1. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Manly gasp/exclamation of surprise.

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Elgaisma, Aug 18, 2010.

    Need some ideas for how a 6ft10 built like a behemoth, eighteen year old boy would exclaim surprise lol I have him gasping but doesn't really fit.
     
  2. Islander
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    Islander Contributing Member Contributor

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    He opens his mouth and stands still?
     
  3. Taylee91
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    Taylee91 Carpe Diem Contributor

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    Have him stagger backwards from the sudden surprise with a face of astonishment.
     
  4. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    lol thanks not quite right but you reminded me 'jaw drops'
     
  5. Motley
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    Motley Active Member

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    The eighteen-year-old guys I know would probably curse.

    But I think jaw-dropping and perhaps jumping a bit would work, if you are talking about surprise from something that startles him.

    There are manlier ways to say "gasp" as well, I believe: sharp intake of breath, sucked in air, choked on his next breath. Just ideas.
     
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  6. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    hmm like that curse and jaw drop basically he sees the face on his enemy for first time and he looks just like his brother
     
  7. Cogito
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    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    It depends on what kind of surprise. If he is surprised by a snake dropping from a tree limb in front of his face, he mignt leap backward and scream like a girl. But if someone standing in front of him tells him his girlfriend is hospitalized:

    He inhaled sharply, and his eyes widened.
     
  8. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    maybe he should drop his drawers lol I now have him cursing and dropping his jaw. He's not the screaming like a girl type:)
     
  9. minstrel
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    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Staff Supporter Contributor

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    It depends on his personality. Six foot ten, behemoth build is a physical description, not a character description. Maybe being so big at such a young age makes him socially awkward and shy - I once knew a 13-year-old who was six foot four and he was painfully shy. A shy person would express surprise differently from an assertive, confident person.

    If I don't know how a character would behave in a given situation, it usually means I don't know the character well enough. When that happens, I write a little scene or two involving the character that might not appear in the final work, but these scenes let me know more about the character so that I have a better idea how he'd react.

    So what kind of person is your giant teen?
     
  10. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    The first to start a fight and the first offer his opponent first aid at the end:) Plucky, fairly kind hearted but a brat.
     
  11. Tessie
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    Tessie Contributing Member Contributor

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    How's this:

    The stranger drew near. Your behemoth's frame visibly shakes, and his facial features tighten. With a surprised gape, a low curse then escapes his lips, and his eyes narrow in rage.

    Just an idea! :)
     
  12. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    :) its good but Angus (Behemoth) and Socrates (his brother and the story's narrator) are definitly Northern English in the way they view life lol Socrates is more like to slap him upside of the head for swearing.
     
  13. madhoca
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    madhoca Contributing Member Contributor

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    My husband bursts out with incredulous laughter when he gets a shock sometimes, but I guess he's just odd...although I've come across this with a few of my students, also...
     
  14. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Actually that is perfect for another scene:)
     
  15. thewordsmith
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    thewordsmith Contributing Member Contributor

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    Not sure if your age or location are going to make this relevant but, pop singer turned jazz/blues/whatever-else-moves-him American musician of a few gens back, Bruce Hornsby is 6'8". He was almost that tall when he was 16 years old and, though he likes to play basketball when he was a kid, he really wanted to 'be a rock star' and get all the girls. He was really no different than any other kid though, 'hugeness' notwithstanding.

    Bruce is, pretty much, an all out front, WYSIWYG kind of guy. That's a personality thing. Just like your Angus is going to react based on his personality and not what he looks like.

    Granted, looking like the Incredible Hulk may have certain effects on his personality. But you should have a pretty good grasp of those so they should not be a distraction but, rather, a help in determining how your character would act/react. First things first, though. You need to take his size out of the equation... unless, of course, he is terribly self-conscious about it and would tend to 'pull his punches' in expressing any emotions so as not to call attention to himself. That, again, is something only you would know.
     
  16. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    i'm with motley... teen boys would just blurt out some sort of 'obscenity' [e.g., 'holy f**k!' or whatever the current local 'blue' favorite is...]
     
  17. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    Thank you everyone. My character is normally hyper easy going and quite even tempered (except for when he gets into fights lol). But he is just discovered his brother is the double of the Lord of Evil lol
     
  18. kaylynwrong
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    kaylynwrong Member

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    Sharp inhale?
     
  19. Melzaar the Almighty
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    Melzaar the Almighty Contributing Member Contributor

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    I'd say go with a deeply personal response - like, an actual whole sentence drawn from his heart, past experiences, and relationship with his brother. Like, "I always knew you were the evil twin!" ... but serious. :p If you're having trouble imagining him doing an action, then he probably wouldn't do it, and you should explore another avenue.
     
  20. Elgaisma
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    Elgaisma Contributing Member Contributor

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    yeah I think he should just be shocked, I have gone back to working on the first novel, after writing about two thirds of this one in first draft form I decided I needed to resurrect a character, and bring the main character for this book out a bit more. My favourite method is just to delete and rewrite so had to put back ten chapters lol nearly done:) Then I can get back to this story. The man turns out to be his brother's real father - Socrates really does have an evil twin sister lol

    Thanks for your help
     

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