1. Mousie
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    Mousie Contributing Member

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    Mousie's Sickeningly-Girlie Question

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Mousie, Jun 4, 2008.

    So, one of my friends asked a really weird question, and I think I might've figured it out, but I don't know if it makes sense. Most of you are older and smarter than I am - maybe you know?

    Aparently, one of my friends' friends had a pretty bad experience with a loved one or something, so her "perception of love is kind of messed up" (that's how my friend put it, anyway). So, out of curiousity, he asked me and two of my other friends what we thought love was.

    I didn't say anything, but my other friends both said something along the lines of "when you meet someone you want to be with for the rest of your life".

    I don't think that's right. I mean, maybe that's a kind of love, but that's not all it is, is it?

    I know I'm probably wrong, but I think maybe if you love someone, it means you like being with them, and you want to make sure they don't get hurt. You want them to be happy, and if you know they're happy, then you're happy, too. But maybe I'm getting mixed up?

    Maybe it's because I've always been really shy, and never really had a lot of friends. When I changed schools, I met a group of girls, and now they're like sisters to me. I love them all very much, but it's not the kind of love my two friends mentioned when they were asked what love was.

    Or maybe I don't "love" them, and I'm just confused? I don't know.

    Um, sorry if that made no sense. This is my first time putting those kinds of thoughts into words like that. :redface:
     
  2. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Mousie, you make perfect sense.

    Love means never having to say you are sorry is the crappiest line from a movie I have ever heard.

    Why would you not say you are sorry to the one you love when you say it to everyone else when you need to.

    now onto your question.

    I met my husband and 6 weeks later we were married.
    32 years and we are still together.

    Have my feelings changed? yes most definetly.
    they have to. Life changes so why would love become stagnant.
    we have raised 2 boys we have lived through a year of unemployment, we have lived through many years of great money, we have lived through years of moving to follow the jobs.
    If my love for Don didn't change we would not be together because I loved him as a young good looking man.
    He is still good looking in my eyes but certainly not the good looking of our meeting.

    You probably do love your friends just not in the romantic style of love.
    You do not love your parents the way you love your friends either.

    There are so many different types of love out there and during your life you will experience many of them.
    Don't confuse them because it will lead to many broken dreams if you do.

    "I know I'm probably wrong, but I think maybe if you love someone, it means you like being with them, and you want to make sure they don't get hurt. You want them to be happy, and if you know they're happy, then you're happy, too. But maybe I'm getting mixed up?"

    No you are not mixed up.
    When I know my family is safe, happy, and in good health my days are much sunnier. I love them all and when things are not going right with them I spend my days worrying. That is love as well.
    Different types of love are.
    romantic love
    mother love
    practical long term love.
    friendship love
    that is just a few.
    hope this answered you and didn't confuse you more.
     
  3. Domoviye
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    Domoviye Contributing Member

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    That made sense, so don't worry about it.
    I agree with your idea. Thats how I feel about my fiance, so I asked her to marry me. When I first met her I wasn't interested in a relationship other than friendship, and that was only because I was bored and thought I could get some money out of it by teaching her English.
    Even when we started dating I wasn't thinking long term anything.
    It just slowly dawned on me that I was very comfortable around her, considered her my best friend, and like you said wanted to make sure she was protected and happy.
    So no your idea isn't girly, its an accurate description of certain types of love. Your friends 'love at first sight' idea is girly. And generally unrealistic.
     
  4. Eoz Eanj
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    Eoz Eanj Contributing Member Contributor

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    And this is why english is too simple a language.

    If we all spoke hebrew this wouldn't be a problem.
     
  5. Banzai
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    Banzai One-time Mod, but on the road to recovery Contributor

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    I concur, Eoz. Hebrew needs a comeback.
     
