1. lipton_lover
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    lipton_lover Contributing Member

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    love

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by lipton_lover, Jun 16, 2009.

    I'm going to write a piece about love, and I'm looking for people who know what it's like to post with... what it's like. Post how you fell in love, how it feels after you've been in love for a long time, what it's like at the beginning, in the middle, why it's different from the norm, etc. It can also be friendship love, 'baby' love, inanimate object love, pet love, whatever.

    I ask this for three reasons.
    1. As I said I'm going to write a piece on the subject.
    2. I'm 15 right now and have only had two minor crushes, so I don't know what 'true love' is like.
    3. I would like to have a broad understanding of the subject, but I also want quotes. So please note that by posting in this thread you are subject to being quoted in my piece. I'm not getting paid for this, in case you care. If you want your name with your potential quote, please supply it. I can't guarantee I'll use it though, it depends on how this works out.

    Thanks, Nate
     
  2. RIPPA MATE
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    RIPPA MATE Contributing Member

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    I think you best bet would be to be writing about wondering about what it really would like to be in love. You'll find it to be a much more effective peice.
    But thats just my little piece of textness, dont let it stop you ;)

    oh and as for quotes, i made one up for you:

    "Love is vexing, but wow...'
     
  3. lipton_lover
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    lipton_lover Contributing Member

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    Well this is going to be like a pondering philosophy piece, it's a new style/genre? I want to get into. So it'll be sort of me rambling on about the subject in hopefully a readable way. I want a broad range of material/reference though, and not some person coining a phrase but peoples' actual experiences. I will definitely be talking about my lack of love and such though as well.

    Thanks, but I meant more like you guys tell me your stories and I quote them or snippets of them as I see fit. Thanks though :)

    Nate
     
  4. amble
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    amble Member

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    The first time I met my girlfriend, the connection was amazing. We barely spoke five words in a few hours, but when we caught each others eye we just grinned llike loonies. It felt like the whole night being surrounded by people was just a formality until we managed to call a cab together at the end of the night.

    We talked briefly, and then there was a kiss that lingered too long for friends and open suggestions, that led to swapping of numbers.

    From there, things changed. At first it was like a raging inferno of passion and lust, electricity and excitement. Over time, the fires slowly die out, because they are too intense to burn for long, but the glowing embers remain and that is what forms the relationship now. The warmth and glow being left behind.

    Hope it helps. Not much of a 'love/intimacy' writer tbh.
     
  5. lipton_lover
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    lipton_lover Contributing Member

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    Thanks :) that was very helpful.

    ... I'm guessing this thread will be very interesting for me to read.

    Nate
     
  6. Obezyanka
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    Obezyanka Member

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    Love can be doubled edge.

    It can be beautiful yet it can be something that is torment.

    If the one you fall in love with returns the same feelings it is an amazing feeling. If they do not, it is hard to think of why they don't love you as you love them. The pain is depressing.

    When your in love you think of the person all the time, sometimes you will speak about them in many converstations (not intentional) wither good or bad. You want to know everything about them from their first school to what they watched the night before.

    You feel your face go red if their name is mentioned but best of all is when your with them. The way they love you back. :redface:
     
  7. Evinco Omnis
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    Evinco Omnis Member

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    In my mind.
    "Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..."

    1 Cor 13:4-8.

    I have always found this definition of Love to be the most absolute. Sorry if it's a bit wordy for you.

    Thanks for letting me share it.
     
  8. bluebell80
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    bluebell80 Contributing Member

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    I wasn't too fond of my hubby when I met him. We worked together, he was 19 I was 17. Finally, at the urging of a mutual friend, we started hanging out. At first it was just as friends,because I had a boyfriend in college, who I was planning on breaking up with anyway. We got a little physical the night I broke up with my boyfriend over Christmas break and it just started from there.

    We hung out every minute we weren't sleeping. We waited about a month after we were going out to get physically intimate.

    Falling in love with someone is really getting to know them and finding how much you share in common with them, that is until you move in together.

    We moved in together when I was 18 and he was 20. I was also accidentally pregnant. We had many, many arguments and fights those first four years. Because we were both still growing and changing and throw a couple of kids into that mix along with working long hours, and that initial "falling in love" phase leaves rather quickly.

    Over time we gathered our crap together, got over our issues, and now in our 11th year together, we hardly ever have conflict. It still happens, but now that we are more mature, we settle it in a mature (non name calling-yelling way.) We still have our moments of jerkiness towards each other, but it generally get's brushed under the rug and forgotten about.

    Am I madly in love with my hubby? I don't even know what madly in love is. I've never felt it like they show it on the movies, or in books. For me love is the silence between two people that is telling of their comfort level. My hubby and I don't feel the need to fill the silence anymore. We are so comfortable with each other that we can tell just by the other's face if now is a good time for conversation.

