Yes, I stole this idea from Twitter. Who cares. DUNE, Frank Herbert (1965) Eugenics Gataca baby grows up, slaps nuns, takes over local drug trade, gets high on his own supply, rules universe from the back of giant worms... while high.
Animorphs. Kids fight alien slugs, they change into puppies and kitties and ants to do so. Honestly, I'm not sure how to make this sound bad.
1984 - Guy lives in a time where t.v. watches him, sex is hard to get, posters follow your every move and the government forces you to love what you hate. Lolita - Man falls in love with child and won't shut up about it. Naturally she hates him and falls in love with another man. He shoots other man and everyone dies. A Short History of Tractors in Ukraine - Old man marries big boobed young immigrant who slaps him around. He can't understand why she doesn't want to eat apples every night. Big Boobs' gold digging is put to a stop by his snoopy kids. Oh and he likes tractors.
Atlas Shrugged The economy has grind to a halt. Two CEOs spent 700 pages doing nothing, then they find a valley full of rich people doing odd jobs, then talk about said valley for 300 pages, then the guy everyone agrees is the leader of the valley of rich people even though he didn't start it or have really much to do with it spends another 80 pages talking about it, giving a full brake down of an ideology you already understood during the first 400 pages. And then for the remaining 100 or so pages everyone talks about what the man said who spent 80 pages talking about what the people for the previous 300 pages talked about. Then nothing happens. The Iliad There is a war, and people die. Achilles gets angry, kills Hector, then dies. The Odyssey Odysseus spends 10 years getting home because he wants to stop everywhere for sex, cake and a good fight.
Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka Gregor Samsa is turned into a bug because ONIONS! Gets rather depressed, family hate him now, and he kills himself - or dies anyway. The Road People walk. A lot.
The Aeneid The first half is basically The Odyssey. The second half is basically The Iliad. Only this time it's about Rome!
The Book Thief A girl is stealing books from nazis. Then her hometown is bombed. Many deaths. The Hobbit A little guy goes on an adventure with twelve other little guys, who are more hairy than him. There is also one big senior, who is also very hairy. They fight a lot and manage to kill a very rich dragon.
Heart Shaped Box: a Death-Metal-Rock-God who owns a unusual collection of items, buys a "haunted" suit to add to said collection. house gets haunted and he and his girlfriend (who could be his daughter age wise) get possessed by the ghost that haunts the suit, a couple of times they try to kill themselves, go on a mission to find the original owner of the suit to find out what was going on with it. almost gets killed by the ghost and ends up writing another acoustic album and having a triple heart bypass
Essentially any Stephen King book: There is a supernatural horror that affects an area in Maine, US, and an alcoholic writer, or person related to an alcoholic, or person related to a writer, or just a writer related to an alcoholic, has to face it because - you know - the army are no good.
Legit just read Metamorphosis in school. Probably the worst book I ever read. But I'll throw up my own bad expanation. Metamorphosis - Gregor Samsa is turned into a giant cockroach because 'absurdism' and his family treats him worse than they did before, driving him to suicide by self-neglect.
Children of Dune, Frank Herbert (1976) After some crazy shit happens to the aforementioned eugenics-baby-prince from DUNE (now all grown up), he has a couple of kids with his baby-mama, not with his trophy wife/secretary. These kids, Leto and Ghanima, are raised by their auntie, Alia, who is the OG of cray. Alia, Leto, and Ghanima are all a kind of future crack-baby. Unfortunately, Alia doesn't get the good effects that Leto and Ghanima do and she gets thread-jacked by her uncle, the chicken-hawk. Later, Leto and Ghanima put together a plan to take control away from OCD Alia and gank the throne for Leto. Meanwhile, Leto reveals he's got a thing for worms and running track. When it comes time to take the throne, Leto and Ghanima get married. To each other. But don't worry, Ghanima has a baby-daddy on the side and Leto is cool with it because he bats for the worm team. It's all worm 24-7/365. What are you trying to say to me Frank? You a "team player"?
Frankenstein A scientist stitches together a monster. It’s a hard bastard but looks shit. The monster gets sad and lonely, and also pretty horny, but the scientist won’t make him a bird. It goes mental and murders lots of people. The scientist regrets having made the monster in the first place, which is sad because it was actually very impressive indeed, especially relative to early nineteenth century technology.
Alice in Wonderland: A girl goes through a drug induced hell where she nearly dies trying to play croquet. Alternatively: A girl goes through a drug induced hell that fuels scholastic debate for several decades.
The Guinness Book of World Records Thousands of people with too much time on their hands becoming the best at stupid shit
Moby Dick. Must. Have. That. Fish. (Psst, whales are mammals). Post Office (Charles Bukowski) This guy you'd want to hate but actually really admire delivers mail, drinks, and boinks chicks. That's about it.
The Divine Comedy A journey through hell, purgatory and heaven, there is a guy who walks with the protagonist for a bit, then a woman, and it gets a bit odd at the end, but the ending is ... actually, what in the hell did happen?
