1. Loke
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    Loke New Member

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    Might be doing this wrong, but I request some aid.

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Loke, Dec 23, 2011.

    Can someone please reveiw this.

    I'm new (obviously) and aren't all that sure on the proper format on how to go about this. I'll check on this regularly for updates and necessary thread formatting advice. To make a long story short I have very weak memory retention due to a disorder and it's hard for me to do much of anything. I'm currently in college and am struggling in my current subject of Computer Programming/Game Design (I know it seems faulty to do this with the disorder I have, but the disorder applies across the bored for any subject, and in this subject memorization isn't as expected as one might think), however at one point in one of my classes we had a class project and I was more or less stuck with the design process because I was about the only one with a sense of creativity. I didn't expect much from myself but in the preceding months of writing the story (the first creative writing project I've ever done, FYI), I ended up designing to much and came out with a 43 page "game script". My team said it was good, but to be honest I wasn't sure if that was because I was the only one with anything or if it was actually good (I got no "professional" input on it). It's been a few months since then and, to be honest, it's one of the few times I've actually felt good about my work, both the process and final results. And though I don't mean to be down on myself I'm still not sure if it's any good and am here today to seek some input.

    Actually could someone tell me how to go about posting the story, because it exceeds the attachment limit and character limit.
    Summary + Chapter 0 - 2
    Chapter 0
    P1. We open to a dilapidated mansion in a light snowstorm and zoom through the walls to the back of a chair positioned adjacent to a fireplace in what looks to be a study. We see the hand of an old man loosely grasping a half empty glass of wine on its underside on a table with a book scribbled with hand written notes. We turn to the other hand as see the outline object shrouded in the shadows of the old man’s body projected from the fire. When a knocking on the door is heard and the camera turn to show a message bubble:
    -Female Voice: “Professor _____ (name is censored for the sake of avoiding the player being too attached to the character since he is a bad guy… more or less), I have your tea.”(As well we only see her hair; the rest is engulfed in shadows)
    -Professor: (no response)
    - Female Voice: “Professor”
    *She opens the door and moves towards the old man, and once at his side she peers into his face and responds with a gasp, dropping the tea and falling to the ground*
    P2. The camera zooms into the professors face to reveal eyes with a light outlined pupil and a red veins running towards the center and then.
    *Title appears… or this is the opening cut scene after the player starts the game*
    *The camera zooms into one of his eyeballs and nothing is seen other than a bright light, then a few word bubble pops up with no-one in sight*
    Bubble1: How could I?
    Bubble2: This can’t be!
    Bubble3: We can find new discoveries.
    Bubble4: He is innocent
    Bubble5: He could never
    Bubble6: It’s a lie
    Bubble7: The Artifacts!
    Bubble8: Symbols
    Bubble9: I found them all.
    Bubble10: You did what you had to.
    *Then suddenly the ball of light transforms into the symbol (someone mentioned a symbol on the artifact) and engulfs the player*
    Chapter 1
    P1. He then wakes up to the smiling face of an Alden with various ancients looking materials, books, and maps in the background.
    Alden: Hey, wake up! We’ve arrived
    The professor leaps up and goes running out a doorway into a blinding light to see the ocean view and as the camera pans out he is seen on a very large ship.
    P2. *Ocean level would start here with some transitional scene*
    Alden: What no good morning?
    Professor: My apologies, I’m just so excited. It’s been nearly 15 years since we started this and we’ve finally gotten to a point where we can justify all our hard work.
    Alden: Well it does take a long time to build up a king’s fortune for such a journey, not to mention the research and the…
    Professor: Yes... yes…
    Alden: As well no one was on board for this, I mean even when you told me I thought you were insane…
    Professor: Ha ha ha… I get it, I get it.
    Voice Captain Joe (this character appearance no real purpose except as a plot device): How many times do I have to tell ya, we’ve arrived. You only chartered this boat for so long and you were in such a rush. I’d thought you’ve dived in by now.
    Alden: I’ve been in my wet suit this entire time, its Mr. Dreamland here that’s yet to even dawn his scuba mask.
    Professor: Fine, fine I’ll grab the tanks and you meet me at the stern.
    *Choice time and actual game play*
    This is essentially where the tutorial kicks in. and basically ends with the first decision to make in the game.
    There are two tanks:
    One that’s near empty - Take this one to show a decrease in insanity (bad decision)
    One that’s full – Show’s an increase in insanity (effect is from the bottom of the tank comes rats… like a jump scare)
    P3. He walks out the door and then we cut to the professor and Alden fully suited up and in the ocean. They find an undersea city so well built it’s as none as other have seen but one thing that is noticeable is the rather large crater in the center of the city. The professor points to the crater and we cut to them swimming towards it with very large but dilapidated statues point towards the center. It is a coliseum that’s built like a stadium all encompassing the surrounding area, with seats attached to the hill (imagine a crater with the walls that form it having stadium style seating…). They find some almost elevator like structure in the center covered in a crumbling stage like platform. The dive through the shaft and enter a cavern where they remove their mask. The walk deeper into the caves where they approach a door with Latin on it that says (all those who desire power must face hardships) and a dialog begins.
    Professor: I think they aim to test us?
    Alden: Seems that way.
    P4. After facing various puzzles they come to one that requires something involving balance. And the player has to make two choices.
    There are levers:
    Red lever – Is said to send you to your doom (a self sacrifice that decreases insanity)
    Blue Lever- sends your Alden to his death (effect is it turns into a snake and tries to bite the player)
    However it is pointless as which leaver is pulled the trap breaks (for the sake a time and art let’s make the Alden unaware to which leaver was pulled by having a wall drop or something) they then walk away into the treasure room where the first piece of the artifact lies. After finding it the professor and his Alden decide to have a race to see who gets to keep the artifact at who house and the race is to the surface and this is where a previous choice comes into play:
    Previous Choices come into play:
    If you choose the near empty canister- everything goes black as you begin to drown and you see word balloons of your Alden trying to save you (EG: Calls your name, you hear effects like water splashing, running on the deck, etc… ). At one point you hear (or see the text bubble of) a women saying you’re name. A flickering flame of a dimming candle shows a sickly looking woman grasping the hand of the professor from a first person view perspective (then switches to a 3rd person perspective). We zoom onto her face as she mouths the words “I-… (Insert jump in animation like static)…-y-o-u…” and dies. Then we switch out suddenly using a bright light transition and show his Alden once again standing over him, but in an Egyptian hospital.
    If you choose the full – You rush to the surface and look around only seeing the boat with your Alden not in sight. And soon you dive back in to save your Alden who’s seen sinking into the ocean. We rise to the surface of the sea and see the professor lunging up with his Alden in arms out of the ocean paddling towards to boat. We switch to seeing his Alden lying in the cabin bed as the professor looms overhead with a flickering candle being the only light source. The candle goes out and the scene from above (starting from the point the women starts talking) begins and ends in the same way (with him in the Egyptian hospital).
    P5. The professor jumps up and yells the name of the women (IDK… Jessica?).
    Professor – JESSICA!
    Alden – Still miss her huh?
    Professor - I (heavy breathing)… uh (heavy breathing) … um (heavy breathing) … where am I?
    Alden - At the Hospital… What happened there?
    Professor – I don’t know…
    Alden – Well you’ve been out for nearly 2 days and you’ve been calling her name.
    Professor – (said angrily) I’m sorry to annoy you, but it’s hard to get over my wife’s death!
    Alden – Sorry I over step my bounds. I just thought it was something you should know…
    Professor – Sorry I…
    Alden – Don’t worry about it. I’d be worried as well if something ever happened to (insert his wife’s name… IDK Alice)
    Professor – I’m sure (moment of silence)… Well it’s off to the next location.
    Doctor Abasi – (while walking into the room) I have to protest to that.
    Professor – Ah! Doctor Abasi. Good to see you. I’m sorry to talk and walk but I must be going.
    Doctor Abasi – You’re in no condition to go anywhere…
    Professor – It’s just a jump, skip, and a hop to the Theban Hills from here anyway. I’m awake and feel great. Just give me a few pills and let me be off.
    Doctor – It’s a wonder you made it here considering how far off the cost you were. No one knew what was wrong with you on that ship. And since you hired me to take care of these kinds of things that are what I’m going to do. You may have hired my staff and me to act as your group’s personal caretakers, but you in no way order me around.
    Professor – *sigh* I swear your parents knew how you would grow up.
    Doctor – Into one damn good doctor, but probably not the kind that gets hired to handle any... What did you call it, “Strange Phenomenon”?
    Professor – Don’t get ahead of yourself, you just happen to be one of the only English speaking Egyptian physicians I happen to know.
    Doctor – Well regardless of the reason, you hired as a doctor and I will act as a doctor. (Pause) I’ve read the information you gave me and it says you have Ménière's disease. We can probably assume that’s what caused what happened.
    Alden – He has what?
    Doctor – It’s a disorder of the inner ear that can affect hearing and balance to a varying degree.
    Alden – You never told me that?
    Professor – Never thought I’d have to…
    Doctor – You also forgot to bring you’re prescription, for now I’m going to give you this Valium (pulls from pocket). We had it on had but it’ll be a few days before we can get your prescription.
    Professor – Ok give me the pills and we’ll get right on out of here.
    Doctor – I really think you should…
    *Over a Loud speaker*
    Loud Speaker – Paging Doctor Abasi, Paging Doctor Abasi there’s a call for you.
    Doctor – I’ll be right back, please stay here. (Walks away)
    Professor – I wish he’d hurry up; I’d like to be done before I die of old age,
    Alden – Whoa… whoa, you had one hell of an accident, you can’t just walk through the Theban Hills after that.
    Professor – It’s just an ear problem and besides, every second we waste is a dollar of funds and we’re stretched as we are.
    Alden – Fine, fine… ugh, I’ll go get a doctor and ask if you’re good to go, but I doubt it.
    Professor – Well I’ll be starting my treatment.
    Grabbing and swallowing the Valium
    Alden – (While walking out of the room) well I left the treasure on at your bedside. Take a look at it when you get the chance
    P6. The professor reaches over to grab the item and as he reaches over to the table it begins to glow a purple-ish color and gets darker and darker until the darkness oozes out of the item and floods onto the floor. The professor screams for help and nurse rushes in to ask what’s wrong as the darkness oozes out more and more flooding the entire room. At this point everything seems to be under water. The nurse now appearing as his wife but bleeding profusely from her gut asks him what’s wrong.
    Nurse – What’s Wrong sir…
    Professor – (Screaming) No… no… get away from me!!
    Nurse – Sir you need to calm down.
    Professor – (Screaming) NO! NO! GO AWAY!
    Nurse – Doctor, Doctor, Get in here quick!
    Doctor – (can be heard but not seen) He’s having a bad reaction to the Valium… We’re going to have to sedate him.
    The screen fades to black and we return to the Abyss, which now has far stretching ocean in it, that goes as far as the eye can see, but nothing other than darkness shrouding the surrounding area. We transition to the Next level from here.
    Chapter 2
    P1. The professor awakens back in the hospital; he looks around this time to an empty room with nothing but an empty hospital room and Alden’s notebook. He picks it up and begins to read it giving us a bit of info on the artifact.
    Professor – (inner thought) what was that… It seemed like an ocean… and those visions… I…
    (Professor observes the room)
    Professor – (inner thought) No one is around (pause as he looks down)… I remember Abasi saying there was an issue with the Valium but, I’ve taken it before without a problem. What was the problem then… what cause those visions of… (Dramatic pause) AH COULD IT HAVE BEEN!
    (Professor turns to his desk and grabs the notebook, opening it to the first page and we start into a monologue describing the artifact.)
    Professor (inner thoughts, narration of cut scenes) –Let’s see: “A few thousand years ago it was known that they Egyptians had a great treasure. It became sacred to them, to point even mentioning its name to an outsider would mean death. These treasure posses no…no… this isn’t what I’m looking for.
    Professor skips a few pages
    Professor (inner thoughts, narration of cut scenes) –“…because of this they split up the…” No that’s still about Egypt. I need to organize these someday.
    Professor skips a few pages and his eyes widen
    Professor (inner thoughts, narration of cut scenes) – Ah here it is! “It is unclear what happens to those who possess a single piece of equipment however I some theories as to what might be going on based on what I know so far…”
    Alden walks into room interrupting him.
    Alden: Looking for something?
    Professor: Oh I didn’t see you there… I was hoping to um…
    Alden: Hoping to explain those “accidents”?
    Professor: Yes and I didn’t really find much of anything, but I was just skimming, hoping to refresh my memory.
    Alden: The Doctor believes it was the medication that did it to you but we both know that’s probably not true.
    Professor: Yeah… Well I suppose that just means the legends were true then (said with a grin on his face).
    Alden: I suppose they are (said with a bigger grin on his face).
    Professor: So when can I get out of here (he said happily)!
    Alden: Soon very soon. We got your prescriptions a little sooner than we thought and as soon as you stabilize we should be able to go.
    Professor: Ha, Ha, Well that works out just fine then (said with a smug smirk).
    P2. We skip ahead 3 days with the professor, his Alden, and a long stretch of men riding camels thought the desert approaching an ancient desert stone civilization.
    Professor: How much further?
    Man on the lead camel: Not long, a few minutes.
    Abasi: I’m glad you “let” me escort you here just in case you de-stabilize. But since you can’t be bothered to help me pack a hospital on a camel I didn’t get filled in to what exactly we’re doing here?
    Professor: There’s that old spunk again!
    Abasi: Well, you said you would fill me in on the way but we’re nearly there. And since the “Camel King” up front isn’t exactly talkative, neither are his subjects, and Alden is near the rear. I’m left with asking you.
    Professor: Well old friend, we are going to the tomb of Ramesses II in Valley of the Gates of the Kings.
    Abasi: What for?
    Professor: It’s said to contain a few “notes” on what we’re looking for.
    Abasi: I see.
    Man on the lead camel: (Shouting) We’re here!
    P3. We see a cinematic of the tomb and then the level starts, as before I’ll leave out the details of the level for now. I imagine that after all the puzzles are completed we get to another dilapidated wall like at the end of Atlantis filled with hieroglyphs and two imprints that make it look like something was taken. I also think it would make sense for nearly all those on the camel convoy to join them in the tomb.
    Professor: You guys handle those traps well; we certainly got our money’s worth.
    Camel People: (no response)
    Alden: (sarcastically) Will you stop talking already? We got work to do.
    Camel People: (no response)
    Alden: See because you guys don’t talk at all and um…
    Camel People: (no response)
    Professor: If you weren’t a language prodigy I’d throw you into a pit for that joke alone.
    Alden: I’ll just decipher these things then…
    P4. A cinematic begins as we see a history of the artifact narrated by Alden and the drawings are in “Egyptian style” like below.

