fantastic read says so and so" lol

    Then again. I am not sure if I am trying to perfect the blurb. My real goal. Is for when you tell someone your a writer and they ask that all too familiar question

    "So what is it about?"

    I want a more standard and better anwser to that. lol. Aw man those moments when you feel like a failure. :cry:
     
  4. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributor Contributor

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    My problem with this is...if the Tarvoss Assassins are so famous, why is Jackie the only one who can protect them against these powerful people? Wouldn't these powerful people be more inclined to either hire, or keep clear of, the family?

    Also, she may have chosen to have no friends, but she seems to have strong family ties...which rather negates her "being strong by having nobody she cares about".
     
  5. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    Well. Yeah. Jackie's family are no push over. Then again neither are the enemies. lol. Funny enough the enemies are actually weaker than the Tarvoss Family. Yet the element of surprise counts for a lot. Which is kind of what Jackie could have spoiled if she wasn't such a brute.

    Actually as my first try said. Jackie hadn't been home in five years. Jackie would easily say she hates her family. Yet she stll feels that letting someone hurt them is not allowed. Jackie is the type that would say it like "Just because I hate them doesn't mean you are allowed to hurt them. Only I am allowed to hurt them!"

    And yeah kind of. Actually the idea is Jackie is slightly weaker because she has no one to care about. Her family doesn't really count I think. She is enraged but that is because a child is hurt. Jackie may be mean but she has an honor code and hurting a child as such made her angry.

    If any of that makes sense?
     
  6. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributor Contributor

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    Here's a reply I just gave to somebody who asked what mine was about...

    It's about the Tosti Godwinsson, younger brother of Harold (he of Hastings fame). Initially, he was a good boy, followed their father's lead in enhancing their power, helped Harold to crush the power of Gruffydd ap Llewelyn in Wales. Then, he fell foul of a revolt by his "subjects" in Northumbria. Despite the support of King Edward (the Confessor), he was banished. When Edward died a few months later, Harold was elected King. And Tosti felt aggrieved, blaming his brother for his banishment. And there were some very troubled waters for him to fish in that summer of 1066...

    Edit that...

    It's about the When Tosti Godwinsson, younger brother of Harold (he of Hastings fame). Initially, he was a good boy, followed their father's lead in enhancing their power, helped Harold to crush the power of Gruffydd ap Llewelyn in Wales. Then, he fell falls foul of a revolt by his "subjects" in Northumbria, he is banished, Ddespite the support of King Edward (the Confessor), he was banished. When Edward died , a few months later, Harold was is elected King,. And Tosti felt feels aggrieved, blaming his brother for his banishment. And there were are some very troubled waters for him to fish in that summer of 1066...

    My story starts nearly twenty years earlier, with some of the family struggles, and how Tosti came to be one of the most powerful men in Anglo-Saxon England. Some of the politics that were around at the time, some of his motivation. But that blurb covers the final shoot-out, and its build-up.
     
  7. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    Oh! Meaning to add enticement I can just sort of mention the lead into the end and not cover the beginning?

    Like maybe;
    Jackie Tarvoss, the strongest memember of the famous Tarvoss assassins is low on time and injured. Yet it is not yet time for her to rest. Her family is indanger and it is up to her to gather the reinforcements before it is too late. Can she muster up the strength to protect the rest of her family?

    Is that any better?
    I am feeling like I am still sucking at this.
     
  8. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributor Contributor

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    You're getting there!
     
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  9. Aaron DC

    Aaron DC Contributor Contributor

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    Yes, much better.
     
  10. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    Yet still bad? Sigh :cry:
     
  11. Aaron DC

    Aaron DC Contributor Contributor

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    Robots like me are not moved by tears. They are illogical.

    Questions in a blurb are good. As a suggestion ask an open ended question, not a closed (yes/no) question.

    If I steal @daemon's example:
    Result: But how far will she let her anger drive her when her family is following her into danger? (open question)

    My example:
    Result: That's when things start to go wrong. (not a question, but a hint at what's to come)

    Take 1:
    Result: Will she be able curb her anger and survive? Yes/No More importantly will she be able to let go of her anger in order to protect her family? Yes/No
    This is your take 2:
    Result: Can she accept responsibility for what she has done? Yes/No
    Take 3:
    Result: Can she muster up the strength to protect the rest of her family? Yes/No

    Can you see the difference?

