Most of the time I don't even try to write fiction because I feel like I haven't mastered lesser forms of writing. I try to write a blog post or a letter, and absolutely nothing comes to my mind. I have to struggle just to think of a single topic. Imagine trying to write a letter to someone, having nothing to say. At least I should be able to make something up or speak of anything going on, but I can't even do that. It seems like the only time I have something to say is when something suddenly bothers me or when I am responding to something that someone else said. Some of the classmates I went to grammar school with are excelling in their lives right now, and I am just sitting around in my room at my mother's house doing nothing whatsoever. I used to have a job as a computer programmer, but can you imagine not even excelling at that? My IQ, which we were all tested for in grammar school, is 120, but I feel so dumb. I have accomplished nothing in my life that I wanted to the degree that I wanted to. I couldn't finish college, I couldn't get a decent job as a programmer, I couldn't get married. I failed. And there are people who have done better than me, who were my friends in grammar school, who don't even talk to me now, and it's because I cannot freaking write, and because I am so rude and immature. If I can't write fiction then what am I supposed to do with my life? Someone please help me. I cannot even find some good fantasy short stories to read as a model of what my writing should be like. I have no money to purchase any books, I stay away from the library because I am not comfortable there for some strange reason, and I am not even sure if I have the ability to discern how should interact in a story. Am I even good at logic? What kind of programmer can't do simple logic? I wish I could just go back to grammar school and start all over again.