    Alden Narrating: The pharaoh Usermaatre-setpenre Ramesses II was a young and great ruler of the land of Egypt. However his life was riddled with war and bloodshed. One such battle was a longstanding war to reclaim the native land of Egypt at the city of Kadesh between King Ramesses II and the Hittite Empire under Muwatalli II. This war was passed down to Ramesses II by his father and had been going on far before that. This war had lasted to long and in his haste to capture Kadesh; Ramesses II increased the distance between his army divisions and attacking on multiple fronts. However it backfired and the pharaoh had to quickly send urgent messengers to hasten the arrival of separated divisions of his army. However, Muwatalli's chariots attacked one of the divisions, which was caught in the open and almost destroyed. Some of its survivors fled to the safety of the camp, but the Hittite forces pursued them. The Hittite chariots crashed through the camp's shield wall and began their assault, this created panic among the Ramesses II’s troops. Ramesses was deserted and surrounded by enemies.
    Alden Narrating: He prayed to the God Amun for aid, hoping they would not let the empire of Egypt fall. Suddenly from the heavens fell a great fireball that crashed into the invading forces; it blazed across their troops, taking out half the invading forces and forcing a retreat. Ramesses ordered his men to investigate the crater the ball of fire had left behind and they brought back a red jewel. For granting them victory Ramesses named this jewel the Orb of Amun as thanks. He picked up the orb to hold to his forces and claimed that this was proof the gods were on their side and that they could win any war, his eyes turned white and he fell to the ground. The next day he was he had awoken and said he had seen visions of his past and had lived his whole life until that moment, he then ordered his sculptors to craft 5 objects to be attached to the jewel to unlock his true power, saying these objects would draw power from the jewel and must not be separated because their power would fade with use and justified this demands by saying they were a message from the gods. They crafted them to Ramesses II specification and created a treasure called the Ka Amun (Soul of Amun). Ramesses II said that the Ka Amun had given him powers of Amun and with them he was able to see beyond the scope of pride and called a truce with Muwatalli II. The people were shocked; they demanded either an explanation or blood. Ramesses II called an audience to the steps of his palace and held up the treasure. He said unto his people that the Ka Amun had shown him that he could not defeat Muwatalli without destroying all of his people in the process.
    Alden Narrating: To prove this he promised to strike a blow at another area of Egypt in which outsiders had resided. He said with only his sons as witnesses he would begin campaigns in Nubia to reclaim the land. As he approached the boarder he stood in the face 10,000 soldiers with nothing more than the Ka Amun in his hands. In nothing more than a flash of dark some soldiers disappeared into black dust, others became bone, even more stood as if mummified (eyes white and mouths wide open), (a few more matching the descriptions of the artifacts you guys give, will be edited in later… obviously). When he returned he along with his sons told the people of his actions. Since then Ramesses II was never questioned and was considered the greatest Pharaoh in history. With the power of the orb he said he would gain immortality and be able to get Egypt back to its rightful seat of power among the nations. Under his rule and with the power of Amun at his side he did this and more. Ramesses II became accomplished all he had promised and lived long. He had many sons and many wives but nearly outlived them all. He grew old while everyone around him died; time and time again all that he loved would parish. He had grown tired of immortality and had given unto his 13th son, Banenre Merenptah, the Ka Amun during a ceremony he said that only the chosen may wield it and he believed Banenre would be able to wield the orb, and as he handed it to him Ramesses II died. Banenre Merenptah was considered unfit to rule and even more thought he had killed his father in front of everyone for the throne. To prove them wrong Merenptah held up the orb and proceeded to demonstrate its powers. He had fainted like his father before him when he had grasped the treasure but instead of waking up, he stood there lifeless. It was not soon before he was replaced but his successor Menmire-setpenre Amenmesse and said that the object was cursed and would only work for his father Ramesses II. The treasure was to be split apart into 6 pieces. The original Jewel that fell from the sky was to be cast into the Nile, 2 pieces were to be buried with his father, 1 sent to the North, one to the west and one to the east. However only the ones who buried the treasure in the tomb of Ramesses II came back, and the others never returned.
    P5. Professor: A bit modern. I wasn’t aware half those words existed in ancient Egypt.
    Alden: I modernized it a bit, but all the important details are there.
    Professor: Well we got what we came here for.
    Camel People Leader: Where are the artifacts? According to the story there are two here.
    *The professor and Alden pull out two separate artifacts from around their necks*
    Alden: We already have them.
    Professor: Alden and I meet each other through our fathers a while ago. They were researching the Ka Amun but there was a fire in their lab and about all we had left were these things and a few scraps of notes... I was there at the time and survived it. The last place they were going to was a temple in the middle of the ocean and this tomb was the last place they went before it happened.
    Camel People Leader: My apologies.
    Professor: Don’t worry about it. We were originally just going to wrap up their research and retrieve what was in the ocean temple but after salvaging a few notes we decided to try and reconstruct it, in honor of them. And now that we have a time frame we should be able to figure out some locations.
    Alden: We have what we need; I say we get out of here.