    We share now more of the same views, but when we differ, we explain why, instead of having a fight.

    There is love in safety. We both have established that there is trust, neither of us would cheat on the other, because there is no point to that. If feelings develop for someone else, we both agree that it is better to be open and honest about it, decide if our relationship is worth ending, and then that is it.

    We've got plans for the future, some regrets of the past, and are comfortable in our present. There is still heat, but it on longer is that rolling boil, but a pleasant simmer.

    Love in the beginning is less love, than it is the newness of the relationship. Getting to know someone we all wear the rose colored glasses, especially women once sex is involved, and we don't remove those glasses until the getting to know you phase is over. Once the glasses come off, we see our partners flaws glaring us in the face. Love is decided that those flaws are able to be lived with and you love your partner despite them, and sometimes you love them even more because of them.

    I can say I love my hubby, because I do. If anything were to happen to him, I would be devastated, though I would live through it. Is there a better match for me out there? Someone I would love more? Probably. I believe there are many people who we all would click with and fall in love with. But, true love is knowing this, and still choosing the one you are with.

    I think if my relationship ended right now, I would be very choosy with who I dated. I wouldn't fall head over heels for someone, not because I wouldn't fall in love, but because I've moved past that stage of maturity. I want a partner to live a life with. Not some fly by night romance with someone who is all wrong for me, just because I found him attractive.

    While passion is nice, it doesn't always mean security. I would take security and comfort over red hot passion any day. But that's just me.

    Jenn
     
  9. RIPPA MATE
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    RIPPA MATE Contributing Member

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    I think love goes further then this - let me read a bit oh john and be bold, and get you thinking.

    "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 john 4 (ESV)

    google and read the rest for a better context if you so wish.
     
  10. Evinco Omnis
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    Evinco Omnis Member

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    Thanks

    I agree with what you quoted. I didn't want to use that script because I was unsure if the the person I was replying to was christian or not and wanted to refrain from using the title "God" in my comment.

    Cheers for using it anyway.
     
  11. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Love is different for every person, and for each person they feel it toward. It defies definition, because language depends upon shared experience. Every word in our language is only understood to the extent that we both agree about what it represents. Love is too subtle. personal, and varied to be accurately conveyed in that way.

    The best anyone can hope for is a blurred glimpse of someone else's love, as through a rain-spattered windshield. And, of course, to find their own definitions of it.
     
  12. Obezyanka
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    Obezyanka Member

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    Sorry off topic, but I find the Bible a terrible book after discovering a passage from II Samuel were some guy rapes his sister then kicks her out. Disgusting.
     
  13. starseed
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    starseed Contributing Member

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    I could probably write endlessly on this topic, as I've been truly in love twice. The first relationship was a 4 year long relationship with one of my true soul mates in this life. It was love at first sight with him. We both took one look at each other and remembered our connection from another life. It was intense. I could write ten books about the crazy things that went on during our relationship, stuff that doesn't even get touched in the movies. It sure was something. One of those things where you stop and go, wow is this really MY life? Anyway, he was my purest and truest love and still is a good friend.

    The second time I fell in love, was with a good friend of mine I've actually known since we were 12 and never felt "that way" about up until this one particular time, for whatever reason. He always liked me I think, since we were young. *sweetness* :) He was always such a good friend and constantly flirted with me for years. We drunkenly hooked up one new years eve but even then, I still didn't feel "that way". But when I went through a terrible breakup with a very abusive boyfriend, he was there for me and one day I just had this lightbulb moment out of nowhere. I will never forget that day, he took me to the coast and we spent probably 14 hours straight together and I never stopped laughing the whole time, and even at the end of the day completely exhausted, I didn't want to leave him. We started going out right after that but broke up a year later because we realized we just are too different in the things we want out of life (he's already a parent, I don't want the responsibility of kids for awhile, he's very rooted and I love to just take off to the other side of the world on a whim, that sort of thing). But he's still my best friend and we still love each other.

    So, the things I would say about love...

    1) Love is unconditional. The relationship might not be, but the love is. Which is why both of these men are still my friends and still in my life. There are countless other relationships I could have mentioned here where I thought I was in love at the time. But I wasn't really, I was just infatuated with the person. Real love lasts forever, it only changes form.

    2) Love is deep and isn't effected by surface things. In my opinion, if you couldn't stand the thought of having to help your partner through a case of explosive diharrea or would be turned off seeing them covered in oozing boils, then it's not real love. Either of these men could have developed leprosy and I still would have wanted to have sex with them. Love is love for the inner person and no matter what, it's still there.

