1. linmagic
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    linmagic New Member

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    Logline

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by linmagic, May 29, 2008.

    Just wondering if this grabs you:

    Deleted

    If not, any ideas?

    :cool:
     
  2. Gloom Kitty
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    Gloom Kitty Banned

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    Just wondering if this grabs you:

    The intuitive connection to his young son is severed when the boy is sent above ground to safety and the old connection to the love of his life, tragically murdered some years before is inexplicably renewed. Fighting insanity, the beast returns to the streets in his search for the truth.

    If not, any ideas?

    This really belongs in the general writing section. I’ll send a note to the mods and see what can be done.
     
  3. linmagic
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    linmagic New Member

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    Hi Gloom Kitty, I posted this here because it's a Logline to a screenplay. I thought this would be the right forum for it, if not, I have no problem with it being moved.

    :confused:
     
  4. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    The Review Room should be used only for writing itself, not for concept descriptions. I'm moving this to Writing Issues -> General Writing, although I'm not sure there is much to say there either.

    Really, a concept by itself is of value to the author only. Your writing is what determines its value to others. Poor writing can take the most profound concept and relegate it to the bottom of a birdcage. Good writing can turn a stroll to drop a letter in a mailbox into a riveting story.

    Asking the readers to judge a concept is as meaningful as showing an ultrasound photo of a fetus and asking what kind of person they think it will become.
     
  5. linmagic
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    linmagic New Member

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    Criticism noted. Last post by me, off to find somewhere they don't bite your head off!

    Ta ta all, good luck!
     
  6. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    it's way too long for a logline... optimum is 25 words or less...
     
  7. TWErvin2
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    TWErvin2 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Gloom Kitty,

    I'm no expert with loglines, but I'll give you my impression for what it's worth:

    Too long and wordy. You use 'him' and 'his' and 'young son' instead of giving even a single name. Too impersonal, in my view, to grab any attention.

    People tend to at least form images--make some connection with past experiences, when given a name.

    Terry
     
  8. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    terry... in loglines, it's a major no-no to include character names unless they're famous ones... a logline is kept impersonal, to focus on the 'concept'... here's an example of how that overlong whatever could be done as a proper logline, in 21 words:

     
  9. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Psst - anyone notice that the original poster has left in a huff?
     
  10. TWErvin2
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    TWErvin2 Contributing Member Contributor

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    Mammamaia,
    Thanks for letting me know. That counts as my third thing learned today...cool! As I said, I am (and still remain) no expert with loglines. I just read it and gave my impression as a reader.

    Terry
     
  11. Al B
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    Al B Senior Member

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    As a general rule, if you can imagine Don LaFontaine saying it, you're pretty much on the mark (for those unaware, Don LaFontaine is the deep voiced guy who does all those movie trailers)

    In a world where passion rules alongside justice, one man must make a choice.... etc.

    Al
     
  12. silverfrost
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    silverfrost Member

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    I think I missed the part where forum members were chomping off heads. Dunno... :p;)
     
  13. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    close, al, but no cigar... what you hear in movie trailers and see in ads are not loglines [script's basic concept], but teasers called 'tag lines'... in the film industry, there's a small but important difference between the two... and to sell your script, you need a good logline...
     
  14. Al B
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    Al B Senior Member

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    Yup I know they are tag lines, but it was a quick way to explain the sort of thing to aim for if not the exact thing to aim for, in that it has to be concise and to the point. That's why I said 'pretty much on the mark' rather than 'exactly on the mark'. You are of course correct, one sells the idea to a production company, the other sells it to the moviegoers

    Al
     

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