    P6. We skip to night to a desert campsite with many tents light up with lanterns and zoom into one tent where we see the professor looking at lots of books with Alden doing the same.
    Professor: ROME!
    Alden: What was that?
    Professor: I found this.
    The Professor holds up a book and points to a page
    Professor: This trinket pinning the toga of Marcus Ulpius Traianus. It looks just like one of the 5 objects Ramesses ordered his servants to create.
    Alden: That’s over 1000 years after Ramesses death. If what was on the wall was true its power would have faded long before that.
    Professor: That’s what I thought too, but if you take Ramesses words literally, the jewels deposits energy into the 5 artifacts and only in use do the energy begins to go away.
    Alden: Well Trajan did rule over Rome during its greatest point in history and it would explain a lot of his accomplishments. And it does look like one of those 5 artifacts… Ok so we got a name, now all we need is a location.
    Professor: What about the Trajan Forums? It was one of the greatest things he built. It would make sense to put your greatest treasure along with you greatest achievement.
    Alden: Make sense. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was just some front to hide it, and be full of traps as well.
    Professor: Yeah we’ll probably have to hire another expedition force while we’re at it/
    Professor: Well since I figured it out you can go make the arrangements and I’ll go to sleep.
    Alden: I would have figured it out eventually. Well whatever, enjoy you’re your nap.
    We skip to showing the professor tossing and turning in the tent, in his bed. We zoom to his face and into his mind where we enter the abyss and see a burning building. We hear voices coming from the building
    Unknown person – No! No! WHY? Why did you do this?
    Little kids voice – It was an accident.
    Another unknown voice – GET DOWN!
    A part of the house explodes, begins to collapse, and forms into a pyramid of fire then the professor wakes up suddenly breathing heavily.
    Professor: It was just a nightmare… just a nightmare… nothing more.
    He falls back to bed repeating that phrase and we transition to the next scene
     