    3)Kind of goes with the above, but when you love someone, you hurt for them more than yourself. With the first boy I mentioned, we went through some severely tough times together. Like, homelessness, near starvation sort of stuff. I would have killed to ease this man's suffering. Killed. I almost lost him to drug addiction among other things (huge, complicated story, seriously an entire soap opera could be based around us) and saw him suffer with broken bones and no medical care, and there are times when he was crying in pain and my god.. I would have literally taken my own life on the spot if it would have eased his suffering even a little... that might not be healthy, but thats how love makes you feel.

    4)Letting go of the attachments of love is the hardest thing in the world. Key word: attachments. Now that I'm older and wiser and these men have remained in my life in a loving way I have learned to have a certain faith in letting go and having things fall where they may. But at the time, I didn't KNOW whether letting go of these men I loved so much would result in me losing them all together, and yet I had to anyway. Probably the most painful thing I have ever gone through, especially with the first one, since he was my first real boyfriend and we met when I was only 18. The first 4 years of my adult life I had him by my side, and losing that was life shattering. Love hurts, indeed it's true.
     
  14. lipton_lover
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    lipton_lover Contributing Member

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    I'm Roman Catholic, Bible quotes are fine :) and even if I was atheist, I'm not the kind of person to get all riled up over someone quoting their religion.

    Cogito, that's the core of what I hope to get at. That's why I specified all types of love. I've heard enough to know it's different for everyone. Also, though I want to get to that point, I'm writing this with no real goal I want to get to. I'm just going to write what comes out as I muse the subject.

    Obezyanka I don't want to derail my own thread, but do you mind if I pm you when I get a chance? I would love to discuss theology with you if that's alright.

    Thanks starseed :)

    This is great. I probably have more than I can use now but please keep posting. This is a nice thread :cool:

    Thanks, Nate
     
  15. NaCl
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    NaCl Contributing Member Contributor

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    Love is not a "thing". It is a process. Each couple defines the elements that will be part of their process. A young woman who grew up in poverty might need financial security as part of the process when she falls in love. A young man who constantly moved as a child, never able to build any long term friendships, might be attracted to a woman who has enjoyed a stable life in one place with lots of extended family. When I came home from Vietnam, I had seen death and suffering on a scale that most can not imagine. I married a woman who is often referred to as "Pollyanna" in her view of the world. My skepticism and distrust vanished into a loving relationship with my polar opposite.

    This "love is a process" theory of mine explains why sometimes opposites fall in love, while other times, people who share a set of values fall in love. It's the process that establishes both the depth of "love" and the long term success of the love-relationship. The other important thing about the "process of love" is that it is dynamic. Love grows and ebbs throughout time. Most people simply endure the changes without taking time to manage the process. By the time they figure out that their love has been fatally compromised, it is often too late to stop the momentum of change in the wrong direction. On the other hand, if you accept that love is an ever-changing process, then you are empowered.

    I was a mean, dangerous man when I returned from Vietnam. Drank heavily. Looked for bar fights just so I could spew out my emotional venom. Women were disposable objects existing only for my personal pleasure. Then, I met "Pollyanna". Life changed. She soothed the beast in me. I still had nightmares and an explosive temper, but she was the only person who could bring me peace of mind. The was 38 years ago. We've been married 37 years and have four kids (and four grandkids). I do not love Sue the same way now as I did back then. There is no comparison. I would kill for her. I would die for her. We argue. We disagree about fundamental issues in life. She is an Evangelical Christain...I am an atheist. When she is happy, it makes me happy. Our love today is beyond definition. It is a complicated fusion of personalities, life experiences and personal choices. And, it continues to "grow" after all these years.
     
  16. Gallowglass
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    Gallowglass Contributing Member Contributor

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    I hope you have use for some of the more bizarre quotes about love that I've heard. These come from a fanatic's perspective, and you might need to think about them a bit (or else become devoted to a particular cause and relate it to everything else ;)) before you understand them:

    'Love and affection are the two things that people seek to abandon in the ocean of ambition, yet the hold what we most crave and to abandon them is to risk ruin.'

    'Love and peace are almost never colleagues on the chessboard of family politics.'

    'Passion and some lust is fanaticism. Lust and some passion is love.'

    'Love's breathing place is on the summit, but the road there leads uphill.'

    'And yet so remarkable it is that I am still able to say with justice that through the struggles, skirmishes, fights, and conflicts of the ages the idea of love is not lost upon even the most barren of landscapes and the harshest of people - for the simple reason that, if love is subject to relativity, so is what is generally perceived as evil.'
     
  17. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    i fell madly in love for the first time at 14, did so many times thereafter, and didn't give it all up till i hit 57... if you want details and access to the writings i've done on the subject, drop me a line... it's too much to go into here...

    love [the maternal/platonic kind! ;-) ] and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  18. ChaseRoberts
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    ChaseRoberts Senior Member

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    I personally work with the Dorothy Parker school of thought on love.
     

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