    You want to open up the story, not close it down. Hint at what's to come.
     
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  12. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    On a side note now I am wondering if I should include her code name. The idea is all memembers of her family get a codename when they turn 16. Hers was "Tsuki No Tora" which translates to "The Tiger of the Moon"
    She got her name sake for her ferosity and because her trademark weapon are nicknamed Tigers Swords.

    Okay Take 4.
    Jackie Tarvoss has messed up. Now not only could she die but her entire family might die. The pressure is on as Jackie hurries to try protect her family. She failed them once and she has no intension of failing again but now that she is injured how can she change the result?
     
  13. Aaron DC

    Aaron DC Contributor Contributor

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    Even better again.

    You are getting really close now, I reckon. :agreed:
     
  14. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    :D

    Do you have any opinion of her code name being in the blurb?
     
  15. Aaron DC

    Aaron DC Contributor Contributor

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    My limited experience with code names is they are a secret - known by only a few.
    Is that the case in your novel also?

    If so, I would not put it on the cover.

    But that's just me.
     
  16. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    Sort of mixed. Basically her entire family knows. But many people past her family also know. The core idea of the codename scheme is that there is not documentation proving it. So the work she does gets done with the code name. Giving police no real way to tie her to the crimes by audio since her real name is never used and they have no way of linking her to the name. Even though it is common enough to the world of assassins and the police units that would deal with assassins.

    Not sure how that fits to you.
     
  17. Aaron DC

    Aaron DC Contributor Contributor

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    I think in your most recent version of the blurb, I would mention she is an assassin. It helps set the scene.

    The code name is not as easy for me to identify with as "Jackie" so I'd leave it as Jackie.
     
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  18. Sack-a-Doo!

    Sack-a-Doo! Contributor Contributor

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    Yes, that's a detail that should be in there, IMHO. It's her motivation for engaging with the story. And as far as spoilers go, everything I've ever read about writing cover letters and the materials that go with them, you give away the ending. By extension, I take that to mean you give away all the spoilers along the way, too.

    But there's a huge difference between a logline and the kind of thing a publisher wants when they're considering your story for publication. By definition, a logline is used to verbally pitch a movie script, not a novel. I'm not sure what the term is for the blurb used to sell a novel to a publisher (perhaps it's 'blurb?') but it can be longer than a logline. Loglines, depending on who you talk to, can be anywhere from 27 words to 50 and I've seen 'blurbs' in sample cover letters come in about 100-125 words.

    What a logline needs to include:
    • genre,
    • who is the hero,
    • what's his/her weakness,
    • who is the villian,
    • what is his/her strength,
    • what are they fighting about, and
    • how does it get worse near the end.
    I'm assuming a blurb needs to include the same things, but you also (as I mentioned earlier) give away the ending. The publisher wants to get some idea about whether or not the ending will be satisfying for the reader.

    All this to say that if you want to write a logline, it's still a good exercise. If you can boil your story down to its essence and come away with 27 words, you've got a solid story. But at the point you're at now, having already written the story, once you've got your logline, you might be better off to use it as a jumping off point for writing your publisher-oriented 'blurb.'
     
  19. GuardianWynn

    GuardianWynn Contributor Contributor

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    I sort of abandoned the idea of writing a log line. Heck I cant seem to condence it to a parapgraph lol. Let alone less than one. lol.

    It seems my terminology was off. lol. In a sense anyhow I was more trying to learn how to write small pitch. Something I could reply with when asked that timless question;

    Oh your a writing? What is your book about?

    As @daemon said The death of the kid happens about 30-40% in. Doesn't that mean the it is a spoiler that shouldn't be ruined by this?

    I mean if the blurb doesn't ruin it. Then it will be a shocking moment. Right?
     
  20. Sack-a-Doo!

    Sack-a-Doo! Contributor Contributor

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    :)
     
  21. The Mad Regent

    The Mad Regent Senior Member

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    I usually leave log lines in the toilet.

    :supergrin:
     

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