  2. Loke
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    Loke New Member

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    Chapter 3 - 4
    Chapter 3
    P1. We skip a few weeks ahead to Rome and start the next chapter. We see Alden, Abasi, and the Professor along with a few others men exploring a few dilapidated Roman temples.
    Abasi: Why exactly am I here?
    Professor: Well were looking for some kind of switch or something to get to where Trajan hid his piece of the artifact
    Abasi: No I mean, why am I, your personal doctor here in the dirt looking for a switch when my job is to treat you medically?
    Alden: Funds are stretched as far as they can and we can use all the extra hands we can get.
    Abasi: I’m getting paid extra for this right?
    Professor: Well…
    Alden: WE FOUND SOMETHING! Get over here!
    Professor: Oh well look at that… We’ll discuss this later, but unless you want to maneuver your way through some deadly traps, I’ll meet you back at camp.
    Alden: Come on get over here already.
    We see everyone gathered around an entrance of a descending staircase inside of a stone building.
    Alden: This time I found it, so you organize the next expedition.
    Professor: Fine.
    Alden: You bring the lanterns?
    Professor: These guys have enough light to spare.
    Guy from the expedition group: It’s better if we all have a lantern, just in case we get separated.
    Professor: Fine I’ll get them, how many do we need?
    Alden: Just two.
    Professor: Anything else my lord, shall I bring the grappling hook to scratch you ass?
    Alden: No that will be all Watson.
    Professor: My names not Watson…
    Alden: No you see that was a joke…
    Moment of silence
    Guy from the expedition group: Soooo about those lanterns…
    Professor: Yeah I’ll go do that and Alden you can work on your humor…
    P2. We cut to a tent with two lanterns, one full of oil, and another one near empty.
    Professor: So one for me and one for Alden, which should I take…
    There are two lanterns:
    One that’s near empty of oil- Taking this one increase insanity, and the professor burns his hand on it as he first grabs it. Because of the burn he drops the lantern and it breaks a little leaking oil. The professor then says: Damn, well I suppose this is mine, I doubt Alden will take it and there’s no others around.
    One that’s full of oil– The fire on the lantern turns black and a women’s face appears screaming, and crying “Why? Why? Were they that important to you, didn’t I matter at all?” The professor falls to the ground and says: “No, no, you can’t hold me back anymore. You can’t hurt me anymore because you’re dead, this is nothing, you are nothing, and you’re DEAD!” and it fades away. The professor calms down and walks back.
    After picking a lantern the professor walks back to where everyone is gathered
    Guy from expedition team: Are you ok I heard screaming?
    Professor: Nothing just burnt my hand (works both way, as it could be a cover up for the “full oil” option).
    Alden: All right we have no idea what’s down here so be careful. You think that burn will slow you down?
    Professor: Not a chance. In fact I’ll lead!
    The professor accidentally triggers a trap and the cave starts to fall in. The professor jumps forward and everyone else jumps back and they are now separated by a thick wall of stone.
    Professor: (coughing) is everyone ok?
    Alden: (coughing) Yeah how about you?
    Professor: Considering I was nearly crushed to death, not half bad.
    Alden: Wait there we’ll try and dig you out.
    Professor: I’m going to go look up ahead.
    Man from expedition: Sir it’d be best for you to wait.
    Professor: Mind you I’m a fairly seasoned explorer; I admit I was a little rash but a bit of looking around can’t hurt.
    Alden: He’d walk off even if we said no anyways. Go on ahead just be careful.
    Professor: I’ll bring it back before you finish.
    P3. Roman Level starts here and I’ll continue the story as if the player finished the level.
    Professor: (inner thought) I… what was that, was that me or… I… I don’t know I should just get the artifact and go.
    The professor picks up the artifact and his eyes begin to glow.
    Professor: I should have waited for Alden…
    A light flashes and this is where the choices the player made so far.
    Choice Time:
    Low Insanity bar (lie ending) - Shows Alden, looking somewhat beat up, with a gun pointing at the professor who is accepting an award.
    High Insanity bar (true ending) – Shows Alden stabbing the professor and taking the Ka Amun from his hands as he falls to the ground and Alden standing over him with a look of anger and disgust.
    Professor: What was that? Alden was just… no just more than illusions…
    Professor (inner thought): But, the things I’ve been seeing are supposed to be of my past. Could this be the power of the new artifact? No, Alden would never hurt me like that, just more trickery… I hope…
    P4. Alden comes in.
    Alden: Sorry we’re late. I rushed here as fast as possible; I can’t believe you passed all those traps.
    Professor: They weren’t traps. They seemed more like tests.
    Alden: Either way I go to say that was impressive.
    Professor: Thanks, but enough with the compliments let’s get out of here.
    Alden: Yeah.
    Professor: You don’t want to get some notes? There’s a ton of writing on the wall it might be useful.
    Alden: I’m not good at that kind of stuff. Why don’t you do it?
    Professor: Oh what? Is the prodigy a little dry on his ancient Roman?
    Alden: No I just want to get back to camp so I can write a letter to Jessica.
    Professor: Don’t you mean Alice?
    Alden: No I mean Jessica, that whore you married who’s dead.
    Professor: There are jokes then there’s being an ass. Now take that back before I make you.
    Alden: I’m not joking, I’m very serious; it’s an important message after all.
    Professor: ALDEN!
    Alden: Dear Jessica: You needed fret about being lonely anymore, you’re dear husband will be with you soon.
    Professor: Alden?
    Alden: We can both use these artifacts. Who’d think that two users would know each other, let alone be in the same timeframe? It’s unthinkable, but it’s too bad you got the short end of the stick. You have the power of illusion and you can’t control it, and you started this journey hoping the whole artifact will save you.
    Professor: Be quite!
    Alden: Sorry I just can’t have you going crazy on me or something and stopping me from gaining the Ka Amun.
    Alden pulls out a gun
    Professor: You’re just an illusion, nothing more than some string of lies brought on by this piece of garbage.
    Alden fires the gun and it hits the professor causing him to bleed from his stomach. The professor falls unconscious because of the pain and is lulled back into the abyss
    P5. He awakens again in the ocean of the abyss. He sees the burning pyramid on the shore. He looks up and sees thunder clouds.
    Professor: That bastard shot me… but I don’t feel any pain. Just illusions, at least I think it was…
    A blood bust of Trajan (statue of head) falls into the ocean causing a title wave that sends the professor deep into the ocean.
    Professor (inner thought): Dream or not, I can feel the pain as if I’m really drowning. I’m going to die… NO!
    He starts swimming to the surface
    Professor (inner thought): No! I’ve come too far! I’ve done so much! I will not die here. No damn illusions will stop me, not test, and not ALDEN!
    P6. As he reaches the surface he awakes in a tent being examined by Abasi.
    Abasi: Calm down. You’ve been out for some time now.
    Professor: He shot me, where’s Alden?
    Abasi: What are you talking about? You don’t have a single bullet wound on you.
    Professor: But in the chamber he…
    Abasi: He and the expedition team found you collapsed grasping some artifact.
    Professor: Oh... I...I see...
    Abasi: How about you drop the act…
    Professor: Excuse me?
    Abasi: You know I’m a man of medicine, but I’m also a bit superstitious, and whatever is going on is not due to the information you provided me.
    Professor: It’s nothing.
    Abasi: I can refuse to treat you; I can call the police or the army. I’ve been busting my ass off trying to cure a man of a sickness I don’t know but he does. Now tell me just what the hell is going on.
    Professor: Fine, fine… A while ago my Father and Alden’s father were researching the Ka Amun, you know the artifact we told you about.
    Abasi: Yeah
    Professor: Well the one thing we knew about it was that they react to certain people but we’re not sure what the criteria are.
    Abasi: I see
    Professor: Well to make a long story short our fathers found the artifacts that were in Egypt. They brought it back and it seemed like both me and Alden could use them.
    Abasi: And?
    Professor: Well my power was that of illusion. It could show people anything I wanted. However I couldn’t control it and it started to affect me. I started to see the most horrible things and couldn’t stop it. One particular day it leads to me accidentally burning the lab our parents were working in down to the ground and Alden and I were the only survivors.
    Abasi: I’m sorry… but at least Alden has been helping you even though that happened
    Professor: He doesn’t know and I rather keep it that way…
    Abasi: You should tell him eventually, but for now please continue.
    Professor: Since then I’ve been working on a way to cure myself. Alden and I eventually figured out that only the completed Ka Amun can control the artifacts in unison. We’re hoping to end my suffering when we complete it.
    Abasi: So failing unconscious and going comatose was just due to the artifact.
    Professor: Yeah.
    Abasi: So what am I here for?
    Professor: The medicine you give me helps out a lot, but sometimes they still effect me.
    Abasi: I can’t battle magic.
    Professor: We’re not sure what it is, could be alien or something else. Either way I need you because you’re the best.
    Abasi: I appreciate the compliments but I’ll be leaving. You hired me to cure you of a disease not a curse.
    Professor: But…
    Abasi: I’ve ordered more than enough prescriptions to help you.
    He walks out and Alden walks in.
    Alden: Good to see you’re awake. Where’s Abasi going?
    Professor: He’s leaving. I told him the truth and he gave me some pills as a good bye present.
    Alden: I see… well I hope you’re well enough to hold a pen because you’re going to need to make some reservations.
    Professor: Why?
    Alden: I figured out the next location: El Dorado.
    Professor: The fictional city of gold?
    Alden: We’re wearing magical artifacts that give us super powers… Why is a Gold city such a stretch of your imagination?
    Professor: Well… whatever, what did you find?
    Alden: An artifact covered in gold was in a picture of one of the books and low and behold it had symbols of one of the pieces of the Ka Amun.
    Professor: So it’s in a museum.
    Alden: No apparently all these pieces of gold have symbols relating to the Ka Amun so more likely than not it is in one of their temples.
    Professor: No one has found the place, just a general location.
    Alden: Yeah but I have something that can help.
    Professor: Ah you’re little power. It slipped my mind.
    Alden: Well you go make the arrangements since I will find it. You can skip the camping ground though I have a house up there.
    Professor: Oh yeah, that was a present to Alice right?
    Alden: Yep she always wanted to retire there. I bought the place ahead of time
    Professor: Well that’s just one less thing I have to do. Well goodnight.
    Alden: Goodnight.
    P7. In a transition we are brought to the middle of the night and hear rustling outside the professor’s tent
    Professor: Anyone there?
    A man rushes in and smacks the professor on the head, knocking him out.
    In the morning we see the professor lying on the ground of his tent, he wakes up and runs to Alden’s tent to see its near empty.
    Professor: Alden wake up. I think we were robbed.
    Alden: WHAT?
    Professor: Not sure what happened they only took my wallet and supplies but left all the notes and stuff
    Alden: DAMN IT! Do you think it was it the Expedition team.
    Professor: They’re still asleep.
    Alden: Then who could’ve?
    Professor: We’re not exactly inconspicuous, could have just some damn kid looking for an easy target.
    Alden: What about the train tickets, how are we going to pay the team or even fund the trip/
    Professor: We still have the tickets since I kept our under my sleeping bag but as for the team… I suggest we get out of here while they’re still asleep.
    Alden: Don’t have much of a choice… Well hurry up let’s get the hell out of this God forsaken city.
    Fades to black and into the chapter title card