  6. Raven
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    Raven Banned

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    I kinda like speaking English. :p
     
  7. Spider
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    Spider Member

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    Spider's sickeningly-girlie response =P


    Love is being able to spend hours in their company and never having to say a word.
    Love is feeling so comfortable around someone you are for once comfortable in your own skin.
    Love is adoring someone so much you take photos of them and store them away and just looking at them can make you smile.
    Love is waking up in the morning and realizing things aren't as bad as you thought because you wake up to see their smile.
    Love is being able to cry on someones shoulder and not feel ashamed.
    Love is being able to look two years, five years, twenty years, into the future and still see yourself at their side.
    Love is arguing about what your first child should be called (even though the thought of having a child scares you both senseless.)
    Love is being strong enough to say, I'm sorry, I was wrong.
    Love is being able to look the other person in the eyes and admit your mistakes.
    Love is accepting that you are two different people, but that somehow you work together.
    Love is knowing that there will be arguments and mistakes, but carrying on despite it.
     
  8. Rumpole40k
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    Rumpole40k Banned

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    Love is a committment. Ok this may not sound romantic but feeling will ebb and flow. There will be days when the sight of the other person will take you to Heaven. There will be other days when they are taking a nap and you just want to put a pillow over their face and count to a million. Most days fall somewhere in between. What gets us through the "pillow" moments and to the niext Heaven moment - committment.
     
  9. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    It is different for everybody I believe.
    I think for me...love is trusting...without exception, It's sacrifice by giving of yourself completely for the sake of the other.
    After the heated passion fades, love doesn't always feel good...often it isn't felt until it is threatened.
    BTW~Lust and desire should NEVER be confused with love. Love is what remains when the dust settles and the passion becomes an ember.:p

    God let me find it...;)
     
  10. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Chimmy I have to disagree.
    Love is trusting YES
    But not without exception.

    ex. I trust my husband with my life but not always without exception.
    We were canoeing and had to either back track through rapids or have myself and my two very small children one was 6 months old the other was 3 stay in the canoe while Don was on shore with a tiny rope pulling us through a set of rapids that were not small.
    Now I know he knew how to tie ropes and I knew the nylon rope though tiny was quite strong enough.
    I will say we made it safe and sound and even dry but trusting him entirely
    was not among my outermost thoughts.

    So yes you have to trust but not blindly or totally.
    I think if you did that would take away a part of who you are.

    And giving of yourself entirely.

    noway. love is compromise and sharing.
    if you give yourself entirely for his or her sake what is left for you to get
    out of the situation.
    eg. we hunt and fish and go camping for most of our holidays and weekends.
    I enjoy these but I also like to go to nice restaurants and sleep in my own bed at night.
    So we do more camping than restaurants but I do get to have my idea of a nice weekend every so often. More often now that we don't have to have 2 children to entertain. When we did money was tighter so camping it was because it was a less expensive holiday and one the boys loved.

    I tend to give in a lot more because I hate confrontations of any sort.
    But I don't argue I just manipulate things so that I do get to make the decisions or make it so Don thinks he is making the decisions while really it is me.
    just something you learn about love after 32 years of being in each others back pocket.
     
  11. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    There's so many ways that you can love someone, passion, committment, trust, respect... wallpaper that you both agree on... they're different concepts entirely - to me, anyway. I have often said that love is a primal word long since lost in the translations for 'need' and 'want'. :redface: Anyways, the best way I can desribe what love means to me is:

    Wanting to give someone the best of you, and trusting them with the worst of you.

    (That goes both ways, also).
     
  12. LibbyAnn
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    LibbyAnn Contributing Member

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    I 100% agree. Love is not a feeling, because feelings can come and go whenever they please. Love is dirty, messy, hard work. Love is apologizing first even though you still want to be angry and getting up with the baby even though it's not technically your night.

    I hear so many couples say that they've fallen "out of love" and then get a divorce. In my opinion (and it's only that), you can't fall out of love. You can choose to stop loving someone, or you can choose to push through the hard times and make it work.
     