    Chapter 4
    P1. We see the Professor and Alden rummaging through a room
    Professor: You honestly think we’ll find anything?
    Alden: Doubt it, but if we can find some things to sell for supplies we can at least get the artifact.
    Professor: What about that letter you were expecting. You wrote about our condition to Alice right.
    Alden: Most of everything was sunken into this expedition and getting robbed wasn’t a part of the plan. And besides I didn’t really have the heart to tell her.
    Professor: Why not.
    Alden: I got a response back. It’s the letter on the table
    Professor: What’s it say?
    Alden: Read it yourself.
    The Professor picks up the letter and we switch to first person view looking at it.
    Professor: “Dear Alden: Jessie. Signed your loving wife”
    We switch back to normal view.
    Professor: I don’t understand.
    Alden: That would be the name of my daughter. Alice was pregnant when I left and I told her once she’s born to send me the name.
    Professor: Congratulations. You should be happy.
    Alden: For what? I can’t return to her. I’m stuck in the town till who knows when.
    Professor: I’m sorry.
    Alden: Don’t be. I’m just venting my frustration at the obvious.
    Professor: It’s ok.
    Alden: I’m surprised you didn’t ask about the name.
    Professor: Well she was your sister.
    Alden: Yeah but still. I’m surprised Alice went with it.
    Professor: It’s been a long time. I can’t say I’m over it, but I can imagine Jessica lives on in your daughter.
    Alden: Thanks. I was close to her and kind of see this as a way of honoring her. I wish I could be with them though
    Professor: BAH! Enough with the sad words let’s try and find something
    Alden: Yeah we…
    Alden looks down and sees something shiny then picks it up.
    Alden: HA! Found something.
    Alden holds up a necklace.
    Alden: Figured Alice left this here.
    Professor: You feel good about selling that?
    Alden: Considering we’re going to El Dorado we can always buy it back after taking a couple of bricks of gold.
    Professor: You got a point.
    P2. They laugh into a transition into a forest.
    Professor: I’m too old for this. It’s awful we couldn’t afford a team.
    Alden: Be lucky we could afford the supplies we have.
    Professor: I can’t wait to get some gold.
    Alden: Speaking of which we should be seeing it soon
    They cut down one last thicket of bush revealing a huge dilapidated golden city covered in vines and leaves. And around it you see skeletons dressed in robes and solider armor.
    Alden: More likely than not this place will be full of trap like everywhere else. We have to be careful.
    Professor: And more likely than not the artifact is in the center of the city.
    Alden: Seems a bit cliché don’t you think?
    Professor: Well in history the best things were either well hidden or showed off.
    Alden: I suppose.
    P3. We cut to them inside the golden temple and start the level. I’ll be writing the rest as if the level had ended as usual.
    Professor: Another artifact and another wall.
    Alden: There’s not much here but I’m not all that fluent in this language. It’s going to take me a while.
    Professor: So you just write it down and I’ll fill the bags with some gold.
    Alden: I’m not so sure?
    Professor: What do you mean?
    Alden: If we sell a lot of this gold more likely than not we’ll start a free for all and have people take all the gold and completely destroy its value or have some country fund its way to war. We might even get others interested in the artifact before we can cure you.
    Professor: It might not be traceable we should take something, even a coin.
    Alden: Well we are desperate... Ok take one coin, preferably one in poor condition so it can’t be traced.
    Professor: A bit paranoid but I suppose you’re right.
    Professor (speaking to self mentally): A bit too paranoid, I’m sure a few bricks can’t hurt.
    There is a pile of gold bricks and to the right of it a single coin:
    Single Coin (lying choice) – When the professor reaches up to pick up the coin the face begins to talk and says the words “tell the truth”. The professor jumps back and Alden ask is he ok and the professor says he tripped and then puts the coin in his pocket.
    Pile of Gold bricks (true choice) – Professor picks up the gold bricks and as he picks up a few he sees strands of hairs. He picks up more and more and sees the burning head of his dead wife that yells out “Tell the truth or the fire of the Ka Amun will consume you as it did your father”. The professor jumps back and Alden ask is he ok and the professor says he tripped. Alden asked how he tripped picking up a coin the professor blames his age then puts the coin is his pocket.
    Professor: I’d like to get out of here, are you finished yet.
    Alden: I was a bit more familiar then I thought. They have more in common to some languages I was an expert in. I was able to translate it.
    Professor: Say it back at the house.
    Alden: You might want to hear this now.
    Professor: What is it?
    Alden: Apparently these things are alive or rather I should say… conscious.
    Professor: How did you come to that conclusion?
    Alden: Apparently one of the ones who originally created this temple gave a more accurate detail of his experience with the artifact. And it seems it relies on truth.
    Professor: What do you mean?
    Alden: The wall is to damage to give an accurate description, all it says is “through truth is power achieved”. So I assumed these things are conscious enough to tell a truth from a lie.
    Professor: Do you know how it works at all?
    Alden: I assume anyone who lives a life of a lie like with or believes a lie like Merenptah thought he deserved to inherit the power of the Ka Amun from Ramesses.
    Professor: That’s certainly significant but it doesn’t give us the whole picture.
    Alden: But it does get us one step closer.
    Professor: What do you think would happen if they lie?
    Alden: Some kind of punishment I suppose.
    Professor: Well if that’s all let’s get of here.
    P4. We cut to see the professor and Alden exiting the temple.
    Alden: Mind if I take a look at the coin.
    Professor: I’ll show it to you later.
    Alden: It’s not that I don’t trust you but with what’s been going on and our condition I need to take charge. Let me see the coin.
    Professor: Fine.
    The professor pulls the coin out of his pocket.
    Professor: Would you like to check my bag too?
    Alden: No it’s fine I was just curious of the condition. Had to make sure it was something we could sell.
    Professor: It’s fine let’s just hurry back
    If you picked the gold bricks the professor has an inner thought about dumping then in fear of being discovered by Alden, he then quickly drops the bag containing it.
    We cut to seeing Alden and the professor at the room surrounded by papers
    Alden: Damn it! That coin didn’t get us anything and we’re stuck in Columbia without a cent to our name.
    Professor: We should have taken a few bricks.
    Alden: And start an international war!
    Professor: Calm down things will work out.
    Alden: I have a wife and a daughter to look after and not a cent to our name. I don’t have room for optimism unlike you who has nothing!
    The professor punches Alden in the face
    Professor: Sister or not, don’t you dare bring her up. I’ve suffered enough.
    Alden: Sorry I… I was just frustrated.
    Professor: Alice should have more than enough funds to sustain herself for a while until she can work.
    Alden: You’re right. She’s smart enough to get on her feet even in a bit of trouble.
    Professor: Besides we could always sell the house and go back home until the funds return.
    Alden: We can’t, this house isn’t exactly mine.
    Professor: What do you mean?
    Alden: It’s stolen or rather no one owns it.
    Professor: What?
    Alden: The house was up for sale and we, more or less, got it from someone who didn’t own it. I was too prideful at the time to tell Alice but basically we can’t do anything with it.
    Professor: Why can’t we just sell it to some local or just con it off on someone.
    Alden: The locals know about this place and this isn’t exactly a tourist-infested city.
    Professor: So we really are stuck here…
    Alden: Why do you think I was so angry?
    Professor: We got a mountain of gold we can’t touch, a house we can’t sell, and not a penny to our name.
    Alden: Looks like it.
    Professor: We’re going to be here for a while.
    Alden: Yeah
    Professor: We need to get jobs or something. Even if it’s just enough to get back home we need to get back on our feet.
    Alden: It’s going to take a while before we can get the next artifact. Are you sure you got enough medicine to dull the illusions.
    Professor: I should be fine.
    Alden: Well we did a lot today for now I think we should sleep.
    Professor: You’re probably right. Hey sorry about the right jab.
    Alden: I got out of line and to be honest I kind of had it coming…. Well goodnight
    P5. We see the professor struggling in the night once again and zoom into his dreams. Inside the dreams we see him staring a golden coin on the shore of the dark ocean with the bust of Trajan in it.
    Professor: Jessica, is that you?
    Jessica Coin: Why did you do it?
    Professor: You wouldn’t help me when I need it most. You stood in my way and were going to let me die.
    Jessica suddenly comes from behind as a dead body and wraps her arms around the professor.
    Dead Jessica: I tried to help you but you scorned me. You scorned my love.
    Professor: You don’t exist you’re just a figment of my imagination.
    Dead Jessica: Why must you be so cruel? I’ve returned to see you again in your dreams.
    Professor: You’ve some to haunt my nightmares.
    Dead Jessica: Are you not happy to see me? Was only worth the measly coins I earned.
    The professor turns around to push her off but no one is there. He looks around and hears nothing but her voice.
    Dead Jessica: Was it all a lie. Did you only love me for the money I had.
    Professor: Silence.
    Dead Jessica: Why did you do it? Did you hate me so much? Why did you hate me?
    Professor: SILENCE.
    Dead Jessica: Was it because you had none. Was it because your failure of a man… no as a human being drove you to jealousy?
    Professor: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
    Dead Jessica: Well which was it? Hatred? Greed? Jealousy?
    The head of her corpse appears in front of the professor
    Dead Jessica Head: Why must you lie to my brother? Does he not deserve to hear about his dear old sister? Does he not deserve who killed our father? Does he not deserve to know his best friend killed everyone he loves?
    Professor: I… I…
    Dead Jessica Head: Tell the truth… tell him… YOU KILLED ME!
    The head of her corpse engulfs the professor, as he screams out a defiant no and wakes up to an empty room. He looks around still in shock and begins to cry while repeating “no” over and over again. From here we transition into the Next chapter.
     
  3. Loke
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    Loke New Member

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    Chapter 5
    The Moonlight Sonata stop playing the background and the level starts to become more wrecked and disgusting. Chapter 5
    P1. We see the Professor and Alden standing in a different house but still buried in papers.
    Professor: It’s been five years… five long years…
    Alden: Has the medicine shown any effect since last I asked?
    Professor: No in fact the illusions have grown stronger. It’s hard to tell the difference between truths and lies. I’ve tried to keep it to myself but after so much time passing I don’t think I’ve got long till my eyes see nothing but illusions.
    Alden: I tried to
    Professor: I know from my research that it has to do with ancient China and more likely than not the Great Wall.
    Alden: So all we have to do is scan through miles of stone?
    Professor: No… It was made by many different dynasties so more likely than not it’s one of the few artifacts that got passed down.
    Alden: So who was the last dynasty to make the biggest contribution to the wall?
    Professor: The Ming Dynasty was one of the last ones and they ended in Shanhai Pass. So our best bet would be there.
    Alden: Great. Although we probably won’t have enough for an expedition team, we’ve more than enough to make it there and get you cured.
    Professor: It’ll all be over soon…
    P2. We transition to the start of the level with Alden and the professor standing at some Chinese architecture. I figure the player would interact with the environment to find the entrance as a simple “find it” type of puzzle. And like usually will write the rest as if the level has ended.
    Professor: We did it. After 6 years we did it.
    Alden: We’re still not sure how the Ka Amun works. Let’s hope this wall has a bit more information.
    Professor: Well get to translating. I want these damn illusions to end.
    We have a transition card that shows that a few minutes pass
    Alden: Well looking at it... It confirms my theory…
    Professor: Being what.
    Alden: You’re hiding something…
    Professor: What?
    Alden: Truth… it’s all about truth…
    Professor: What do you mean?
    Alden: I always found that you were “cursed” and nothing has happened to me was odd. Granted my ability isn’t all that great but to have no negative effects.
    Professor: It’s just a lack of control you know that.
    Alden: No, it’s been way to long, you’ve had that thing for years and yet it only seems to only punish you with you not being able to use a single bit of its supposed power. So then I came up with another theory, I concluded it was some kind of backlash effect, like how Merenptah died after he wasn’t worthy, but I couldn’t figure out why you or anyone else wasn’t worthy of its power.
    Professor: Please Alden you’re my friend, whatever needs to be done…
    Alden: Don’t call me your friend... If what this wall says is right, then you’ve been lying to me this whole time.
    Professor: Alden, I just…
    Alden: After our fathers brought back the artifact an accident happened and you survived it. When your wife, MY SISTER, was murdered they couldn’t find the body or the killer.
    Professor: Alden…
    Alden: Say my name again and I swear I’ll kill you right here and now. This wall says that only those with a true hearts can use the artifact and those that lie; those with guilt, those who are impure with themselves will suffer. This whole damn time you’ve been hiding something from me and dragging me along for your own selfish needs.
    Professor: But, Alden…
    Alden pulls out and cocks a revolver
    Alden: What did I just say…? If you don’t tell me the truth I swear I’ll leave you here to die.
    Professor: This is nonsense, how can you trust that wall over me. Now just put the gun down and…
    Alden: Do you think this is new? I’ve been suspicious for a long time. I put on a fake face as you did with me when we walked around the world; I had hoped this really was just some curse but temple after temple started to show me the truth. Now I’ll ask you one more time: What happened to my father and my sister?
    P3. Automatic Decision Truth or lie (excluding the leaver choice which I probably won’t count as a major decision there are 3 choices, which ever choices were made determine what happens.):
    Professor tells the truth (lying choice) – The text of what happens is all below in red, also I assume this is some kind of cinematic flashback
    Professor: Which do you want to hear first?
    Alden: What happened to my Father?
    Professor: It was about a month after the team that included our fathers had come back from discovering the artifacts in Egypt. My father had finally let me come and see it since the lab would be fairly empty that day due to another project the company was working on. It was just me and him in the room with the artifacts at the time and after telling me a bit about it he had to rush off for some quick emergency and I was left alone with it.
    Professor: I picked up one of the artifacts and immediately felt the effects. I was able to project spectacular things with it, but they were all illusions. I rushed to tell my father what had happened and show him what I could do, but as I passed the chemistry department I ran into your dad and he caught me with it in hand.
    Professor: I was scared and I suppose I lost control of my powers and the artifact attacked your father.
    Professor: A ray of light struck his eyes and soon after he began to scream. He claimed to see horrible things and just kept throwing himself around trying to bash at the illusions.
    Professor: Eventually he hit something or spilled some chemicals and it caused a large sudden fire.
    Professor: After only a few seconds the whole lab and your father was engulfed in it… I was scared and I ran out of the building as fast as I could but also ran into my father…
    Professor: He saw the artifact in my hand and encroaching fire and demanded an explanation. But before I could say anything he yelled to get down
    Professor: He threw me to the ground and covered me with his body as a large explosion went off…
    Professor: I passed out after that so I’m not sure what happened… I just woke up to the firemen pulling me out from under my father...
    Alden lowers his head and arms (one with gun included) and mutters the following text.
    Alden: And Jessica… was it another accident… Tell me what happened
    Professor: When your father died you and your sister were left an inheritance however nearly everything I would have gotten was burned down the day of the accident.
    Professor: She was a bit more conservative with her spending and kept working as a pianist while I worked at the university.
    Professor: It wasn’t soon till the illusions got the best of me and I was thrown out.
    Professor: Jessica could see I was ill and for a long time and she suggested that I start taking therapy, but at best it only delayed the inevitable.
    Professor: We were researching the Ka Amun at the time and I had hoped that finding it and using it would cure me.
    Professor: I had told Jessica but she thought I was just grasping at straws. She said it would be better to stick with modern medicine then to waste money on a “chance”.
    The professor starts walking towards Alden and picks up a brick from the ground while Alden isn’t looking
    Professor: I remember the day well… Jessica was practicing for a recital, the one you missed to go to Columbia. She was playing her favorite song… the first movement of the Moonlight Sonata. She played beautifully, you would have been proud…
    Moonlight Sonata plays in the background
    Professor: I had begged her for the funds and she refused. I told her it was the only way but she turned me down saying that because of your crazy spending she would have to be more careful then ever and still felt any money she could spend would be better used in therapy.
    Professor: At that point I became fed up with the excuses and I decided that if she wouldn’t give me the money, I would take it…
    Professor: I picked up a knife from the kitchen and threatened her. She tried to calm me down but it didn’t work.
    At this point the professor is standing like a foot away Alden with a small brick in his hand behind his back
    Professor: She tried to grab my arm and somehow she got stabbed in the stomach.
    Professor: She fell to the floor and said “I tried to help you” and I just stared at her while she started to die.
    Professor: I tried to clean the area and at one point found some of her funds she was hiding away.
    Professor: Soon the police started to investigate but with funds I found I was able to pay them off… Days passed and soon people started asking questions and I pretended to go along with everyone in not knowing what happened.
    Professor: But I knew… I knew… I killed Jessica
    Alden drops to the ground and begins to mutter to himself
    Alden: I could have stopped it. I could have been there… I could have stopped you… and I still can…
    Alden picks up his gun and points it to the professor but the professor is already swinging the brick at Alden’s head and the professor hits him.
    Professor: I’m sorry Alden but now that I’ve told you the truth I can finally end these illusions and stop my madness.
    The professor takes Alden artifact and begins walking out the tomb. We cut to him exiting the tomb and closing it behind him along with blocking the entrance.
    Professor (inner thought): I can’t tell anyone about this but I can make up for it. Alden I’ll help you, I’ll raise your daughter for you and look after Alice as retribution. I’m sorry old friend but here is where you die…
    We cut to a transition of a few months later and start the “light celebration level”.

    P4. Professor Lies (true choice) – The professor says that he has nothing to tell and tries to convince Alden that he’s wrong but before he can try Alden shoots him in the chest and the professor falls to the ground and the bellow conversation happens.
    Alden: You just couldn’t do it, could you? You were always worthless and always made selfish decisions based on your own survival. You always thought of yourself.
    Alden throws the gun to the other side of the room then walks up to the professor and drops a bullet on him.
    Alden: I’m not going to torture you for a long time like you did with me, by dragging me all over the world. That gun is empty and this bullet works just fine. Use it to finish yourself off.
    Professor: You can’t just leave me here… I can tell you the truth if you give me another chance.
    Alden: Just shut up and die. You deserve 20 magazines empty into your body for what you’ve done. Be glad it’s just 2 bullets. My Father was a great man and Jessica was going to be successful women…
    Professor: Don’t leave me here… Don’t kill me…
    Alden: Like how you killed my father and sister! She had dreams of being a concert pianist and playing her favorite song, the Moonlight Sonata around the world….
    Moonlight Sonata plays in the background and repeats till the end of the level.
    Alden: I’m going to walk out of here and close the tomb behind me. I’ll tell everyone back home you died because of a trap.
    Alden rips the artifact from the professor’s neck with his shirt (or something so he’s not physically touching it)
    Alden: A little something else I figured was that you don’t need to be in contact with this to affect you. So I suggest you kill yourself quickly.
    Professor: You can’t use it; the Ka Amun won’t work for you… My death makes that a fact
    Alden: I don’t want to use it; I just want to make sure this curse doesn’t consume anyone else. I’m going to find a way to destroy it…
    Professor: I need it to cure me. What this wall says is nonsense.
    Alden: You’ll be dead from either this bullet or from bleeding. Good bye.
    Alden starts walking away and we switch to first person view seeing his hand stretching out towards Alden
    Professor: Alden no… you’re not this kind of person. Alden please come back, just stop and let’s talk about this. No… PLEASE NO! COME BACK HERE ALDEN! COME BACK DAMN YOU! DON’T LEAVE ME TO DIE! ALDEN! ALDEEEEEEEEEN!
    The professor blacks out and then wakes up in a Chinese hospital with no one around. He looks at his body and sees it has been wrapped in bandages. He gets up and starts walking for the door but then his dead wife walk looking like a doctor
    Dead Wife Doctor: Zhǔxí xiānshēng, nǐ hǎo ma? (Sir, are you ok?)
    Professor: No not again...
    The professor pushes the doctor out of the way stumbles around the hospital seeing abyss hospital fusion with images of his dead wife and some guy over and over again. Then we cut to him exiting the hospital and he sees city that looks old and falling apart with references to his past like some of the buildings are on fire and the ground is drenched in blood to the point he’s walking ankle deep in it.
    Professor: Where the hell am I… this… this is all an illusion. I… I have to get out of here; I have to remain calm… I…
    We see a flashback of Alden saying he’s going to destroy the Ka Amun and he falls to the ground making a splash in the blood. He gets picked up by doctors and placed on a stretcher. He has another flashback of Alden shooting him then we go into first person view and some of the illusions start to fade away after a couple of faded illusions he looks up to the passing lights and starts speak to himself via inner thought.
    Professor (inner thought): Alden… he shot me. I thought I died back there.
    The phrase “Sìmiào” (means temple in Traditional Chinese) being said in the background over and over again.
    Professor (inner thought): I remember that phrase… It means temple I think… I heard it while Alden and I were searching for the ruins. They must have found me in there… somehow
    Professor (inner thought): That would explain why I’m alive… but I don’t have any connection with reality… I can barely tell anything apart anymore… maybe I’d be better off dead…
    Another illusion of his dead wife appears
    Professor (inner thought): No I… I REFUSE. I’ve been through far too much… I’ve done too much for me to give up here. If I survive this I’ll take back the Ka Amun from Alden no matter what and cure myself of this damn curse. I’m not sure how… but I swear I will…
    The professor Blacks out and we start the “bad” celebration from here.
     