  13. ChimmyBear
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    ChimmyBear Contributing Member Contributor

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    Oh...I love that line Mack...love it!!! I think I will place it in my "Favorite Quotes" journal...giving reference to you of course...;)
     
  14. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    :redface: Thanks! That's awesome. :D

    (lol... I'll be famous yet! :p)
     
  15. lessa
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    lessa Contributing Member

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    Love is having someone with a camera take a picture of you while you sleep.
    and not killing him when he shows it to you.

    all else is forgiveable.
     
  16. Scribe Rewan
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    Scribe Rewan Contributing Member

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    Love is having to be slobbered on and bitten by and attacked by a huge black puppy everytime time you visit your partner's house, just in order to see the girl you love, and doing so willingly! (And i really hate dogs)
     
  17. ValianceInEnd
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    ValianceInEnd Active Member

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    There is no such thing as love... haha just kidding.

    Love is a complex thing that I find it difficult to put a finger on. In the past I've felt like I was in love with someone, but in the end I found it to just be passing feelings. Yet with my family, love is pretty much exactly how Mousie put it. But I have yet to experience true love for someone other than a friend.
     
  18. Brenda Keesal
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    Brenda Keesal Member

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    I'm so touched by all of your posts. I believe that love, in all its forms, is our highest state, and really the best reason to be alive.

    Here's part of a well-known poem by Rumi:

    Out beyond ideas of
    wrong-doing and right-doing
    there is a field
    I'll meet you there.

    When the soul lies down in that grass
    The world is too full to talk about

    Ideas, language
    Even the phrase 'each other' doesn't make any sense
     
  19. mammamaia
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    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    romantic love is a societal construct... just lust with an acceptable name... falling in love is really falling in heat... those twittery, jittery feelings, the excitement, the desperation to 'be together' and angst when apart, is all more hormone-driven than mental...

    long-term love is more just being comfortable enough with someone else that you're able to maintain a lengthy relationship...

    the only 'pure' love is that of a mother for her child... see 'love & sex' on my site for a full rundown... http://saysmom.com/maia/content.asp?Writing=77

    love [the maternal kind!] and hugs, maia
     
  20. Crazy Ivan
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    Crazy Ivan Contributing Member

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    Well, according to my iTunes, love is: All You Need, Free, a Losing Game, All There Is, a Drug, Easy, Here to Stay, Teasin', the Sweetest Thing, and/or Blue. (Results may vary.)

    But if that answer doesn't suit you, try this: Love is a totally awesome and deep and amazing thing that humans can never hope to define or fully understand, but it's all the better for that.
     
  21. Wreybies
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    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    If there was one good answer to this question, I think two thirds of everying ever published would not exist.
     
  22. Writergrrl
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    Writergrrl New Member

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    I totally agree with this. Love is so much more than just a mutual affection between two people. And sometimes, that affection might be there, but the committment is not. Love can't really be defined. It's what you make of it. But, most importantly, it takes more than love to make a partnership work. Love isn't even the most important aspect of a partnership. But, when you find the right person to love your definition of what love is will expand.


     
  23. Torana
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    Torana Contributing Member Contributor

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    Love has many faces, that is why no one can say exactly what love is. Love has both a dark side, and then it has the most beautiful side you could ever imagine.

    Love is...evil, macabre, hate and anger filled, jealousy, cruel, insensitive, cold, empty, destructive, lonely, vulnerable, insecure, fear, anguish, control, devastating...etc.

    but then, it is also....pure, magical, bliss, joyous, beautiful, wamrth, mesmerizing, faith, loyalty, trust, pride, sharing, caring, hope, amazing, fresh, creative....etc.

    Love is everything, both good and bad. You can't say exactly what love is. No one can.

    The best way to describe love is:
    One hell of a roller coaster ride of emotions.
     
  24. Gone Wishing
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    Gone Wishing Contributing Member

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    lol - that reminds me of the Valentine I sent out this year. :)

    Love is like Disneyland - some people just want to go there for a brief and thrilling ride, others worry about how much it will cost... Me, I prefer to design and build my own attraction that only myself and one other can go on.
    ;)
     

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