  4. Loke
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    Loke New Member

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    Chapter 6 - End
    Chapter 6 (Light Celebration)
    P1. We see a women looking at a picture of Alden with the professor in a suit walking in.
    Professor: It’s time to go Alice, are you ready?
    Alice: Yes I’m just…
    Professor: I miss him too, but you have to be strong for Jessie.
    Alice wipes a tear from her face
    Alice: I know it’s what he would have wanted.
    Someone knocks at the door
    Professor: Ah that would be the sitter, I better get that.
    Alice: Um... I… I want you to know I really appreciate this. Taking care of me and Jessie and I’m sure Alden would appreciate it too if he knew.
    Professor: It’s not a problem.
    Someone knocks at the door louder
    Professor: I better go get that, you finish getting ready.
    Alice: Yeah and um… thanks.
    We skip to seeing the professor and Alice walking into a building with a banner saying “Welcome to the opening of the Alden Wing Celebration”. A man walks up to the professor and shakes his hand excitingly.
    Man: Ah professor it’s great to see you.
    Professor: Great to see you too
    Man: This must be your wife.
    Alice: No, I’d actually be the wife of Alden.
    Man: Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…
    Alice: It’s not a problem you couldn’t have known
    Man: Well you’re a very strong woman for coming to this.
    Alice: Well when I was told there would be a wing built at the University, in honor of my late husband, for researching the artifacts you brought back, I felt I had to come.
    Professor: It just seemed like the right thing to do since he went through so much.
    Man: Well let’s walk around a bit.
    We transition to the height of the party with tons of people around.
    Man: Ah, it’s almost time to make the presentation. You should probably go check that everything’s ok.
    Professor: Yeah that would be for the best. I’ll be back in a few minutes Alice.
    We transition to the start of the level where he discovers the broken artifact/medal.
    Professor: How is that possible, I had it assembled yesterday? Some moron must have broken it. I should still have the notes somewhere…
    After you finish the puzzle, Alden walks in wearing a suit.
    Alden: Was it worth it
    Professor: Alden, you’re alive!
    Alden walks out the door and the professor chases after him but he’s gone.
    Professor: But I was sure he was…
    Moonlight Sonata starts to play in the background
    Professor: What the hell…
    We transition to the professor walking towards the center hall to the piano player.
    Professor: Sir could you possibly switch to a different song.
    Piano Man: I just started playing and it was a special request from the man over there.
    The professor turns his head to see it and we see Alden in the crowd raise his glass to him. The professor runs over to see him but the “Man” from earlier stops him.
    Man: Where have you been, I’ve been trying to introduce you to someone all night.
    Professor: No, I need to…
    Man: Oh come on now whatever it is, it can wait.
    Professor: But I…
    Man: This is Jasmine; she’s been trying to meet you all night.
    The woman turns around and looks like his dead wife and (the dead wife puzzle) activates. I’ll write it as it’s over.
    Professor: I… I have to go… see Alice
    Professor (inner thought): What the hell is going on? I haven’t seen any illusions since I got back from china... Why are they starting up again?
    The other light celebrations levels start here but because I don’t have the details I can’t write them in so I’ll end the level here.
    Professor: I’ve got to get out here and just lie down. I’ve paid my dues so why is the artifact still affecting me.
    The man from before taps on the professor’s shoulders
    Man: Are you alight? I’ve been calling you and you’ve been in a daze. You were supposed to be on stage a few minutes ago.
    Professor: No, I have to go home.
    Man: You’re the star of the party you can’t go now.
    Professor: But I...
    Alden grabs his shoulder.
    Alden: Come on old friend. You worked hard on this.
    The professor stands in shock with a terrified face.
    Man: Ah sir I’ve seen you around and about. Are you a friend of the professor?
    Alden: Yes we have quite the history… but I’ll tell you later. We’ve got to get this man on stage.
    Professor: You can… you can see him?
    Man: Yes I can see him; he’s standing right there...
    Alden: Are you ok? You’re acting like you’ve seen a ghost?
    Man: Probably just stage fright. Don’t worry about it, you’ll do fine.
    The professor starts walking towards the stage and is stopped by Alice/
    Alice: Hold on a second
    Professor: I have to get to the stage.
    Alice: Wait a minute!
    Professor: What is it?
    Alice: I… I thought I saw Alden…
    Professor: That’s impossible.
    Alice: I swear I saw him talking to the pianist, and walking around this whole time.
    Professor: You’ve got to calm down. I’ll go make the speech and we’ll get out of here.
    Alice: But I swear I saw him.
    Professor: We both know that’s impossible, I’m just going to make my speech, get my medal and get out of here.
    The professor in a cold sweat walks on stage and begins to make a speech.
    Professor: I, um… I’m not sure what to say. This whole event was in honor of an old friend. He helped me get these artifacts and he died during an expedition. When I got back from gathering the artifacts I returned to the university and showed the legendary treasures to them. They were so amazed that they wanted to hire a team to study it and commit an entire wing for their research. I even had the chance to have it named after me for bringing it back, but I had to ask for them to name it after the man who sacrificed his life to help me bring this back home.
    The crowd starts to clap and Alden slowly walks on the stage to everyone’s shock.
    Alice: ALDEN!
    Alden: Hello Alice, my apologies for not seeing you immediately but I had to take care of something.
    Professor: You died… I saw you die… I
    Alden: You tried to kill me… You left me for dead in the middle of China
    Professor: You’re a liar, just another illusion.
    Alden: Everyone sees me… I’m not an illusion… I survived…
    Professor: But how?
    Alden: You should have been a bit more subtle in your exit; someone entered the temple soon after you left me for dead and saved me. After that it was just a matter of trying to smuggle myself back…
    Random Person in the Crowd: What’s going on here?
    Alden: This man you’re about to reward is a murderer…
    Crowd gasps.
    Alden: You just couldn’t be honest with yourself. You were always a selfish piece of shit.
    Professor: That’s not true.
    The dead Jessica that he danced with starts talking
    Dead Jessica: Actual you are… You have failed…
    Professor: Failed what? What are you talking about?
    Alice: You’ve lied to yourself. You’ve chosen a false memory. You have a false heart.
    Professor: Just what the hell is going on here?
    Man (one from beginning of chapter): You choose to take the test of the Ka Amun and have failed. Not only was your heart impure but you tried to lie about it and change your memories.
    Professor: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! Stop spouting such lies, stop playing that damn piano, and stop this madness!
    Dead Jessica: As punishment for trying to manipulate your memories and lying to us, you’re heart will be taken by the abyss.
    Professor: Please no… I didn’t lie about anything. I told the truth to Alden and I made up for my crimes.
    Alden: You never told me the truth.
    Professor: I did, I remember it.
    Alden: No you only think you did… In reality you lied…
    Professor: In reality? What do you mean?
    Dead Jessica: This is the Test of the Ka Amun. It was always a test. You were to relive you’re memories but you choose to run away from the truth.
    Professor: I don’t understand.
    Alden: You’ve made the wrong choices… You have failed… Goodbye old friend
    The professor body starts oozing darkness from every part of his body. He tries to run out of the building but all the doors are locked. Soon the darkness starts to fill the floor of the room and he starts to sink into the darkness. He tries to fight it but soon the player can see nothing but darkness and the credits roll with an ending message showing the player they’ve gotten the bad ending.

    Chapter 6 (Dark Celebration)
    P1. We see the professor exciting a boat from a harbor and sneaking around the docks.
    Professor (inner thought): I have to find Alden, but I have no Idea where I am.
    While the professor is hiding behind a crate a car stops fairly close to him and a man walks out. The professor looks at the license plate (unreadable to the player) and the following text occurs.
    Professor: I’m home!?! I can’t believe I got on the right boat…
    The professor looks into the car and still sees the keys in them. He looks around and doesn’t see anyone. He runs towards to car, steals it, and drives off.
    Professor (inner thought): I have to get the artifact but I need to get home first…
    The professor looks in the rear view mirror and in the back seat of the car we see the professors dead wife (it’s just a jump scare). He screeches the car and crashes it into a ravine. The professor is battered and bruised but alive. He walks out of the car and hobbles himself out of the ditch.
    Professor: I will not let this curse stop me…
    We transition to him walking up to the front door a house with a car in the driveway and the camera pans to show us looking at the door from the inside with bang sound effects. The professor breaks down the floor and falls to the ground and tries to stand up. He starts to hear Moonlight Sonata play and looks around to see his wife playing the piano.
    Professor: Jessica?
    P2. He reaches his hand out and starts to black out and enters the abyss. We see him floating in the ocean again looking up to the sky.
    Professor: Of course not… Of course it wasn’t her.
    A Chinese symbol appears in the clouds above him and the light coming from behind the clouds starts to blind him. He wakes up looking into the carpet and get’s up. He looks around and sees the “dark world” where the illusions of the abyss and the real world have fused together and from here the level starts.
    Professor: Am, I still in the abyss? Is this even an illusion anymore? Just what
    Professor: The world is starting to fall apart I have to do something.
    The professor looks over to the piano.
    Professor: The song! The song stopped playing; it must help stabilize the world for some reason…
    At this point you have to play the piano if you fail the world starts to change and your insanity increases, when you succeeded the world starts to stabilize.
    Professor (inner thought): I’m going to be ok; I’m going to be ok…
    Professor: Ok I need to drive over to Alden’s and get the Ka Amun. I’ll need something to knock him out or something… There should be something upstairs.
    The professor starts walking upstairs and enters his bedroom and sees Jessica lying in the bed. The room suddenly shatters and the “puzzle room” mission starts. Once completed the image of Jessica fades away and the professor picks up a blunt object. He walks out of the room to see the world starting to fall apart again.
    Professor: No! Not again…
    The professor listens out to hear the song playing and it’s being played very softly in the background.
    Professor: I can still hear it… but it’s fading away. For now I have to get out of out of here and to Alden’s house.
    We start the “find the key” puzzle where the professor has to navigate his house to find the keys.
    Professor: I don’t hear the song anymore and the world has become too distorted...
    Through a cut scene the professor starts to replay the song but after the first note he makes a startling discovery.
    Professor: The keys aren’t playing the same notes, but I don’t have a choice. I have to figure out how to play the song…
    The “second piano” playing puzzle starts.
    Professor: I can’t believe I was able to figure it out, but I have to get out of here before the world starts to fall apart again.
    P3. The professor rushes to the door and when he opens it, he sees he has just walked into the Abyss.
    Professor: I can’t escape it… No matter what I do or where I run I just can’t escape coming back here.
    The symbols of the previous levels start to light up.
    Professor: It seems the memories of the past are calling to me…
    The professor dives into the ocean and is warped to an Atlantis puzzle.
    Professor: This seems different somehow… I need to check my notes to see how I did it.
    The professor looks into his notebook to see nothing but the skewed scribbling of madness
    Professor: What the hell happen to my notes? I have to fix this…
    The note rearrangement puzzle starts here.
    Professor: I did the best I could, but this puzzle still seems different...
    The re-doing of the puzzles from previous stages starts here. After solving the last one the professor wakes up in the altered world.
    Professor: Enough of this, I have to get the artifact.
    P4. We transition to the professor parking near another House which now looks like a monster. The “monster” house puzzle starts here (which was more or less the find a way to enter the house and a re-hash of the “get the key” mission with the goal being the artifact instead of finding the keys). The piano in the background stops playing completely, and you here banging around the house instead,
    Professor: What was that?
    Through some contrived way he sees monsters downstairs but they don’t see him. He rushes back to the room where he got the artifact for safety.
    Professor: What the hell were those more illusions? I can’t even tell anymore.
    The professor hears them coming upstairs.
    Professor: Whatever they are I have to get rid of them if I’m going to escape…
    We start the “kill the monster” puzzle. After the player completes it we see the professor with the artifact in hand walking out of the house and the world around him starting to return to normal. He gets in the car and leaves. We see him return to his house with all the artifacts and the last puzzle is putting it together. Once it is complete the world around him starts turning to normal.
    Professor: Everything is fixed… I’m done with this damn curse.
    He starts jumping for joy.
    Professor: I’m cured! I’m finally cured!
    Chapter 7 (True Ending)
    P1. A day passed and there is a knock at the professor’s door. He goes to answer it and there’s a police man at the door.
    Professor: Hello there officer. Is there a problem?
    Police: There’s been a recent case involving a friend of yours. One of his neighbors told you us you were close so I’ve come to deliver some news.
    Professor: I heard he was robbed from someone else, there’s no need to tell me but I appreciate the effort. Now I must
    Police: Sir he was murdered…
    Professor: What?
    Police: I’m sorry to say this but your friend, along with his wife were murdered
    We flash to the mangled bodies of the monsters and after a flash of white we see that it’s human bodies of Alden and Alice.
    Professor: No… this can’t be true… THIS CAN’T BE TURE!
    Police: Sir I’m sorry, but you have to calm down. At the moment we don’t have any suspects. The neighborhood was nearly empty due to some celebrations of some artifacts your friend found, so no one saw anything.
    Professor: Do you think I’m a suspect. I’ve been home for quite some time.
    Police: We know someone told us that your friend told them you were helping him do research so you didn’t go to any of the celebrations.
    Professor: So why are you here?
    Police: We have to ask you some questions about him like possible enemies or rivals.
    Professor: I’ll answer what I can…
    Police: As I’m sure you know they had a daughter. We were told you and him were close so I figured I asked you if you might want to adopt her.
    Professor: Adopt her?
    Police: At the time of the crime she was at a sitter and at this point she would have to be put up for adoption anyway.
    Professor: Aren’t there any other family?
    Police: We looked and so far there aren’t any family members…
    Professor: I don’t have much of a choice then. Where is she?
    Police: She’s in the squad car. I’ll go get her
    The police officer walks to the car and opens up the door. Jessie jumps out and we see she looks just like a child like version of Jessica with a very sad face and a mole under her eye.
    Jessie: Are you going to take care of me?
    Professor: Yes, I’m an old friend of your parents and I’m going to look after you from now on.
    Jessie: Thank you.
    Police: I’ll bring the papers by a little later so we can make it official. And once again I’m sorry…
    Professor: Thank you officer.
    Jessie looks up and smiles and we flash to a now white abyss. There’s nothing around and all of a sudden we see Jessica appear, but instead of looking dead she looks perfectly healthy.
    Jessica: You did well.
    Professor: Are you another illusion? What happen to Jessie?
    Jessica: It’s all over now. You’ve passed the test. You lived the memories that blackened your heart.
    Professor: Lived the memories? What are you talking about? And why are you here?
    Jessica: You took the test of the Ka Amun and passed. As to why I’m here it’s because this form holds a large place in your heart
    Professor: I haven’t taken any test as of yet, and what do you mean by form? Are you saying you’re not Jessica?
    Jessica: You’ll come to realize what you done soon. Goodbye
    Jessica starts to walk away and we shift back to the study at the beginning of the game and the professor gasping in shock and breathing heavily. He looks around to see nothing other then the shattered dishes.
    Professor: Was she in here?
    The professor gets up from his chair but he puts the Ka Amun in a safe the camera pans to show the same women at the beginning with her face still hidden. The professor turns and notices her and suspiciously closes the safe very fast.
    Professor: What are you doing here? I told you not to come in if I didn’t call you.
    Woman: I already saw it. There’s no need to hide it…
    Professor: Look I can explain.
    Woman: Don’t bother. I was always suspicious; I always found it odd they never caught the murders.
    Professor: Jessie it’s not what you think.
    The face of the women is shown and it’s the adult version of Jessie face now and she looks just like Jessica except for the mole under her eye.
    Jessie (a.k.a. Woman): Shut up! You killed my parents and that artifacts the proof! I remember it as a kid and I remember it was the ONLY thing stolen from us.
    Professor: It’s was nothing; just go back to your room and…
    Jessie: NO!
    Jessie pulls out a gun and points it at the professor.
    Jessie: Why did you do it? My mother used to tell me you guys were best friends, so why did you kill him.
    Professor: You’re being irrational just calm down and…
    Jessie shots the professor in the leg.
    Jessie: Why did you adopt me? Did you feel sorry for me because you killed them or did you get some sick pleasure from it?
    Professor: It was the artifacts. They drove me to all this!
    Jessie shots the professor in the shoulder.
    Jessie: Stop lying! They’re just old rocks.
    Professor: No you see these things affected me when I was younger and they made me do things. I had no control over what I did. I know this might not mean anything but I’m sor…
    Before the professor can finish speaking Jessie pulls the trigger again and again emptying the bullets into his body. She falls to her knees and starts to cry. We see an overhead shot and slowly zoom into the pool of blood accompanied to “Moonlight Sonata” and once the screen is filled with the blood the credits start to roll and the player is told they’ve completed the true ending along with some message like “The truth may set you free, it can also hurt you, and with the only other option being to drown in dark lies. What would you choose?”
     
  5. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    1. this is not the right place to post work for review
    2. you need to pay attention to the description for each section to see what goes there and what doesn't
    3. when you do post something for review, you don't hide it in 'spoiler' post
    4. you should never post a complete work, just brief excerpts if you want feedback on your writing or help with an issue
    5. you need to go down to the info/intro sections at the bottom of the sections menu page and introduce yourself and study the site's rules 'n regs where you'll find out how/where/when to post work for critique/help
    6. meanwhile, welcome to wf.org!
     

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